Disobeying Wives - Hear this.

Tomtom · Jan 6, 2012

Abu Hurairah narrated that The Prophet said:
“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, then I would order the wife to prostrate to her husband.” (Hasan)

There was a time long ago when people understood their marital duties, a husband's role was as the head of the household, providing for the family and making all the decisions. The wife would look after the children and maintain the household such as cooking, cleaning etc. Today the role of the husband and wife are blurred, the word equal opportunity has crept into the collective modern psyche and women are using this as an excuse to disobey their husbands and seek independence from whatever they feel is being denied. Satan has been successful in sowing doubts in humanity and in some extreme cases today there are gender reversals. For example, a man is sub-servient to his wife. Some men feel inadequate when his wife is the one who is more educated and earns the higher salary thus she dictating the terms in the household.

Eve was created from Adam's rib to be a companion and comfort to him. She was also created to start the human race on earth, Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala told them to go and fill the earth with their offspring after they had disobeyed Him.

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
Had it not been for Eve, woman would have never acted unfaithfully towards her husband.

Oh wives obey and serve your husbands, a husband and wife together make both of you complete.

Mohammed Junedi · Jan 6, 2012

Asalam Alaikum Wa rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu,

Jazakh Allah khair for sharing

.

I think we get our paradise here in Duniya itself if we get a good bride

whose qualities are described as per Al-Quran and Sunnah .

HappyMuslimah · Jan 6, 2012

Asalamalykum,

This has always confused me... I'm sure I read somewhere that a woman does not have to do the cooking and cleaning and that her primary duty is to bring up the children as good Muslims? I've also read stories of some of the Companions cooking and cleaning and sewing their own clothes, so it can't be the sole responsibility of a woman can it?

Forgive me for my ignorance

xAllahKnowsBestx · Jan 6, 2012

Tomtom said:
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
Had it not been for Eve, woman would have never acted unfaithfully towards her husband.

I don't understand this hadith. When did Eve ever disobey Adam (AS)? Am I missing something here.

ShyHijabi · Jan 6, 2012

xAllahKnowsBestx said:
I don't understand this hadith. When did Eve ever disobey Adam (AS)? Am I missing something here.

:salam2:

Yeah I am going to need to see a reference to this hadith as I have never heard it. It should be noted that Kadijah (RA) was a business woman and it was her wealth that aided in the spread of Islam. Also, Prophet Mohamed (Peace be upon him) also helped with cleaning and repairing/sewing clothes. And while mothers are usually the primary caretaker this does not remove the obligation from the father to parent his children as well.

There is the insidious bleeding of Western ideals into our thinking about man vs. woman obligations within marriage. Nothing indicates that a woman MUST cook and clean in her home, as a matter of fact she can even demand a wetnurse for her baby and the husband to pay the cost. But most of us do these chores out of love for our husband and home. Marriage is about compromise, both physically and emotionally. Both partners should be slow to anger and quick to forgive. We also should try to make up for each other's weaknesses.

Men and women are equal in value, our souls have equal worth. But we are different and view the world uniquely.

a_stranger · Jan 6, 2012

HappyMuslimah said:
Asalamalykum,

This has always confused me... I'm sure I read somewhere that a woman does not have to do the cooking and cleaning and that her primary duty is to bring up the children as good Muslims? I've also read stories of some of the Companions cooking and cleaning and sewing their own clothes, so it can't be the sole responsibility of a woman can it?

Forgive me for my ignorance

:salam2:

Yes sister, the prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam and his companions used to work at their houses, in life we should share duties help each other. The wife is not a servant for her husband , but she should serve him seeking the pleasure of Allah subhanahu wa taaala......if the man work all the day to support his family then the good wife should try to make their home a nice place where he find his needs in.

Musalmaan · Jan 6, 2012

Tomtom said:
Abu Hurairah narrated that The Prophet said:
“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, then I would order the wife to prostrate to her husband.” (Hasan)

There was a time long ago when people understood their marital duties, a husband's role was as the head of the household, providing for the family and making all the decisions. The wife would look after the children and maintain the household such as cooking, cleaning etc. Today the role of the husband and wife are blurred, the word equal opportunity has crept into the collective modern psyche and women are using this as an excuse to disobey their husbands and seek independence from whatever they feel is being denied. Satan has been successful in sowing doubts in humanity and in some extreme cases today there are gender reversals. For example, a man is sub-servient to his wife. Some men feel inadequate when his wife is the one who is more educated and earns the higher salary thus she dictating the terms in the household.

