Warning! Revert/Convert or you want to Revert/Convert:A letter for you from a Convert

[Andalusian]

FRUSTRATIONS OF A MUSLIM CONVERT


The "miracle" of the increasing number of converts is not only that people are finding the light of Islam in an age of such darkness but that they are coming to the faith despite the actions of some of its believers.


Introduction


I have been a Muslim for over two years now. Whilst I am deeply satisfied with Islam on an intellectual and theological level, much too often I have been far from happy in my experiences with fellow Muslims on a practical level. I have faced considerable difficulties in my attempts to develop as a Muslim. Although I have made the acquaintance of many Muslims through various mosques I have attended, this has been overwhelmingly only on a superficial level. I am close only to two Muslims in the city where I live. I met them coincidentally. One is a neighbor, the other a former colleague whom I now rarely see.


Lack of Induction


Although I have a good understanding of the basic theology of Islam and Islamic history, two years after my conversion I am to some extent still struggling with the practical daily basics. According to a hadith,"The search for knowledge is an obligation laid on every Muslim."(Ibn Majah, Baihaqi). A convert needs to search for more knowledge than a born Muslim who has had a lifetime of schooling in the faith. In my personal experience, it seems that established Muslims make at best only a token effort to assist new Muslims in fulfilling their religious obligations.

To my profound disappointment, as far as my Islamic education is concerned, I have been left to fend for myself. It would seem that no mosque I have visited has a systematic induction program for new converts. The mosques in my area are all dominated by south Asian immigrants, with a sprinkling of Africans on Fridays. They are not attuned to the needs of indigenous converts. In fairness, I seem to be the only white person (i.e. convert) at the mosques I attend, so they may not perceive a need. But nevertheless, I live in a major city with a significant Muslim population and many mosques. Surely there must be somewhere where a new Muslim adult can receive training in the practical daily basics. Surely the established Muslim community should know where to refer the convert even if they are not suitably geared up themselves at the local mosque.

The Catholic Church has a thorough practical and theological induction program that is actually compulsory for people who wish to join it. The Anglican Church actively advertises its Alpha Course to attract and teach new converts. We Muslims seem to have nothing organized.

When it comes to lack of both meaningful social welcome and organized teaching of Islam for new Muslims, American convert, teacher and writer, Yahiha Emerick, hits the nail on the head in his article Ten Things Every Muslim Must Do. At number six on his list, he says:

If you see any new Muslims at your Masjid (mosque), then partially "adopt" them into your family. The convert experience is basically one of isolation and loneliness. You'd be surprised to know that most converts are outright ignored by the people in the Masjid. Beyond a few pleasantries and handshakes, they are usually never made to feel welcome or accepted. They are often cut off from their non-Muslim friends and relatives so they are doubly vulnerable. A new convert should be invited into various people's home for dinner a minimum of six times a month. Get together with others and make sure you all put the new convert on your guest list for any sort of gathering.


Internet - the good, the bad and the dangerous!


Since my conversion to Islam I have had some horrible experiences with Muslims both on the Internet and face to face. I briefly mention these experiences here as a warning to other new Muslims. The Internet can be a wonderful place for learning about Islam. In fact, since my conversion, the Internet has been my primary source of materials with which to educate myself further about Islam. There are many excellent sites, but I would caution the new Muslim not to accept the information on all sites blindly, particularly if they have an arrogant, strident or unpleasant tone or stray from plain facts and concentrate on controversial opinion or on an overtly political agenda.

I would also urge new Muslims to avoid email forums or chat rooms about Islam absolutely. There are some nasty people lurking there - self-styled pseudo scholars preaching hellfire, doling out personal abuse and decrying sincere Muslims as non-believers. I was left utterly demoralized at one time and very, very angry on several occasions. I have now unsubscribed from all such forums. New Muslims should keep in mind the Hadith: "Verily, Allah is mild and is fond of mildness, and He gives to
the mild what He does not give to the harsh." (Muslim) If a website or e-group you come across is far removed from the above, then remove yourself from it!

There are also nice, well-meaning people who offer advice about matters of faith and practice without being in any way qualified to do so. If they get things wrong, they could unwittingly be leading the uninitiated astray and doing more harm than good. Be wary of accepting anything without a quotation from the Quran or authenticated hadith to back it up.

