Ahmed ibn Ibrahim
alhamdulilah
Hello there,
Thank you for taking the time to read what I'd like to say. Please be merciful towards me, for this is my prayer to Allah, as I am about to tell you many things about myself - good and bad. Pardon me, please, if any of my language or thoughts are offensive in any manner. I wish only to be honest with myself and with you. May I also say that I am about to speak at great lengths, and will not be offended if you choose to only reply to certain paragraphs of this... essay to Islam. =)
My name is Brandon, and I have lived a very strange but blessed life. I am now nearly 23 years old, and was born in Alberta, Canada to two other Canadians with heritage to Europe due to my grandparents and great-grandparents. Now, in the year 2006, I concider myself and whatever family Allah blesses me with as being truly Canadian - my ties to Europe and its history are merely a formality. I am proud of Canada's title as Peacekeeper and Peacemaker, and intend to devote my whole life to Allah, peace, and humanity.
The first four years of my life were spent on Vancouver Island - A beautiful, bountiful, and peaceful place in Canada on the far West coast, on the Pacific Ocean. I remember being at peace, free, and aware of the pressence of God in everything. However, during the 1980's there was a series of layoffs in the oil and gas industry - which my father was affected by. We were forced to sell our logcabin home and find a new path in life. My father chose to find work overseas; First in Europe, then in America, then in the Middle East, then in the Far East, then back in Europe, and finally back to Canada - all of this lasted from 4 until I was 17yrs old.
Friends, I have truly seen the whole world and on a very detailed level. My father found work with Shell International, a Dutch oil company that has been a dominant energy force for decades.
We were very wealthy; All of our needs and desires were met, and there was bearly ever a time when we were without. Of course, for my parents it was never enough; They always seemed to need more money, more possesions, a faster car, bigger garage ... you get the idea. We were never a religious family in any sense of the word, other than the fact that my mother ackowledged that there was infact a "God".
When I was 6 years old I was sent to a private boarding school in Wales, UK. Shell International paid for everything. Fortunately it was a Methodist Christian school and at 7 years old, I swore an oath of brotherhood to Jesus Christ - and he's been my rolemodel and inner companion ever since.
You see, I'm a Gentile - my ancestors were Pagans, ignorant, and believed in all sorts of nonsense and superstition. For me to grow up in a Christian environment was a true blessing from Allah. I am not a Jew, or an Arab - and so my origins to Allah are less direct than for many of you. Perhaps this heritage is not as respectable as some, and surely some of the lessons I was taught were misguided, but nonetheless I was finding my way onto the straight path to our One True God.
I am pleased to report that I do not suffer from ChristInsanity - I was told many times that "Jesus is Lord" - or "in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" - or that praying to Mary would be a good idea to repent for any sins - but my reasonable mind refused to accept these things. And it has only been through education and self-awareness that I have come to understand these revelations. I AM a Christian, but do not suffer from ChristInsanity - praise be to God.
And so it was for me - A blessed life from 6 until 16 in this British boarding school. I learnt many things about many things, some helpful and others harmful, during my time in the UK. Over the holidays (Christmas, Easter, and Summer) I would be taxied to the airport and fly to far away places to visit with my family. Specifically and in order: Holland, Oman, France, Malaysia, Holland, France, America. It should also be noted that I visited many other countries on my and my family's travels, but these were the places I called "home".
At 17 years old I returned to Canada along with my family, and for the first time in my life it was as if I was a "normal" kid, living with their parents and going to school. This was not a happy time for me, though, because many conflicts soon happened within our family. We had never before lived together as a single family unit, and it was something of a shock to all of us.
I did not handle the situation very well. My family's greed and ungodliness sickened me, and I began to rebel. First, I became depressed. I stopped going to classes and started smoking - cigarettes and marijuanna. Truth be told, I had experimented with both when I was in the UK, but when I came to Canada and clashed with my family as badly as I did I became a regular smoker. Soon I dropped out of Highschool, moved out of home to my own humble apartment, and got a job (still at 17).
Then something terrible happened. Something that noone who is alive today will ever be able to forget: September 11th, 2001.
