Husband's second marriage

Asja said:

From what I can see your husband broke all rights, moral ones and legal as well. For concluding second merriage one needs approvment of his first wife, this is by Shariah law. But it seams that your husband has asked approvment for second marriage after he has comited adultery and zina in Islam Asstagfirullah.

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Praise be to Allaah.

The wife’s approval is not a condition for plural marriage, and it is not obligatory for the husband to have the approval of his first wife if he wants to marry a second wife. But it is good manners and kind treatment to approach the issue in such a way as to reduce the pain which women naturally feel in such cases, by smiling at her, greeting her warmly, speaking nicely to her and spending money on her according to his means, in order to gain her approval. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/204.

If a husband takes a second wife, he has to treat his wives equally as far as possible. If he does not treat them equally then he is exposing himself to a stern warning, for it was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and inclines more towards one of them than the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (narrated by al-Nisaa’i, ‘Ushrat al-Nisaa’, 3881; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Nasaa’i, no. 3682).

When Allaah permitted us to marry more than one woman, He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”[al-Nisaa’ 4:3]

So Allaah commands that a man should restrict himself to one wife, if he knows that he cannot be just. And Allaah is the source of strength.

See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, 2/570.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

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ummyasiin said:

Salaams.....It is very clear to me why sum would say leave the matter to be dealt with a scholar....However the sister asked for advice....isnt it NOT 1 of the 5/6 rights of a muslim to another muslim is "to advice the one who seeks advice" ?????????? I know so. also The prophet saw also ordered us to do 7things and forbid us from 7things and 1 of the 7 on the 2do list is "to help the opressed" right??? So lets stop saying the advising her is wrong becuz we all need sum degree of another outlook of any given situation in our lives to make a decision.... At the end of the day she will make the decision that is best for her life. And Allah knows best

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I just need some advice and any dua that could help me.

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After 10 years of marriage and permissible love, and 4 children, my husband has fallen in love with a woman whom he got to know through the Net. She is one of the devils of mankind and has changed our lives. In brief, he has become like a slave to her, she tells him what to do and what not to do, and he has to obey. She has turned my life and my children’s life into hell. He refuses to repent, especially since he is not married to her, because she refuses to get married. I have been divorced and there is one talaaq divorce left. I am living with him but he is always with the other woman even when he is in the house, via the mobile phone and the Net. When I see him talking to her in front of me and not caring about my feelings, I feel as though fire is burning me and I have nowhere to turn except to Allaah, and I complain to Him of my grief. For two years I have been tasting the bitterness of patience whilst they are living with love and ecstasy as he says and as I see him. Will it ever end and will I suffer this torment forever? I pray to Allaah the Almighty for forgiveness and I pray to Him night and day but I see that nothing happens to her, she is like a mountain that will never collapse. I am caught between my husband’s mistreatment and his love for another right before my eyes. I feel that I am no longer a human being and I think that I have lost all trust in anything. What should I do? Pray to Allaah to save me from this and to make my faith steadfast and to protect me from their evil and their arrogance…. Ameen.

Praise be to Allaah.

We ask Allaah to grant you relief from your distress and to increase your faith and steadfastness.

What you have mentioned about your husband’s actions is something reprehensible with which Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) are not pleased, and of which His righteous slaves do not approve.

Romantic relationships between men and women are not allowed, and it is clearly haraam, whether that is via the internet or over the phone, or otherwise. If it goes beyond that to meetings and immoral actions, then this is the essence of doom.

Were it not for this ecstasy that your husband is experiencing, he would feel pain, alienation and confusion, which is what is usually felt by the sinner who persists in his sin.

Do not believe that he is living a life of pleasure and enjoyment, rather it is intoxication, negligence and a drifting away from Allaah, as Allaah says concerning those who commit immoral actions (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, by your life (O Muhammad), in their wild intoxication, they were wandering blindly”

[al-Hijr 15:72]

One of the most abhorrent of actions is when a person commits his sin openly and boasts about it, not caring about the punishment that awaits him. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “All of my ummah may be forgiven except those who commit sin openly, and part of committing sin openly is when a man does something at night, then in the morning, when Allaah has concealed him, he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when his Lord had concealed him all night but he discloses that which Allaah had concealed.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6069.

You should praise Allaah for protecting you and sapring you, and making you better than women of that ilk. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever sees a person who is afflicted with some trial and says, ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi ‘aafani mimma abtalaaka bihi wa faddalani ‘ala katheer mimman khalaqa tafdeelan (Praise be to Allaah who has spared me that with which He has tested you and has favoured me over many of those whom He has created),’ that trial will not befall him.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3432) and Ibn Maajah (3892); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

You should note that Allaah gives the evildoer respite until, when He seizes him, He does not let him go, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah gives respite to the wrongdoer until, when He seizes him, He does not let him go.” Then he recited (interpretation of the meaning):

“Such is the Seizure of your Lord when He seizes the (population of) towns while they are doing wrong. Verily, His Seizure is painful (and) severe”

[Hood 11:102]

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4409; Muslim, 2583.