Having said that, if it is one of the nasty brigade who has come seemingly armed with references, firstly check the actual quotation in your Quran. Have they really only quoted what is there or have they embellished it with their own interpretation? It happens. And, if the quotation is genuine but sounds harsh to your ears, then use a commentary to become aware of the context in which the verse was revealed. Read widely. For every hard-line, unpleasant interpretation, there is usually a mild one from a serious writer or scholar.


Beware the Zealots!


Some real-life encounters can also be disconcerting. Whilst I have enjoyed an excellent rapport with some converts, the proverbial "zeal of the converted" can overflow in others. Some can turn into hard-line absolutists - a caricature of a Muslim. Also beware the political zealots. Recently while in London I had to endure a sermon at Jumma salat (Friday afternoon congregational prayers) held at a university in which the student acting as imam was very obviously pushing the agenda of a radical minority political grouping and spoke at length about whom it was our duty to kill!

Sadly far too many young Muslim men in England - the occasional convert and, particularly, the sons of Asian immigrants - get far too worked up about this or that political agenda and are in danger of overlooking the peaceful, spiritual core of Islam. As the writer Abdal-Hakim Murad puts it in his excellent essay British and Muslim, unsettled, discontented second generation Asian immigrant Muslims in Britain tend to locate their radicalism not primarily in a spiritual, but in social and political rejection of the oppressive order around them. Their unsettled and agitated mood is not always congenial to the recent convert, who may, despite the cultural distance, feel more comfortable with the first rather than the second generation of migrants, preferring their God-centered religion to what is often the troubled, identity-seeking Islam of the young.

Amen to that! These young radicals are prone to behave in the most obnoxious and nasty manner towards those other Muslims who do not agree with them. I would simply call the following words from the Quran and ahadith to their attention:

"Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious; for your Lord knows best who have strayed from His Path, and who are truly guided."
Quran 16:125

"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind."
(Muslims & Bukhari) Top

Must we proceed at the pace of the most prudish?
Whilst I have enjoyed many conversations about Islam in mixed male-female company (including with ladies who wear hijab), a small but vociferous minority of female born Muslims I have encountered have been very stand-offish and overly prudish. Despite the fact that the Quran teaches us that

"The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other." <Quran, Al-Taubah 9:71>

My own understanding is that what is improper is for one man and one woman to be alone together, but there should not be a problem about other mixing provided that proper Islamic behavior is maintained. I, a man, would never even have had the opportunity to discover Islam in the first instance were it not for friendships with several born Muslims (three of whom were women) prompting me to investigate the religion.

According to the prominent Sudanese Muslim scholar and leader, Dr. Hassan al-Turabi who is widely portrayed in the west as an Islamic fundamentalist, in his seminal 1973 work On the Position of Women in Islam and in Islamic Society'

"In the model society of Islam, Muslims used to assemble freely and frequently; they were mostly acquainted with each other, men and women; they conversed and interacted intensively. But all those activities, were undertaken in a spirit of innocence and in the context of a virtuous society...Islam tolerates that one may greet women or talk to them in decent and chaste language and with good intent. The Prophet used to do so."


"Muslim Name" and Attire?


Another gripe I have is the ignorance of many born Muslims about what they believe to be the necessity for a convert to adopt a so-called Muslim name. When I took my Shahada, I was asked not whether I wished to choose a "Muslim name" but what name I wished to adopt. Not knowing any better at the time, I did reluctantly choose a new name, and used it briefly in Muslim circles. However, I did not change any of my official documents. Only later did I discover that there is, in principle, no requirement whatsoever to change one's name. The original converts to Islam at the time of Prophet Mohammed usually kept the Arabic name they always had. The only exceptions were people who had a name with unpleasant or pagan connotations. So-called "Muslim names" are, in the main, simply Arabic ones or traditional names from countries that were early adopters of Islam. There is no requirement for a new Muslim to adopt one of these.

While I respect (though do not necessarily agree with) the choice of those Muslim converts who have adopted a new name, I expect all Muslims to respect the right of other converts such as myself to retain their original name. I generally now use my "real" name, not the "Muslim name" that was initially thrust upon me. Sadly I have come under pressure from some ignorant born Muslims on this matter.