Eve was created from Adam's rib to be a companion and comfort to him. She was also created to start the human race on earth, Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala told them to go and fill the earth with their offspring after they had disobeyed Him.

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
Had it not been for Eve, woman would have never acted unfaithfully towards her husband.

Oh wives obey and serve your husbands, a husband and wife together make both of you complete.

As someone pointed out already as far as I know Islam doesn't say that a Muslim woman has to absolutely cook and clean etc.

Ofcourse Islam does say that a woman should obey her husband unless ofcourse he tells her to sin.

As for Eve disobeying Adam, when was this? All I know is that Islam doesn't place the burden of originally disobeying Allah Almighty on Eve alone unlike Christianity. Adam and Eve were equally at fault.

Another thing I'd like to point out is that there's nothing wrong with a wife being more educated than her husband. At the end of the day their roles as defined by Islam remain the same.

Also can you give us further references for the hadiths?

And Allah knows best.

sister herb · Jan 6, 2012

What about disobeying husbands?

newtoIslam · Jan 6, 2012

Salam

Jazakullah for the post brother.

I feel a major problem with western society is role confusion between genders... as both men and women seem to be more in competition with each other then cooperating as husband and wife. I have witnessed many Canadian men being subservient to their wife and this creates major problems not only between the couple, but their children learn no respect for their parents in this environment.

In addition, the cost of living is high and many families require two income households, which creates more issues with gender roles.

Tomtom · Jan 6, 2012

newtoIslam said:
Salam

Jazakullah for the post brother.

I feel a major problem with western society is role confusion between genders... as both men and women seem to be more in competition with each other then cooperating as husband and wife. I have witnessed many Canadian men being subservient to their wife and this creates major problems not only between the couple, but their children learn no respect for their parents in this environment.

In addition, the cost of living is high and many families require two income households, which creates more issues with gender roles.

Wa Alaikkum As'alaam

Well sis this problem is not just confined to Canada but it is increasing all over the world as the world is now getting smaller through technology and travel. Yes there definately are role reversals and I come across as a male chauvenist pig when I say it but women these days are studying more and thus earning more than the men. When they bring home a better wage than the husband, he feels inadequate and in some cases the women tries to become the head of the household laying down the rules. This is contrary to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala's laws because the man is granted the privilege of being the head of the household. Many many relationships are broken because of the dilemma, woman scream independence and freedom when the very thing they shot about are unnatural.

Seeking Allah's Mercy · Jan 6, 2012

Tomtom said:
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
Had it not been for Eve, woman would have never acted unfaithfully towards her husband.

Asalamo'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

Referance? It's the first time that I've read this one.

Idris16 · Jan 6, 2012

Hadîths from Sahih Muslim

Book 8, Number 3471:

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Had it not been for Eve, woman would have never acted unfaithfully towards her husband.

Book 8, Number 3472:

Hammam b. Munabbih said: These are some of the ahadith which Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrated to us from Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him), and one of these (this one): Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Had it not been for Bani Isra'il, food would not have become stale, and meal would not have gone bad; and had it not been for Eve, a woman would never have acted unfaithfully toward her husband.

http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/hadeeth/muslim/008_smt.html

Seeking Allah's Mercy · Jan 6, 2012

Idris16 said:
Hadîths from Sahih Muslim

Book 8, Number 3471:

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Had it not been for Eve, woman would have never acted unfaithfully towards her husband.

Book 8, Number 3472:

Hammam b. Munabbih said: These are some of the ahadith which Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrated to us from Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him), and one of these (this one): Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Had it not been for Bani Isra'il, food would not have become stale, and meal would not have gone bad; and had it not been for Eve, a woman would never have acted unfaithfully toward her husband.

http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/hadeeth/muslim/008_smt.html

Asalamo'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

BaarakAllaahu feek

samiha · Jan 6, 2012

:salam2:

Yes, the hadeeth is authentic, but often the translation doesn't entirely encompass the true meaning. Not to mention, I don't like the manner it was used in the article.

Well, regardless, here's some more explanation on this hadeeth to give it more understanding:

Ayman bin Khaled said:
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

This hadeeth should be understood based on the Arabic language and not the English translation. Therefore, the meaning of the hadeeth goes beyond its apparent wording besides the fact that the translation is incorrect.