So you should not be deceived by the fact that this woman continues to do wrong and seems to get away scot-free, for there is no barrier between the prayer of the oppressed and Allaah.

Perhaps you can find some good people who will advise him and remind him of Allaah, even if that is via a Friday khutbah, for example, condemning such haraam relationships and describing the punishments in this world and the Hereafter for those who do such things.

Make a lot of du’aa’ to Allaah, especially at times when prayers are answered, such as the last third of the night, between the adhaan and iqaamah, between ‘Asr and Maghrib on Friday. There is nothing wrong with your making du’aa’ against her because she is an evildoer, but it is better to pray that Allaah will improve your situation.

You have to be kind to your husband and make yourself beautiful for him, for perhaps that woman has captured his heart with kind words that he did not hear from you, or by making herself beautiful when you did not. So try to win him over in that way. And you have to be patient, for this is a test from Allaah by means of which your sins will be expiated and you will be raised in status.

And Allaah knows best.

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Shar’i implications of husband’s zina with his wife’s mother before and after marriage
There is a woman who is married, and her husband committed zina several times with her mother, but this wife does not know. What should she do with her mother and her husband? She is confused about her situation.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible for anyone to claim that someone else has committed zina unless that is proven in the way dictated by sharee’ah, such as a confession of the zaani, or the testimony of four men of good character who witnessed the act of zina. The one who claims that someone committed zina with no proof has committed slander, which is a major sin for which a person deserves eighty lashes; this is the hadd punishment for slander.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever. They indeed are the Faasiqoon (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allaah).

5. Except those who repent thereafter and do righteous deeds; (for such) verily, Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Noor 24:4-5]

Secondly:

If the questioner has proof of what is mentioned in the question, that the husband committed the sin of zina with his wife’s mother, then it should be noted that they both deserve the punishment and wrath of Allaah, and they deserve to be punished in this world. As the woman is married, she deserves to be stoned to death. If he was married then he deserves the same, and if he committed zina before he was married, then the punishment is one hundred lashes.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allaah, if you believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment.”

[al-Noor 24:2]

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: A Muslim man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was in the mosque and called out to him, saying: O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed zina. He turned away from him, so he came around to face him and said to him: O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed zina. He turned away from him, until he had repeated that four times. When he had testified against himself four times, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called him and said: “Are you insane?” He said: No. He said: “Are you married?” He said: Yes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Take him and stone him.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6439) and Muslim (1691).

“Married” refers to one who has previously been married and consummated the marriage, even if divorce took place after that or the husband or wife died.

Imam Ahmad said – according to one report narrated from him – concerning the one who does that: He is to be executed whatever the case, i.e., the one who commits zina with one of his mahrams is to be executed, whether he was married or not, and whether the mahram was a mahram through blood ties, marriage or breastfeeding.

Ibn Qudaamah said: This is also the view of Jaabir ibn Zayd, Ishaaq, Abu Ayyoob and Ibn Abi Khaythamah. End quote. Al-Mughni (12/341).

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If the evil deed was done with a mahram, this is the worst of evil deeds, and the one who did that is to be executed in all cases, according to Imam Ahmad and others.

What the wife must do now is:

1. Not act or make any decision about this matter unless she has definitive proof.

2. Advise her mother – if the accusation of zina is proven – that it is essential to repent sincerely.

3. Advise her husband to repent sincerely if he committed zina with her mother after she got married. It is essential to keep him away from her mother in living arrangements and meetings so that this deed will not be repeated. If he does not repent from this action then she should hasten to get divorced, and it is not permissible for her to stay with him, because Allaah has forbidden marriage of a zaani to a chaste believing woman.

We understand what a severe calamity has befallen this sister. How great is a woman’s grief, and difficult it is for her to bear it if her husband commits zina, and it is a thousand and one times more difficult to bear it when her mother commits zina, so how about if it is her husband who is committing zina with her mother? This is indeed a calamity!

We ask Allaah to relieve her distress and take away her sorrow, and to bless her with patience and wisdom.

But before making any major decision, we advise her to think long and hard about the consequences.

If she decides to leave her husband, then in that case can she live in the same house as her mother, who is the one who did that and wrecked her marriage?

We think, if she has no suitable place to go and no mahram who can take care of her, that staying with her husband and advising him to repent and mend his ways is easier for her than getting divorced and living in her mother’s house.

This sister should weigh up the consequences of her decision. Some evils are easier to bear than others.

And Allaah knows best.