To be frank, I feel that adopting a "Muslim name", makes it easier for one's existing circle of family and friends to dismiss one's conversion to Islam as an act of eccentricity which they can brush off. By changing one's name and starting to wear, say, Pakistani clothing, one confirms in their minds the foreignness or alien nature of what is supposed to be universal Islam. I believe that these actions, or dare I say distractions, make it harder for most people from non-Muslim countries to identify with Islam, the welcoming and inclusive universal religion open to all, and see how it could be relevant to their own lives.

The spiritually motivated western convert to Islam, whose Islam is centered on God not agitation, has a golden opportunity to depoliticize the widespread negative western perception of Islam and to diminish the impression that Islam is for strange, backward, sometimes frightening foreigners - Arabs and Asians - but not for westerners. In my view, this opportunity is thrown away or at the very least is hobbled by self-inflicted damage when a western convert unnecessarily adopts a foreign name and clothing, thus only reinforcing the preconceived notions and prejudices that non-Muslim fellow westerners tend to hold about Islam.


Relationship with non-Muslim parents


Again with regard to the issue of a "Muslim name" and similar matters, I think it is also important to bear in mind here the teaching of Islam with regard to one's duty to family, particularly one's parents even if they are themselves non-Muslims.

Your Lord had decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you are kind to parents whether one or both of them attain old age in your lifetime. Say not to them a word of contempt or repel them but address them in terms of honor and out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord, bestow on them your mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood".
(Quran 17:23-24)

Indeed there was an occasion when Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) commanded a believer to care for his non-Muslim parents rather than participate in Jihad (holy war).

Abdullah ibn Omar relates: "Once a person came to the Messenger of Allah and expressed his desire to participate in jihad in order to please Allah. The Holy Prophet asked him "Are your parents alive?" The man said "Yes. Both are alive". The Holy Prophet said 'Then go and serve them well".
(Bukhari and Muslim).

I felt that it was important that my parents who are both practicing Catholics should realize that I was not rejecting them, my upbringing or most of the things they held dear. It was simply that I had come to a new understanding of theology. Rejecting the name they had given me could really have been interpreted as being quite insulting to them, which in itself would be contrary to Islam. I am thinking here of the following ahadith:

"He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must please
his father and mother."
(Bukhari & Muslim)

In my case, I felt that abandoning for no good reason the very name given me by my loving parents would have been straining the ties of relationship, creating displeasure and certainly not indicative of showing kindness to or taking friendly care of my mother and father.


So-called "Islamic Causes"


When I, a westerner and a former practicing Christian, became a Muslim, I became just that - a Muslim, a believer in the religion of Islam, i.e. someone who believes in the oneness of God as opposed to the concept of Trinity and who accepts Mohammed (pbuh) as a prophet of God. I'm the same person with the same name, wearing the same western style of clothing (though now respecting the modest dress code of Islam) and eating the same style of food (though now making sure that my meat is halal). I have not rejected my country, its culture or tradition. I simply now hold different theological beliefs.


Final Thoughts


Based on my personal experience, my advice either to new Muslims or anyone considering the possibility of accepting Islam would be simply to judge a religion not by its adherents, many of whom may fall far short of the ideal in a variety of ways (and I include myself in that!), but rather by the theology and teachings of the religion itself. To be honest, I remain in Islam very much in spite of and not because of my experiences with Muslims. Only a handful have been of any help to me and quite a few hard-line politicos and joyless, uptight puritans have been a real hindrance. However, despite my great disappointment at both the lack of organized support available to new Muslims and the widespread politically focused rather than God-centered Islam so prevalent today, plus my intense dislike of the nasty behavior and attitudes of some of the Muslims I have encountered in person and online, I have most definitely found in the religion of Islam an intellectual and theological satisfaction that I never knew in Christianity. And at the end of the day, one's beliefs about God are what truly matters.

Allahu a`lam. God knows best.


Source :salam.

[Karima]