I was supposed to go to work that day. Every other day I had gone to work and was quite happy with the new, independant path I had chosen. But not on that day. On 9/11 I stayed home in my apartment, fixated on the television - watching over and over as 1 and then 2 planes thundered into New York's "World Trade Centre". The terror I felt that day I will perhaps never be able to properly describe. I did not know the full story, nor did I trust what CNN, ABC, or any other media outlet was telling me as absolute truth. I prayed to God over and over that day, because something inside me was deathly afraid. I wasn't afraid of Muslim terrorists, and I wasn't afriad of airplanes - I was afraid that the End Times, the Day of Judgement was coming. This wasn't just an instinctual fear, but every aspect of me - my education, my religion, my spirit, my feelings, even my body trembled for what was to come...
And I was right to have been afraid.
For now 5 years I have wandered. For 5 years I have asked questions, and paid very close attention. For 5 years I have been a slave to fear, judgement, and awareness. I have barely worked. I have been disfunctional in this world. I have sinned, sometimes quite terribly and I have much to be ashamed of. But for all 5 years, even though I have sometimes wondered if God had abandoned me and my people, I have had faith. Faith in God and His plan. I have trusted in Him, and He has guided and protected me. He has even enlightened me, whispering sweet revelations in my ear like riddles to the mind; guiding and inspiring me. And for the last two years I have sworn an oath of self-imposed poverty, an experience I never had before and am grateful for.
I would like to say that I am now no longer afraid, but I cannot lie to my Muslim brothers and sisters in humanity. I am afriad, still. Afraid of what George Bush's America will do next; Afraid of what sinister powers rise up in Europe; Afraid for my life and the wellbeing of others. I think I am very brave, even though I have fear - brave enough to have the courage to stand up against this New World Order; this new system of economics, goverment, politics, and religion. Unfortunately I am still only 22 and do not have enough understanding or inner-power to really change our world for the better; I pray to Allah daily that he will make me strong enough one day, and before it's too late.
I don't know what else to say. I guess that pretty much sums things up, for me and for now.
I do have many questions for you who are truly Muslims; perhaps you would extend some kindness in answering me?
1.) I have a... feeling that I would like to be a Muslim, but I have some concerns. You see, like I told you before, I have done some terrible things and even today I continue to do some of them. Even today I have not fully repented to God or to the people I've hurt. I want to repent, but at the same time I also want to keep smoking, to hide my sins away, and to forget. Can you relate to this, please?
2.) I do not want to let go of my "Christian" title... it is important to me. Very important. Without Jesus in my life, I would be just another Pagan... or worse. I might not be perfect now, and perhaps my religion is partly to blame, but I KNOW that MANY Christians pray to the same God in the same respectful and faithful way as Muslims do - though perhaps not as disciplined. I will not abandon Jesus, nor will I renounce Christianity as a whole. Is this a problem?
3.) I am not an Arab and your culture is alien to me - if not fascinating. Your people do not look like me. Your history is so different than mine, though we all are tied together through Abraham. Would you accept me as a brother?
4.) I am currently engaged to a Christian young woman. We've been together for four years. She loves me dearly, and truthfully I love her too - But then, I love SO many people, in different ways. Anyway, I must confess that we have had premarital relations... Lots of them, and the situation has become evermore complicated as a result. She has expressed more than usual respect and interest in Islam, and I believe it possible that if I revert she will also. However, a part of me is not happy in this relationship. I recognise what we have done is sinful and inappropriate - that it has complicated our lives and gone against the word of God. Something else strange has been happening for me more recently too - I have begun to concider myself in a relationship/marriage with other women... I even concider Arabic Muslim women. I cannot help but admire your women in a way I haven't done all my life. Dare I say, I even find the Hijaab attractive - because I KNOW the quality and potential character of Muslim women and society. It is difficult to explain much further, and perhaps it's best that I don't. Would you please, mercifully express some of your thoughts on this subject?
5.) I am confused about my "career" - what to do with my life. I live in Alberta, the richest and most resourceful Province in the whole of Canada. We have a booming oil and gas industry, and truly all levels of our society are growing strong. I have a mind to work for the oil companies for a few years to gain more life experience and to be rewarded with quite a lot of money - so that I can pay for a University education, so that I can avoid being a slave to "mortgage" and quickly own my own home, and to have some finances available to serve the will of God and to provide a beginning for a family. However, I am aware that burning oil and gas is killing our planet; I am aware that oil and gas has a heavy role in America's war in the Middle East. I feel there is some evil in the industry. What are some of your thoughts on this issue? Can I take advantage of my Province's natural rescources and oppourtunities as well as serve God, not $$$?
Thank you for concidering my introduction; I appretiate your time and your thoughts, perhaps more than you know. May Allah continue to bless and guide us all.