To understand the hadeeth, lets see the story of Adam and Hawaa about the tree first.

Sh. Al-Nawawi (رحمه الله) says commenting on this hadeeth: " when the shaytaan decorated the tree in the eyes of Hawa, she went and told Adam about the tree. Then later on, when the shaytaan decorated the tree for Adam and swore by Allah that he is honest and sincere in his advice, they both ate from it."

The meaning of the hadeeth as said by Sh. Al-Nawawi: "It means that Hawaa is the mother of the daughters of Adam, therefore her daughters inherited from their mother some of her traits."

Alhafith bin Hajar said: "The meaning of the "Khyaana of Hawa" is that she accepted what Ablees decorated in here eyes until she was convinced with then she started decorating what she thought to be good in his eyes......The Khayanaa here does not refer to unfaithful acts, cheating or betraying but actually since the nafs of Hawa liked eating from the tree therefore she complimented that act to decorate it in his eyes, that was considered a Khyanaa.

This is what we actually see today, when wives or sisters like to do something then they start beautify it in your eyes to get it for them or to convince you with it.

Actually, how many brother wanted to marry and when he wanted to have his wedding the wife insisted on having music or mixed wedding or whatever wrong cultural practices given all excuses and arguing it is the night she always dreamt of and etc etc... (smile)

In addition, this hadeeth is actually addressing men rather women. It is to teach men to be patient with their wives and excuse their mistakes when they are unintentional and rare to happen as mistakes happen and it did happen to their mother; hawaa. Furthermore, it shows women that they need to observe themselves and control themselves in moments when they feel drawn into something.

Wallahu A'lam

Source: http://www.ahlalhdeeth.com/vbe/showthread.php?t=5409

And he continues on to say, that surely our Prophet :saw2: would never call Hawaa, our mother in a disrespectful or bad way, or imply negative traits towards her, so this hadeeth is not about negativity towards women, but to address an aspect of nature only.

There was also another translation of that quote by Ibn Hajr rahimahullaah:

On the commentary of this Hadith the reputable scholar Allamah Ibni Hajar Al-'Asqalani states that: "Hawwa (A.S.) was mesmerized by the false promises and embellishments of Shaitaan, as a result she encouraged Adam (A.S.) to partake from the forbidden tree." The Khiyaanah (betrayal) which Nabi (S.A.W.) speaks of in the Hadith is not referring to acts such as adultery, etc. Instead it is regarding a Khiyaanah of a much lesser degree e.g. the wife, due to her weak understanding, encourages the husband to do something of which the consequences are detrimental. (Fathul Baari, Vol. 6, Page 368.)

And also has nothing to do with being a 'disobeying wife' - so I feel this is a false, misrepresented and incorrect way to use this hadeeth.

Allaah knows best

newtoIslam · Jan 6, 2012

Tomtom said:
Wa Alaikkum As'alaam

Well sis this problem is not just confined to Canada but it is increasing all over the world as the world is now getting smaller through technology and travel. Yes there definately are role reversals and I come across as a male chauvenist pig when I say it but women these days are studying more and thus earning more than the men. When they bring home a better wage than the husband, he feels inadequate and in some cases the women tries to become the head of the household laying down the rules. This is contrary to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala's laws because the man is granted the privilege of being the head of the household. Many many relationships are broken because of the dilemma, woman scream independence and freedom when the very thing they shot about are unnatural.

I agree and it's not chauvinist but reality. Society brainwashes people from an early age that independence and material objects create happiness. In a strage paradox, I didn't understand this until I was in a university class. The female prof, who dressed and groomed herself to appear like a male, was lecturing a class of 300 students about men taking "power" from women. Subhanullah I realized at that point it is nonsense.

Aapa · Jan 7, 2012

Assalaam walaikum,

A woman versed in her faith understands what actions will Please Allah. She does not have to compromise herself if she understands her faith.

I find myself surrounded by sisters who are happy women. I tell everyone that I have stepped into the Garden of Love. These are intelligent and hardworking women. They love going to work. We greet each other with hugs and kisses. We pray together. We recite Quran. We make dua. We laugh and giggle. These are married sisters. These are women who obey their husbands.
I see the love that is in the air.
They know what they owe their husbands. If a husband says you can not go out to a little social for the girls..they do not. They are happy. There is not a selfish bone in their bodies. Its all about family.