Alhamdulillah
Very well said! You were strong to hold fast to the facts.
I am sorry you have come across some 'distant' muslims in your encounters. Keep in mind that each of us are in different planes of being children of God. It is as a result of your discernments that you can assess the variety and tempermants of muslims.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your letter of what the reverts are faced with.
Not only that, but I have to thank God for my ears to hear beautiful music. And I stress, not haram words, haram meanings, haram anything....but gorgeous orchestrations of music!
Do I do this in order to fulfill the life of Islam? To do away with music that has been my life? (I know about Cat Stevens.....my music has always been towards God.....unlike the secular concerts that Cat gave....)
Do I become 'better' than those with faith in the Torah and the Bible, because I understand and believe that the prophet Muhammad was visited by the angel Gabriel?...when no one ever told me this before in the history books, or in the teachings of the church?
I am aware that the practices to be a better 'servant' of God is prevelant in Islam. The ritual of prayers helps to discipline this servanthood of God.
We all are striving to please God. Since I speak English, I have a sense of God rather than Allah, in Arabic, as some foreign entity. Please, those who are Arabic in natural language, continue to use Allah for God. My native tongue is God for God.
I have had experiences that have opened my eyes to Islam, and it is very difficult to 'change' into another person that I am...to please the Arabic speaking people who have been 'born' already in this natural tongue.
May God bless all who rever him. Alhamdulillah.....Praise be to God.
Sallam...Peace

Asalmualikum,
Thank you for postiing this.

This was a very 'realistic' post to read and identify with. Thank you for having this article in this web site.

[MubarekMuslimah]

Assalaamu alaikum

This is an excellent letter and I can relate to some of it - especially the mosque scenario. I don't go to the mosque as much as I should since I feel isolated sometimes when I am there - alot of the ladies don't speak English and/or make no move to chat to me other than say hello. I don't think this is their fault so much as they don't do it on purpose, I think that they all know each other and meet up and catch up and chat in their mother tongue and just aren't aware of any sister who is on her own around them. Some ladies have been very very nice - others jst stare at me which can be a bit weird!

Once when I went with my friend before my shahadah they all looked at me and chatted to her in Arabic as if I wasn't there - telling her how much reward she would get for helping me insha'allah. I understand this but it was a bit odd to be 'studied' quite so much and talked about, yet not talked to!

Again I don't think people mean bad they just don't realise that when you only speak English and don't know anyone it can be really isolating especially when you are new to Islam and nervous.

I also agree with the letter-writer with regards to retaining your original identity as long as it is Islamic. It is hard enough trying to explain to parents and upsetting for them without suddenly dressing in Shalwar Kameze (for instance) - it is possible to adhere to the Islamic dress code and still wear 'western' clothes which I try to do sort of, but I guess my clothing does have some 'Eastern' influences more now since so many western clothes don't adhere to islamic dress code - too tight, too short, pictures on them, etc.

It is helpful to non-muslims though, to start to understand that there are non-muslims out there - I have had people slag Islam off right in front of me supposing that I am christian or aetheist - Islam is for all mankind and it brightens me eveyr time I see a new revert alhamdulillah that our Ummah becomes more and more colourful.

With regards to names though, I added to my name an Islamic name rather than replaced my name as I wanted to mark the new phas in my life and identity - and I go by both my Islamic name and my original name which are vrey similar in meaning. I haven't chnaged my paperwork much - some of it but most stuff doesn't quote your middle name anyway. It can be amusing though when people hear an English name and then when you meet and tell them you're Muslim their jaw drops! lol! I told one lady at work when I started new job in my 1st week and when I came back from holiday 2 weeks lateer the entire department knew! Obviously I was hot gossip! In a way it helped so I didn't have to tell 40 odd people she saved me a job and when I was fasting a lot of people asked how I was getting on which was nice and told me how they admired me cos they couldn't get to 11 am without their coffee.

Alhamdulillah I am so happy I am revert and it was never gonna be easy but I am so proud to be part of a new wave of Muslims in this country and helping to open up people's eyes that Islam is for everyone and not just Asians as so many people think.

When I go out with 2 sisters I know, one of them likes telling the waitiress in the coffee shop/restaurant that we are all sisters since we all look so different in race- they never know to believe us its so funny, but then she explains - she calls us the United Colours of Benetton - its a good conversation opener to Islam

May Allah swt hold us steadfast to the rope of Unity, Ameen.

Salaams

Layla

[Mabsoot]

:salam2:

yes, it is a wonderful article MashaAllah. thanks for posting it Adil.
Also some great replies which i enjoyed reading, jazakallahu khayr.

Wasalam.

[alimirza]

Thank you very much for the great insight, your letter is very helpful for the newly revert brother and sisters as well as the Muslims born in the faith "which ofcourse does'nt make them any better or worse", Allah is the ultimate judge of one's piety. Although, one can imagine the hardship the new reverts face, I never thought of revert muslim's feeling of isolation, lack of interaction, and help from other muslim brother and sisters. Next time If I came around a revert Muslim I will defenetly do my best to make them feel welcome and befriend them.