Thank you for taking the time to read what I'd like to say. Please be merciful towards me, for this is my prayer to Allah, as I am about to tell you many things about myself - good and bad. Pardon me, please, if any of my language or thoughts are offensive in any manner. I wish only to be honest with myself and with you. May I also say that I am about to speak at great lengths, and will not be offended if you choose to only reply to certain paragraphs of this... essay to Islam. =)
My name is Brandon, and I have lived a very strange but blessed life. I am now nearly 23 years old, and was born in Alberta, Canada to two other Canadians with heritage to Europe due to my grandparents and great-grandparents. Now, in the year 2006, I concider myself and whatever family Allah blesses me with as being truly Canadian - my ties to Europe and its history are merely a formality. I am proud of Canada's title as Peacekeeper and Peacemaker, and intend to devote my whole life to Allah, peace, and humanity.
The first four years of my life were spent on Vancouver Island - A beautiful, bountiful, and peaceful place in Canada on the far West coast, on the Pacific Ocean. I remember being at peace, free, and aware of the pressence of God in everything. However, during the 1980's there was a series of layoffs in the oil and gas industry - which my father was affected by. We were forced to sell our logcabin home and find a new path in life. My father chose to find work overseas; First in Europe, then in America, then in the Middle East, then in the Far East, then back in Europe, and finally back to Canada - all of this lasted from 4 until I was 17yrs old.
Friends, I have truly seen the whole world and on a very detailed level. My father found work with Shell International, a Dutch oil company that has been a dominant energy force for decades.
We were very wealthy; All of our needs and desires were met, and there was bearly ever a time when we were without. Of course, for my parents it was never enough; They always seemed to need more money, more possesions, a faster car, bigger garage ... you get the idea. We were never a religious family in any sense of the word, other than the fact that my mother ackowledged that there was infact a "God".
When I was 6 years old I was sent to a private boarding school in Wales, UK. Shell International paid for everything. Fortunately it was a Methodist Christian school and at 7 years old, I swore an oath of brotherhood to Jesus Christ - and he's been my rolemodel and inner companion ever since.
You see, I'm a Gentile - my ancestors were Pagans, ignorant, and believed in all sorts of nonsense and superstition. For me to grow up in a Christian environment was a true blessing from Allah. I am not a Jew, or an Arab - and so my origins to Allah are less direct than for many of you. Perhaps this heritage is not as respectable as some, and surely some of the lessons I was taught were misguided, but nonetheless I was finding my way onto the straight path to our One True God.
I am pleased to report that I do not suffer from ChristInsanity - I was told many times that "Jesus is Lord" - or "in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" - or that praying to Mary would be a good idea to repent for any sins - but my reasonable mind refused to accept these things. And it has only been through education and self-awareness that I have come to understand these revelations. I AM a Christian, but do not suffer from ChristInsanity - praise be to God.
And so it was for me - A blessed life from 6 until 16 in this British boarding school. I learnt many things about many things, some helpful and others harmful, during my time in the UK. Over the holidays (Christmas, Easter, and Summer) I would be taxied to the airport and fly to far away places to visit with my family. Specifically and in order: Holland, Oman, France, Malaysia, Holland, France, America. It should also be noted that I visited many other countries on my and my family's travels, but these were the places I called "home".
At 17 years old I returned to Canada along with my family, and for the first time in my life it was as if I was a "normal" kid, living with their parents and going to school. This was not a happy time for me, though, because many conflicts soon happened within our family. We had never before lived together as a single family unit, and it was something of a shock to all of us.
I did not handle the situation very well. My family's greed and ungodliness sickened me, and I began to rebel. First, I became depressed. I stopped going to classes and started smoking - cigarettes and marijuanna. Truth be told, I had experimented with both when I was in the UK, but when I came to Canada and clashed with my family as badly as I did I became a regular smoker. Soon I dropped out of Highschool, moved out of home to my own humble apartment, and got a job (still at 17).
Then something terrible happened. Something that noone who is alive today will ever be able to forget: September 11th, 2001.