( yes, these are the actual words of a former women's libber..see what knowledge will do)

helpinghumanity · Jan 7, 2012

:salam2:

I am going to quote a post of my college friend on facebook. Although the word women has been used in this post, but its true for both genders.

A Woman once asked her mother, "Mother, how will I ever find the right Man?"

Her mother replied, "Forget finding the 'right'Man, focus on being the right Woman......Allahu Akbar!!!

Now use this quote to analyze the current thread please....

Tomtom · Jan 7, 2012

samiha said:
:salam2:

Yes, the hadeeth is authentic, but often the translation doesn't entirely encompass the true meaning. Not to mention, I don't like the manner it was used in the article.

Well, regardless, here's some more explanation on this hadeeth to give it more understanding:

Source: http://www.ahlalhdeeth.com/vbe/showthread.php?t=5409

And he continues on to say, that surely our Prophet :saw2: would never call Hawaa, our mother in a disrespectful or bad way, or imply negative traits towards her, so this hadeeth is not about negativity towards women, but to address an aspect of nature only.

There was also another translation of that quote by Ibn Hajr rahimahullaah:

And also has nothing to do with being a 'disobeying wife' - so I feel this is a false, misrepresented and incorrect way to use this hadeeth.

Allaah knows best

The quote was not used in the context that mother Hawwa disobeyed father Adam but disobeyed Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. I don't know if you are aware but Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala gave a direct order to father Adam and mother Hawwa to not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge but they disobeyed Him and this hadith is implying that the disobedience was primarily due to mother Hawwa, this is not to say that father Adam was not blameless as he later took responsiblity too.

So by disobeying Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala first, the Prophet (pbuh) made that statement to specify that disobedience started from mother Hawwa, he is basically saying that disobedience is inherited throughout the female species.

Tomtom · Jan 7, 2012

newtoIslam said:
I agree and it's not chauvinist but reality. Society brainwashes people from an early age that independence and material objects create happiness. In a strage paradox, I didn't understand this until I was in a university class. The female prof, who dressed and groomed herself to appear like a male, was lecturing a class of 300 students about men taking "power" from women. Subhanullah I realized at that point it is nonsense.

Indeed sis I would also go as far as saying that these kind of women who seek independence and 'freedom' are lovers of this dunya rather than lovers of the words of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala and our Prophet (pbuh).

samiha · Jan 7, 2012

Tomtom said:
So by disobeying Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala first, the Prophet (pbuh) made that statement to specify that disobedience started from mother Hawwa, he is basically saying that disobedience is inherited throughout the female species.

That is not what He is saying. Women did not inherit disobedience.

I can accept that the hadeeth was to show disobedience to Allaah which occurred in the story - but I do not agree with using it in this way with absolutely no explanation, especially as we can see what kind of confusion it's raised and the kind of conclusions that have developed!

Allaah subhanahu wa wa ta'ala has put in the nature of people - both men and women the inclination towards sinning, as it is 'nice' often and 'easy' and appeals to our desires, but what this hadeeth does not mean is that women inherit disobedience. But as the scholars state, what is mentioned here is the aspect of 'khiyaana'.

Meaning it may be that a woman 'feels' something is good and right and is drawn to it, and encourages her family for it, but the reality may be that it is not the wisest choice and in fact detrimental. And as was noted, this hadeeth is more addressing to -men- rather than women, kind of like the 'bent rib' hadeeth. Being so it could have been explained differently, but leaving it so open to interpretation, just notice what's come out of it! Which is why I still stand by the fact that I believe it is misleading.

The way it makes it sound is that because of Hawaa's disobedience to Allaah, now women are disobedient to their husbands or even inherited disobedience [as you understood] - which is again, not the case it is meant to show. If it was so, the male progeny of Adam would also have inherited disobedience - because he too disobeyed Allaah.

That is not the nature being addressed here. All it's saying is a woman, due to what's come from our mother, may develop a propensity towards liking things which may be more harmful on the long-run, and she does not realize it.

And for benefit, I wish to re-quote this part:

In addition, this hadeeth is actually addressing men rather women. It is to teach men to be patient with their wives and excuse their mistakes when they are unintentional and rare to happen as mistakes happen and it did happen to their mother; hawaa. Furthermore, it shows women that they need to observe themselves and control themselves in moments when they feel drawn into something.

Disobeying Wives - Hear this.

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