polygamy

Is there any sister who is in a polygamous marriage or a brother who is married to more than one wife. Considering the natural jealousy in women I would like to find out how to cope in that sort of situation especially from sisters because I dont think men understand.

umm hussain said:

Is there any sister who is in a polygamous marriage or a brother who is married to more than one wife. Considering the natural jealousy in women I would like to find out how to cope in that sort of situation especially from sisters because I dont think men understand.

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yes you touched on very interesting point fried but i would like to share what i know and think about it.
somebody defends their selves by Hz.Mohammad's(s.a.v) marriages about polygamous marriage and other antiislamic people try to show as islam supports to polygamous .He was exactly virtuous in his private life too.if he was lustful he would not has married with Hz.Hatica(r.a) mother when he was 25 and she was 40.and he married only with her until she passed away.

If you look that ages in suudy arabia ,you see that men could have unlimited marriages.But Quran limitted this tradition.andOur prophet (s.a.v)'s all marriages [except for Hz.Aisha (r.a) ] depended on these tradition,he had to follow this way.and made self-sacrifices.the reasons behind his marriages' religious,political and humanity.

political :you have leard the arabian tradition belongs these times. Clans,families and group did it to make stronger their alliances and relationships.

humanity :shehid's widowed wifes or women who was poor had been suffering from poverty and needed help very much.and he took them under his mubarek wing.

religios :after new ayat Allah (c.c.) has limitted the marriages number.He could not divorced his wifes.because they has been became mothers for Islam.

As you see there are logical explanations for Him. But think ourselves ! do we have to carry any important duty like him ? And look at another side of view (men for women and women for men) ex: you have a wife and you want to marry with another woman too.and will your wife accpet this? wont be her heart broken ? and think why can not women marriage polygamous if we are same ? and forget all of them can you be fair for them and their children if you have 2 wifes ?

i think that we are created to be couple , not to be triplet or more ! and 1 is also more for make a man mad i can not think second one
and our modern society's conditions are not for it. i hope everybody will have what they need for love ! these are what i think and know.thank you very much !

be careful

mustafaburaq said:

yes you touched on very interesting point fried but i would like to share what i know and think about it.
somebody defends their selves by Hz.Mohammad's(s.a.v) marriages about polygamous marriage and other antiislamic people try to show as islam supports to polygamous .He was exactly virtuous in his private life too.if he was lustful he would not has married with Hz.Hatica(r.a) mother when he was 25 and she was 40.and he married only with her until she passed away.

If you look that ages in suudy arabia ,you see that men could have unlimited marriages.But Quran limitted this tradition.andOur prophet (s.a.v)'s all marriages [except for Hz.Aisha (r.a) ] depended on these tradition,he had to follow this way.and made self-sacrifices.the reasons behind his marriages' religious,political and humanity.

political :you have leard the arabian tradition belongs these times. Clans,families and group did it to make stronger their alliances and relationships.

humanity :shehid's widowed wifes or women who was poor had been suffering from poverty and needed help very much.and he took them under his mubarek wing.

religios :after new ayat Allah (c.c.) has limitted the marriages number.He could not divorced his wifes.because they has been became mothers for Islam.

As you see there are logical explanations for Him. But think ourselves ! do we have to carry any important duty like him ? And look at another side of view (men for women and women for men) ex: you have a wife and you want to marry with another woman too.and will your wife accpet this? wont be her heart broken ? and think why can not women marriage polygamous if we are same ? and forget all of them can you be fair for them and their children if you have 2 wifes ?

i think that we are created to be couple , not to be triplet or more ! and 1 is also more for make a man mad i can not think second one
and our modern society's conditions are not for it. i hope everybody will have what they need for love ! these are what i think and know.thank you very much !

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Salam walaikum w.

My Dear brother, we must be careful with the stamens we do as is not proper an Unislamic.

Personal opinions are no the way to respond to Islamic issues of knowledge.

Why? weo we can no try to make a personal opinion base on our own judgment, you are giving some stamens why the prophet asaw got married or practice polygamy, but this is not the case.

If we want to understand why polygamy is allow and what are the reasons we must go to the Quran and Sunnah, and moreover we must go to the scholars of knowledge and learn their clarifications on this issue.

We can not just look some preconceive ideas and just made for ourselves an idea base on that. Because we would it be doing IStihad.

Istihad is base on the evidences and its only allow for the people of knowledge.

Polygamy is allowed and this is agreed for all the scholars of the Sunnah.

And there are many reasons for it, and no matter how many reasons we can bring to our minds the mayor point it’s that Allah subhanah wata'allah allow it.