I was supposed to go to work that day. Every other day I had gone to work and was quite happy with the new, independant path I had chosen. But not on that day. On 9/11 I stayed home in my apartment, fixated on the television - watching over and over as 1 and then 2 planes thundered into New York's "World Trade Centre". The terror I felt that day I will perhaps never be able to properly describe. I did not know the full story, nor did I trust what CNN, ABC, or any other media outlet was telling me as absolute truth. I prayed to God over and over that day, because something inside me was deathly afraid. I wasn't afraid of Muslim terrorists, and I wasn't afriad of airplanes - I was afraid that the End Times, the Day of Judgement was coming. This wasn't just an instinctual fear, but every aspect of me - my education, my religion, my spirit, my feelings, even my body trembled for what was to come...
And I was right to have been afraid.
For now 5 years I have wandered. For 5 years I have asked questions, and paid very close attention. For 5 years I have been a slave to fear, judgement, and awareness. I have barely worked. I have been disfunctional in this world. I have sinned, sometimes quite terribly and I have much to be ashamed of. But for all 5 years, even though I have sometimes wondered if God had abandoned me and my people, I have had faith. Faith in God and His plan. I have trusted in Him, and He has guided and protected me. He has even enlightened me, whispering sweet revelations in my ear like riddles to the mind; guiding and inspiring me. And for the last two years I have sworn an oath of self-imposed poverty, an experience I never had before and am grateful for.
I would like to say that I am now no longer afraid, but I cannot lie to my Muslim brothers and sisters in humanity. I am afriad, still. Afraid of what George Bush's America will do next; Afraid of what sinister powers rise up in Europe; Afraid for my life and the wellbeing of others. I think I am very brave, even though I have fear - brave enough to have the courage to stand up against this New World Order; this new system of economics, goverment, politics, and religion. Unfortunately I am still only 22 and do not have enough understanding or inner-power to really change our world for the better; I pray to Allah daily that he will make me strong enough one day, and before it's too late.
I don't know what else to say. I guess that pretty much sums things up, for me and for now.
I do have many questions for you who are truly Muslims; perhaps you would extend some kindness in answering me?
1.) I have a... feeling that I would like to be a Muslim, but I have some concerns. You see, like I told you before, I have done some terrible things and even today I continue to do some of them. Even today I have not fully repented to God or to the people I've hurt. I want to repent, but at the same time I also want to keep smoking, to hide my sins away, and to forget. Can you relate to this, please?
2.) I do not want to let go of my "Christian" title... it is important to me. Very important. Without Jesus in my life, I would be just another Pagan... or worse. I might not be perfect now, and perhaps my religion is partly to blame, but I KNOW that MANY Christians pray to the same God in the same respectful and faithful way as Muslims do - though perhaps not as disciplined. I will not abandon Jesus, nor will I renounce Christianity as a whole. Is this a problem?
3.) I am not an Arab and your culture is alien to me - if not fascinating. Your people do not look like me. Your history is so different than mine, though we all are tied together through Abraham. Would you accept me as a brother?
4.) I am currently engaged to a Christian young woman. We've been together for four years. She loves me dearly, and truthfully I love her too - But then, I love SO many people, in different ways. Anyway, I must confess that we have had premarital relations... Lots of them, and the situation has become evermore complicated as a result. She has expressed more than usual respect and interest in Islam, and I believe it possible that if I revert she will also. However, a part of me is not happy in this relationship. I recognise what we have done is sinful and inappropriate - that it has complicated our lives and gone against the word of God. Something else strange has been happening for me more recently too - I have begun to concider myself in a relationship/marriage with other women... I even concider Arabic Muslim women. I cannot help but admire your women in a way I haven't done all my life. Dare I say, I even find the Hijaab attractive - because I KNOW the quality and potential character of Muslim women and society. It is difficult to explain much further, and perhaps it's best that I don't. Would you please, mercifully express some of your thoughts on this subject?
5.) I am confused about my "career" - what to do with my life. I live in Alberta, the richest and most resourceful Province in the whole of Canada. We have a booming oil and gas industry, and truly all levels of our society are growing strong. I have a mind to work for the oil companies for a few years to gain more life experience and to be rewarded with quite a lot of money - so that I can pay for a University education, so that I can avoid being a slave to "mortgage" and quickly own my own home, and to have some finances available to serve the will of God and to provide a beginning for a family. However, I am aware that burning oil and gas is killing our planet; I am aware that oil and gas has a heavy role in America's war in the Middle East. I feel there is some evil in the industry. What are some of your thoughts on this issue? Can I take advantage of my Province's natural rescources and oppourtunities as well as serve God, not $$$?
Thank you for concidering my introduction; I appretiate your time and your thoughts, perhaps more than you know. May Allah continue to bless and guide us all.