As you have mentioned lack of information available, or the veriety of openionated information, contradictions, political agendas, interpertations etc. are valid concerns for all Muslims, as I am doing some research in women's rights in Islam, and rejection of violence against women. I found a lot of information contradictory to the teachings of Quran and Sunnah, and interpertations backed by some of the verses of Quran, depending on the four major schools of thoughts, as well as contemporary schools of thoughts namely modernists, and fundamatalists views. Finding authentic information online indeed is a challenge.

As far as lots of Muslims not offering explainatins and help, perhaps they might feel the way I do. I feel that I am not capable of giving correct information backed by citations from Quran and Sunnah and the correct (perception/view) interpertations. I may only be able to answer simple questions, for everything else its best if I "say" I do not know or I am not the right person to answer these question.

I admire your faith in Allah, and your quest for knowledge. By reading your letter, I feel that the knowledge of Islam you have aquired, puts you much ahead of me. Muslims like your are Allah's blessings on us all to revive and revitalize our faith, and to give us the motivation to do better.

Thank you, and may Allah reward you in this world and the next.

[adilsar]

As Salam Alaikum, Brother,

I think your letter makes a lot of sense. May Allah SWT Guide you and show you the way always.

I do believe, Dawah is not just about presenting Islam to Non-Muslims but also putting in place a support mechanism for reverts when they enter the religion.

Jazak Allahu Khairan

Syed Adil, Bangalore, India

[Karachi_prince]

its ashame to see that new reverts are having difficult experiences with born muslims.

[mansooranwar]

:salam2:

Very important issues, my humble opinion is that although there are lots of muslims out there many are casual muslim we take and practice what we can today and we are in a state that its more then satisfactory to us, while the whole purpose of us muslims was to spread the din (religion) in such a way that welcomes and clarify the Quran and Sunnah from our life to the others.

Having said all that we need to correct our self and come to the true Din otherwise we be learning and our new revart brothers and sisters will be like now reminding us our Din and teaching which we have forgotten.
:jazaak:

[brighten]

:salam2:

This letter helps to open a new horizon for me in understanding the dilemma faced by my new revert bros and sisters. May Allah continue to guide us on the straight path.

:jazaak: for posting it brother andalusian.

wassalam

[Basicofislam]

I feel bad that this is what the new muslims think of us. I remember i was at the masjid during taraweeh and there was this lady sitting next to me. I knew she was a new muslim. I wanted to say salam and talk to her but just the serious look on her face made me a little shy to talk. So it is not that people dont wanna talk but sometimes they just dont know how to start. But maybe next time i will talk and see how the other person reacts.Well as far as the Islamic knowledge is concerned. I feel a person should not ask from any and everybody. One has to learn from books, cds. And if possible islamic scholars. If you feel oh why the muslims dont help well i would say the big reason why is a lot of them themselves dont know that much that they can teach. Teaching itself is an art. a student will ask why this why that. And not everybody can answer that. So the best way to learn is to READ. Read the Quran, hadiths, and books written by scholars.

[Mahmoud1]

[quote=Andalusian;2719]FRUSTRATIONS OF A MUSLIM CONVERT


The "miracle" of the increasing number of converts is not only that people are finding the light of Islam in an age of such darkness but that they are coming to the faith despite the actions of some of its believers.


Introduction


I have been a Muslim for over two years now. Whilst I am deeply satisfied with Islam on an intellectual and theological level, much too often I have been far from happy in my experiences with fellow Muslims on a practical level. I have faced considerable difficulties in my attempts to develop as a Muslim. Although I have made the acquaintance of many Muslims through various mosques I have attended, this has been overwhelmingly only on a superficial level. I am close only to two Muslims in the city where I live. I met them coincidentally. One is a neighbor, the other a former colleague whom I now rarely see.


Lack of Induction


Although I have a good understanding of the basic theology of Islam and Islamic history, two years after my conversion I am to some extent still struggling with the practical daily basics. According to a hadith,"The search for knowledge is an obligation laid on every Muslim."(Ibn Majah, Baihaqi). A convert needs to search for more knowledge than a born Muslim who has had a lifetime of schooling in the faith. In my personal experience, it seems that established Muslims make at best only a token effort to assist new Muslims in fulfilling their religious obligations.