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Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah,
I have been divorced (with talaaq) two times. The first time was because I asked my husband to give me and my children just one day each month when we could sit together, against his wishes and those of his family. The second time was because he loves another woman and he humiliates me in front of my children, and he shows favour to her and does not care about my feelings or the feelings of my children. He tells her that he loves her on the phone, where I can see and hear him, even though he is not married to her. Now he had traveled and left me alone with our children, and he has no connection with us apart from some money which he sends via his family.
If I get divorced, will Allaah compensate me with something better and make me independent of means by His bounty, and will He compensate me for the wrongs that have been done to me by this hard-hearted man? Or will that mean that I am not content with the decree of Allaah? Do I have the right to have a husband with whom I can live in love, mercy and tranquility, or do I have to put up with living a life of humiliation, me and my children, for the sake of this monthly allowance that he sends via his family in order to humiliate me even further? Am I regarded as patient or as weak and broken because I have put up with this life for 11 years for fear of the word of divorce?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Allaah has permitted a man to have several wives, and has forbidden men to mistreat their wives. If a man wants to have more than one wife, then he can keep the first wife on a decent and reasonable basis, or he can let her go in a kindly manner. It is not permissible for him to keep her married to him whilst forsaking her and not giving her her rights. It is not permissible for him to be negligent with regard to his family and the upbringing of his children. Plural marriage has not been prescribed in order to destroy families, rather it is prescribed to build families and increase their numbers.

This forsaking of his wife and negligence is haraam for him, even if he had another wife according to sharee’ah, so how about if he is forsaking his wife and neglecting his family for an illegitimate reason such as a haraam relationship and corrupt desires?

Secondly:

The wife has the right to ask for a divorce from her husband if she cannot bear his bad treatment. This does not mean that she does not accept the decree of Allaah. Indeed in some cases it may be haraam for her to stay with a husband who commits major sins and whose children are not safe from his evil influence and bad treatment. As divorce is allowed in Islam and it may even be obligatory to ask for a divorce in some cases, there is no need to think that this may go against belief in the divine will and decree, because Allaah has decreed both marriage and divorce.

The wife has the right to live with her husband and be treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and to have a husband with whom she can feel happy and who will be like a garment for her, so that there will be love and compassion between them. This is the reason for which marriage was prescribed, and if anything detracts from what we have mentioned, then it is contrary to the reason for which marriage was prescribed.

Hence the husband should choose a woman who is religiously-committed, and fathers and guardians should marry their daughters and female relatives under their care to men who are religiously-committed and of good character, because if the Muslim household is established on the basis of the laws of Allaah, no wrongdoing or cruelty will be seen in it. If a wife dislikes her husband for a legitimate shar’i reason, then she can ask for divorce (talaaq) or can divorce him by khula’, and if he dislikes her he can divorce her by talaaq and give her her rights in full. He should either retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness.

If divorce takes place, then Allaah may decree that she finds a good, righteous husband, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty”

[al-Nisa’ 4:130]

Thirdly:

Some woman stay and put up with their husbands because of the possibility that Allaah may reform them, or so that he will remain in contact with his children and take care of them and spend on them. If a long time goes by and he does not reform or he mistreats his wife and children too much, and she has sufficient money to spend on herself and her children, then there is no point in her staying with him. Rather the right thing to do is to rid herself of him so that she can live a better and more decent life, and raise her children to obey Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

You should take stock of yourself and repent to Allaah for any sins or transgressions that you may have committed against the rights of Allaah or the rights of your husband, or anyone else. Perhaps what has happened to you may be a punishment for a sin that you have committed, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30]

Think long and hard about your situation and how likely it is that you may find a husband after him or live a peaceful life without him. Consult people around you who are close to you and are sincere. I advise you, if they agree with you, to divorce him if the situation is as you describe in your question. So pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and if you feel at ease with the idea of divorce then go ahead, and ask Allaah to make you independent of means by His bounty. We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight and to relieve your distress and reconcile between you if that is better for you both.

And Allaah knows best.

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IbnAdam77 said:

I am very sorry sister to say, but what I have made bold in the above part is not according to Islamic Law. Please read the below Fatwa given by Sheikh Munajjid.

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Asja said:

:salam2:

Offcourse it is Allhamdullilah, maybe not like full legal norm, but yes like moral norm that is partly legal norm too. Also it can be made as condition in personal law of certain country. In the fatwa that you have brought it sais :"in order to gain her approval". Here we can se that approavl from moral side is more than needed, and moral norm is as much as important as legal one as they are both part of Shariah law. This is what I meant.

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But it is good manners and kind treatment to approach the issue in such a way as to reduce the pain which women naturally feel in such cases, by smiling at her, greeting her warmly, speaking nicely to her and spending money on her according to his means, in order to gain her approval.

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thariq2005 said:

It is not an act of obligation for the approval of the first wife, rather it is something that is likened morally to take the approval of the first wife.

And Allah knows best.

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ummyasiin said:

Thariq2005 mashallah......umm maybe you didnt read the order in my advice under the actual thread lol. how ever I understand your point, but please read what I 1st wrote lol

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