And no one can change that or try to make it seems as something negative.


there are some people who try to made all type of stamens why is not ok to marry more than one wife now days and they seams to forgive that the prophet asaw never say this neither he said polygamy is only allow for my time and there will be a time that it wont be ok to don it..

No Islam is perfect and all his rules and regulations are for all time and will always be valid until the end of the days.

To portray any part of Islam in a negative way it’s not right and this happen because we are basing our understanding base on occidental way of thinking were Islam is something old and not practicable.

We must believe Islam is a perfect way of life set by Allah subhanah wata'allah for all times.

No matter how moderns we call ourselves the human necessities will be the same, the only things that are changing are the material commodities.


Salam w.

from a sister perspective

salam w.

here is something from a sister:

With the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Bestower of Mercy


Polygany, A Blessing from Allaah

As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuhu,

"Who is he that will lend to Allah a goodly loan so that He may multiply it to him many times? And it is Allah that decreases or increases (your provisions), and unto Him you shall return". Al-Baqarah:245
(Interpretation of the meanings of the Noble Quran by Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan and Dr. Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Al Hilali)

Narrated Abu Musa (radhi-allaahu 'anhu): The Prophet (sallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, "A faithful believer to a faithful believer is like the bricks of a wall, enforcing each other". While saying that the Prophet (sallahu alayhi wa sallam) clasped his hands, by interlacing his fingers. Bukhari vol. 1, hadith # 468

The first advice that I was given thirteen years ago regarding polygyny was given to me by an elder sister who had been in polygyny with two co- wives. She only said to me, "Polygyny is not easy, you are going to have to have patience". This I found to be true, I would like to share with you the blessing Allah bestowed upon me thirteen years ago.
At first I didn't know how to react to my co-wife, we lived in the same apartment building, so I knew that we had to see each other. My first week there I made it a point to give her warm salaams and begin a cordial converstion with her. The first meeting of ours seemed as if we both were nervous, both not knowing what to expect from each other. It went well, we spoke briefly, alhamduillah, we broke the ice.
Mind you in the eight years that we were co wives the first couple of years we really got to know each other and of course we both had our jealousies and sometimes misunderstandings. We did not try and force ourselves upon each other, but when either one of us needed a ride we helped each other, our husband took us places together, we studied Arabic together, we did functions for the masjid together, we went to the slaughter house for the aqiqah of our children together and we were pregnant three times at the same time together. We began the practice during the month of Ramadaan to alternate weekends for iftaars to one another homes.
Our children played together, studied together and worked together.
Some weekends my children would go to her home and some weekends her children would come to mine. Our relationship grew out of mutual respect. We even opened a business together. I must say that when she and I did talk, she spoke of fearing Allaah and issues of the deen mainly. Of course we also talked of womanly issues such as sewing, cooking, the children. We both admitted that polygyny was hard at first, most things foreign to someone is. I remember one talk we had, it was about fearing Allaah and knowing that Allaah tests us with things. We realised that whatever went on in our homes did not need to be broadcast to the community and we tried to curb the phone calls being made to us with useless speech.
Although we are no longer co-wives I still love her very much for Allaah's sake, Allah gave me a good friend. I've noticed when trials have happened in my home I have called her first on the phone to talk and to sometimes cry, even now. What at first seemed hard Allah made easy going, Al hamduillah.
About four years ago I was called to wash a body of a sister, she had a co-wife. Her co-wife assisted in washing and preparing her body, to see the pain on her face is something that I will never forget. She too loved her co-wife and Allaah had called her co-wife back. The sister attended to her deceased co-wife's janaaza to make sure things were done as proper as could be. She seemed very serious about this, she loved her departed sister.
Here is the reality, we were placed upon this earth to worship Allaah, alone. We are going to have trials and we must call on Allaah to help us with them. You sisters that feel anger and jealousy, think more about the grave, think more about your meeting with Allaah, ask youself, is harboring ill feelings worth wasting precious time that could be spent on good deeds to try and please Allah. This is a reality, we all must die, who is the first to say that they are ready and that they don't have anything to worry about? Do we really have time to spare on anything other than worshipping and trying to please Allaah? And if polygyny is in the qadr for you then accept it, deal with it. Read about how the mothers of the believers dealt with it. Read about how the sahaabiyat dealt with it. Turn to the book of Allah and the Sunnah of our Prophet (sallahu layhi wa sallam) to deal with it. Throw your hands up in sincere dua and ask Allaah to help you to deal with it, for sure Allaah Subhana wa ta'ala is the best of Planners. He knows what we do not know and he knows what is best for us.
May Allaah Subhana wa ta'ala bless us with good in this world and in the next, and may he save us from the hellfire and the torment of the grave, ameen.