To my profound disappointment, as far as my Islamic education is concerned, I have been left to fend for myself. It would seem that no mosque I have visited has a systematic induction program for new converts. The mosques in my area are all dominated by south Asian immigrants, with a sprinkling of Africans on Fridays. They are not attuned to the needs of indigenous converts. In fairness, I seem to be the only white person (i.e. convert) at the mosques I attend, so they may not perceive a need. But nevertheless, I live in a major city with a significant Muslim population and many mosques. Surely there must be somewhere where a new Muslim adult can receive training in the practical daily basics. Surely the established Muslim community should know where to refer the convert even if they are not suitably geared up themselves at the local mosque.

The Catholic Church has a thorough practical and theological induction program that is actually compulsory for people who wish to join it. The Anglican Church actively advertises its Alpha Course to attract and teach new converts. We Muslims seem to have nothing organized.

When it comes to lack of both meaningful social welcome and organized teaching of Islam for new Muslims, American convert, teacher and writer, Yahiha Emerick, hits the nail on the head in his article Ten Things Every Muslim Must Do. At number six on his list, he says:

If you see any new Muslims at your Masjid (mosque), then partially "adopt" them into your family. The convert experience is basically one of isolation and loneliness. You'd be surprised to know that most converts are outright ignored by the people in the Masjid. Beyond a few pleasantries and handshakes, they are usually never made to feel welcome or accepted. They are often cut off from their non-Muslim friends and relatives so they are doubly vulnerable. A new convert should be invited into various people's home for dinner a minimum of six times a month. Get together with others and make sure you all put the new convert on your guest list for any sort of gathering.


Internet - the good, the bad and the dangerous!


Since my conversion to Islam I have had some horrible experiences with Muslims both on the Internet and face to face. I briefly mention these experiences here as a warning to other new Muslims. The Internet can be a wonderful place for learning about Islam. In fact, since my conversion, the Internet has been my primary source of materials with which to educate myself further about Islam. There are many excellent sites, but I would caution the new Muslim not to accept the information on all sites blindly, particularly if they have an arrogant, strident or unpleasant tone or stray from plain facts and concentrate on controversial opinion or on an overtly political agenda.

I would also urge new Muslims to avoid email forums or chat rooms about Islam absolutely. There are some nasty people lurking there - self-styled pseudo scholars preaching hellfire, doling out personal abuse and decrying sincere Muslims as non-believers. I was left utterly demoralized at one time and very, very angry on several occasions. I have now unsubscribed from all such forums. New Muslims should keep in mind the Hadith: "Verily, Allah is mild and is fond of mildness, and He gives to
the mild what He does not give to the harsh." (Muslim) If a website or e-group you come across is far removed from the above, then remove yourself from it!

There are also nice, well-meaning people who offer advice about matters of faith and practice without being in any way qualified to do so. If they get things wrong, they could unwittingly be leading the uninitiated astray and doing more harm than good. Be wary of accepting anything without a quotation from the Quran or authenticated hadith to back it up.

Having said that, if it is one of the nasty brigade who has come seemingly armed with references, firstly check the actual quotation in your Quran. Have they really only quoted what is there or have they embellished it with their own interpretation? It happens. And, if the quotation is genuine but sounds harsh to your ears, then use a commentary to become aware of the context in which the verse was revealed. Read widely. For every hard-line, unpleasant interpretation, there is usually a mild one from a serious writer or scholar.


Beware the Zealots!


Some real-life encounters can also be disconcerting. Whilst I have enjoyed an excellent rapport with some converts, the proverbial "zeal of the converted" can overflow in others. Some can turn into hard-line absolutists - a caricature of a Muslim. Also beware the political zealots. Recently while in London I had to endure a sermon at Jumma salat (Friday afternoon congregational prayers) held at a university in which the student acting as imam was very obviously pushing the agenda of a radical minority political grouping and spoke at length about whom it was our duty to kill!

Sadly far too many young Muslim men in England - the occasional convert and, particularly, the sons of Asian immigrants - get far too worked up about this or that political agenda and are in danger of overlooking the peaceful, spiritual core of Islam. As the writer Abdal-Hakim Murad puts it in his excellent essay British and Muslim, unsettled, discontented second generation Asian immigrant Muslims in Britain tend to locate their radicalism not primarily in a spiritual, but in social and political rejection of the oppressive order around them. Their unsettled and agitated mood is not always congenial to the recent convert, who may, despite the cultural distance, feel more comfortable with the first rather than the second generation of migrants, preferring their God-centered religion to what is often the troubled, identity-seeking Islam of the young.