here another letter

More Than Just A Co= Wife

As Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu ,
From the moment I was told about my co wife Allaah has softened my heart towards her. I felt so connected to her as a muslimah and a woman. The trails and struggles she had been through as a muslimah, after only a year fiiled my heart with sadness, as I reflected on my own past situation. In my heart I felt immediate admiration towards her for her strength, endurance and patience in her current situation. I didn't even know her, yet she arose in me the desire to do more as a muslimah.
After our first meeting I was so amazed at the greatness of Allaah. Once again He had shown mercy to me and given me exactly what I had made du'a for in a co- wife. She was exactly as I had been told about her. Our conversation was not of our husband, but it was about us, not as co-wives, but as sisters, salafi sisters.
Recently Alalah has tested us with our husband. He needed a minor surgery they said, but we as muslimahs know that Allaah can call your soul back at any point and I was very worried. It wasn't until after the surgery (Al Hamdulillah ,Allaah allowed the procededure to be successful) or sometime during our 8 hour conversation that I realized she was just as worried as I. We took turns calling the hospital and just comforting each other by remembering Allaah, making du'a and at times cracking jokes just trying to keep our mind of the situation. After it was all over thought to myself how many of my sisters could have been there for me like that? Not because they didn't want to, but because many of them have husbands and families of their own that they need to tend to. So my dear sisters whom Allaah has blessed with co= wives I encourage you to develop a relationship with her, get to know her, for you are one family now. Know as I do today that she is truly more than just a co wife.

Umm AbdusSamid

we aleiqum salam my dear brother...
hashaaa! of course Sunnah and rules are on everything!i have never tried to show my thoughts as it! hashaaa!

i just look this sunnah as Tayammum( geting aptes in waterless places by brick or sand )..if there is no water we get the aptest with sand ,you do not do it in your home because it is needless.as you read i showed the conditions of Prophet sallallahu aleyh wa sallam.now we can not ask him why did he do it?so i told my comments.i have not read any Fıkh books about it.there maybe better explanations.and i could be totally wrong.
the Quran is for all the times and places.and why do people try to reunderstand it? is just meal enough?no so u can not limit the people thinking sunnah or ayat! and as you see i did not refuse this sunnah but i say "i do not think it is suitable for us now"! if we live in this century we should understand quran's this century meaning! yes if you trust yourself and believe that you ll be fair for all of your wifes ,do it. i do not care really

one more!

Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim
As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.
And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan¬girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)
Being in polygyny these past few years has been a learning process, an overall a beneficial experience for me, al hamdulillah. It is one of the many rights that our husbands have in this religion and a Sunnah of Allah's Messenger (salla lahu alaihi wa sallam) that many brothers will choose to practice.
I have come to learn about the beauty of my husband having more than one wife. And from it I have witnessed a strong Muslim man, one who fears Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Someone who is not afraid of practicing what has been made lawful for him instead of falling victim to the haraam as many men can easily do in today's world. Someone who is not hesistant to face the challenges in dealing with more than one woman as we women can be a test for our men, masha Allah.
Al hamdulillah, I must say that it was not as hard as I thought it would be. Just as anything else, it takes time getting used to being without your husband every single day of the week as it once used to be. Somehow I thought that being first would mean more heartache and loneliness, but I came to realize that this may not be so. I reflected back on our past together and I am grateful to Allah that I had my time with him alone. I got to know my husband all on my own, his likes and his dislikes. I appreciated the time we spent together studying Islam, travelling, playing with our baby, subhan Allah we even worked together! Then I thought about how his new wife would feel. Maybe full of anxiety, being with someone who is almost like a stranger. Someone she has to learn, figure out his food preferences, sleep patterns and so on. Someone who would perhaps feel more vulnerable than me.
In my eyes, I had a very unique situation. My co-wife and I were truly the best of companions. We literally spent a great amount of time in eachothers presence even living in our own dwellings. We shared our nights, our food, our books, our joys, our sorrows, and ofcourse our husband. Most importantly we shared all of this seeking the pleasure of Allah Azza wa jal. We experienced true sisterhood and our husband was often proud to see that he had two wives who really loved eachother and got along all of the time.
In my co-wife, I saw a beautiful sister, someone who reminded me of Allah almost always. I learned a lot from her from watching her, sometimes she didn't even know that she was teaching me something unless I openly asked her for the naseehah. Even though she was older than me, she respected me just as I respected her. We valued the bond that we shared. We spent the Eids together spending the nights over eachother's houses, praying, studying, cooking, eating, sleeping, helping our children, helping our husband you name it, we could and would work together masha Allah. I cherished our friendship. I really loved her for the sake of Allah. We made eachother laugh and cry we held on to the rope of Allah as tight as we could at times and when one was slipping the other would lend out her hand for support so that she could again get that good grasp of that rope.
Kind words and forgiving of faults are better than Sadaqah (charity) followed by injury. And Allâh is Rich (Free of all wants) and He is Most-Forbearing. (Al-Baqarah 2:263)
This ayah reminds me of the genuine kindness that we displayed toward eachother solely for Allah. And the saying of how kindness affects all things which is so true. All three of us were companions to one another. This was something to be grateful for as many situations don't always run so smoothly. I felt that we started out as tiny little seeds of a plant that just kept growing and thriving under the light of Allah. Then our husband became the foundation or the roots of the plant and we women were the stems with leaves who were standing up firmly, healthy & green. Growing bigger every day with just enough water & sunlight. Our relationships only got better by the mercy of Allah as the time passed us by. It was a favor from Allah that I could not deny and to this day I'm glad I didn't.
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill¬conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great. (An-Nisa 4:34)
Many times you may hear that a brother's first wife wants a divorce after hearing that he has taken a second wife a'oothu billah this is their right. Let the men be the ones to go out there and do what is permissible for them to do in this deen. Is there really a need for a khula or talaq which has no valid reasoning? Does it have to be the weaker vessels going out there and having multiple sit-downs in search for Mr. Right when we may already have had him right there in front of our faces and Allah knows best? Can't we just try to trust our Lord a little more and stay in the marriage that was successful up until the utterance of taking another wife was overheard? What happened to loving the man who works hard to keep us comfortable & happy at home? Doesn't he deserve to be happy, too? Doesn't she? Don't we owe it to Allah, our husbands, our co-wives and ourselves to at least try? Isn't it marriage that completes half of our religion?
I will end with this last note by saying to all of my Salafisisters that polygyny can only make you stronger in deen, closer to Allah in remembering Him often, and more pleasing to Him and your husbands. It can be a very beautiful thing that can & will work insha Allah with lots of patience and supplication not to mention seeking more refuge from the whispers of the Shaytaan. It's up to you to try to do your part in the experiment/test. Either you truly study it through trial and error until you get it right and pass OR you put minimal effort in it and fail, finding out that trying a little harder may have been the one thing that was going to advance you to the next grade level, Subhan Allah. The road can get rocky at times, no doubt there will be things that will be done straight from our desires, but insha Allah you will go back to the rememberance of Allah and learn from your mistakes. You will call on Him to forgive you for your wrongdoings openly and secretly, intentionally and unintentionally. Insha Allah you will return to focusing on your relationship with the Creator and not the one with the creation. And ultimately, you will be left with the thought of obtaining Jannah by easily accepting what Allah has written for you.

fatwa

Salam walaikum w

some people try to argue that poligamy is not allow it trying to show contradiction on two verses from the Quran so here is a fatwa on this issue:


There is no contradiction in the verses regarding polygamy

Question: Concerning polygyny, it is stated in the Qur.aan:

{If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly [with more then one wife], than [marry] only one}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 3].

However, in another place, it states:

{You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].

In the first verse, the condition of being just among the wives is stated while in the second it makes it clear that the condition of justice could never be met. Does this mean that the first verse is abrogated and that it is not allowed to many more than one woman since the condition of justice cannot be fulfilled? Benefit us, may Allaah reward you.

Response: There is no contradiction between the two verses. There is also no abrogation by one verse of the other. The justice that is mentioned in the first verse is the justice within one's ability, which is related to being fair in division of time and in maintenance. As for being just with respect to love and sexual relations, this is not within one's ability. This is what is being referred to in the verse:

{You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].

In a Hadeeth about the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) ‘Aa.ishah stated:

"The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) used to divide his time between his wives and he was fair. He used to say:

((O Allaah, that is my division with respect to what I have control over. Do not blame me for what You control and over which I have no control)). This was recorded by Abu Daawood, at-Tirmidhee, an-Nasaa.ee, Ibn Maajah. It was graded Saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan and al-Haakim.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz
Fataawa al-Mar.ah

assalamu alaykum,

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Second Marriage

What Do Brothers Think of Polygamy

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