Amen to that! These young radicals are prone to behave in the most obnoxious and nasty manner towards those other Muslims who do not agree with them. I would simply call the following words from the Quran and ahadith to their attention:

"Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious; for your Lord knows best who have strayed from His Path, and who are truly guided."
Quran 16:125

"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind."
(Muslims & Bukhari) Top

Must we proceed at the pace of the most prudish?
Whilst I have enjoyed many conversations about Islam in mixed male-female company (including with ladies who wear hijab), a small but vociferous minority of female born Muslims I have encountered have been very stand-offish and overly prudish. Despite the fact that the Quran teaches us that

"The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other." <Quran, Al-Taubah 9:71>

My own understanding is that what is improper is for one man and one woman to be alone together, but there should not be a problem about other mixing provided that proper Islamic behavior is maintained. I, a man, would never even have had the opportunity to discover Islam in the first instance were it not for friendships with several born Muslims (three of whom were women) prompting me to investigate the religion.

According to the prominent Sudanese Muslim scholar and leader, Dr. Hassan al-Turabi who is widely portrayed in the west as an Islamic fundamentalist, in his seminal 1973 work On the Position of Women in Islam and in Islamic Society'

"In the model society of Islam, Muslims used to assemble freely and frequently; they were mostly acquainted with each other, men and women; they conversed and interacted intensively. But all those activities, were undertaken in a spirit of innocence and in the context of a virtuous society...Islam tolerates that one may greet women or talk to them in decent and chaste language and with good intent. The Prophet used to do so."


"Muslim Name" and Attire?


Another gripe I have is the ignorance of many born Muslims about what they believe to be the necessity for a convert to adopt a so-called Muslim name. When I took my Shahada, I was asked not whether I wished to choose a "Muslim name" but what name I wished to adopt. Not knowing any better at the time, I did reluctantly choose a new name, and used it briefly in Muslim circles. However, I did not change any of my official documents. Only later did I discover that there is, in principle, no requirement whatsoever to change one's name. The original converts to Islam at the time of Prophet Mohammed usually kept the Arabic name they always had. The only exceptions were people who had a name with unpleasant or pagan connotations. So-called "Muslim names" are, in the main, simply Arabic ones or traditional names from countries that were early adopters of Islam. There is no requirement for a new Muslim to adopt one of these.

While I respect (though do not necessarily agree with) the choice of those Muslim converts who have adopted a new name, I expect all Muslims to respect the right of other converts such as myself to retain their original name. I generally now use my "real" name, not the "Muslim name" that was initially thrust upon me. Sadly I have come under pressure from some ignorant born Muslims on this matter.

To be frank, I feel that adopting a "Muslim name", makes it easier for one's existing circle of family and friends to dismiss one's conversion to Islam as an act of eccentricity which they can brush off. By changing one's name and starting to wear, say, Pakistani clothing, one confirms in their minds the foreignness or alien nature of what is supposed to be universal Islam. I believe that these actions, or dare I say distractions, make it harder for most people from non-Muslim countries to identify with Islam, the welcoming and inclusive universal religion open to all, and see how it could be relevant to their own lives.

The spiritually motivated western convert to Islam, whose Islam is centered on God not agitation, has a golden opportunity to depoliticize the widespread negative western perception of Islam and to diminish the impression that Islam is for strange, backward, sometimes frightening foreigners - Arabs and Asians - but not for westerners. In my view, this opportunity is thrown away or at the very least is hobbled by self-inflicted damage when a western convert unnecessarily adopts a foreign name and clothing, thus only reinforcing the preconceived notions and prejudices that non-Muslim fellow westerners tend to hold about Islam.


Relationship with non-Muslim parents


Again with regard to the issue of a "Muslim name" and similar matters, I think it is also important to bear in mind here the teaching of Islam with regard to one's duty to family, particularly one's parents even if they are themselves non-Muslims.

Your Lord had decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you are kind to parents whether one or both of them attain old age in your lifetime. Say not to them a word of contempt or repel them but address them in terms of honor and out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord, bestow on them your mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood".
(Quran 17:23-24)

Indeed there was an occasion when Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) commanded a believer to care for his non-Muslim parents rather than participate in Jihad (holy war).

Abdullah ibn Omar relates: "Once a person came to the Messenger of Allah and expressed his desire to participate in jihad in order to please Allah. The Holy Prophet asked him "Are your parents alive?" The man said "Yes. Both are alive". The Holy Prophet said 'Then go and serve them well".
(Bukhari and Muslim).

I felt that it was important that my parents who are both practicing Catholics should realize that I was not rejecting them, my upbringing or most of the things they held dear. It was simply that I had come to a new understanding of theology. Rejecting the name they had given me could really have been interpreted as being quite insulting to them, which in itself would be contrary to Islam. I am thinking here of the following ahadith:

"He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must please
his father and mother."
(Bukhari & Muslim)

In my case, I felt that abandoning for no good reason the very name given me by my loving parents would have been straining the ties of relationship, creating displeasure and certainly not indicative of showing kindness to or taking friendly care of my mother and father.


So-called "Islamic Causes"


When I, a westerner and a former practicing Christian, became a Muslim, I became just that - a Muslim, a believer in the religion of Islam, i.e. someone who believes in the oneness of God as opposed to the concept of Trinity and who accepts Mohammed (pbuh) as a prophet of God. I'm the same person with the same name, wearing the same western style of clothing (though now respecting the modest dress code of Islam) and eating the same style of food (though now making sure that my meat is halal). I have not rejected my country, its culture or tradition. I simply now hold different theological beliefs.


Final Thoughts


Based on my personal experience, my advice either to new Muslims or anyone considering the possibility of accepting Islam would be simply to judge a religion not by its adherents, many of whom may fall far short of the ideal in a variety of ways (and I include myself in that!), but rather by the theology and teachings of the religion itself. To be honest, I remain in Islam very much in spite of and not because of my experiences with Muslims. Only a handful have been of any help to me and quite a few hard-line politicos and joyless, uptight puritans have been a real hindrance. However, despite my great disappointment at both the lack of organized support available to new Muslims and the widespread politically focused rather than God-centered Islam so prevalent today, plus my intense dislike of the nasty behavior and attitudes of some of the Muslims I have encountered in person and online, I have most definitely found in the religion of Islam an intellectual and theological satisfaction that I never knew in Christianity. And at the end of the day, one's beliefs about God are what truly matters.

Allahu a`lam. God knows best.




Dear Brother
After reading your article, i was very saddened and quite dis-heartened as the behaviour of a Muslim should be quite contrary to what you have experienced with many of the Muslims you came across. Nevertheless, i firmly believe that there are many Muslims who are stead fast on their religion and who enjoy lending a helping hand to another fellow Muslim. Sometimes it takes an effort from both sides to reach out to one another and some fellow Muslims i have known to be either shy or do not know how to act in presence of newly joining Muslims.
I appreciate your sound and valid belief of the teachings and i hereby pledge to you as a Muslim Brother to always be of help and assistance to you in any way shape or form i can and ALLAH ( SWT ) is my witness.

[shauntay]

Assalam alikum,
Thank you for sharing your experience. I too am a convert, one year now, alhamdullah, but I was struggling with some of the same problems you have described. It can be very lonely being a convert but I have realized that perhaps my brothers and sisters of Islam are just not aware of the difficulties some converts experience. It is like living in neither world. Non muslim's (friends/family) refusing to accept one as muslim and muslim's not quite sure what to do with us. loool. But, anyways, I am grateful to have read your words. It helps to know, I am not alone in my experience. Thank you.
salam
shauntay

[UM ABDULLAH]

salamalikum,
you are right , many times i have seen ladies who have converted to islam in mosque and i realy wanted to talk or befriends with them but often felt shy to do so ,but your letter guided us aboout how the convert feels and inshallah in future we definitely will give them company and invite them to our homes often . may Allah always proptect you from evil, and give you good companions ,ameen

[nitewolf]

Salaam,

Indeed it is a "miracle" at the increasing number of new converts, especially after the efforts of many to further isolate muslims and mispresent God's perfect religion.

Some of us are blessed with education while most of the muslim population in the world are poor and uneducated. But i personally believe that is a root of cause of why the world is still peaceful; with a billion honest-living, tolerant people integrated in humanity at every corner of the globe. hundreds and thousands of muslims are killed. How much more tolerant can a religion be? Look at what some do for just two of their soldiers? absolutely barbaric.

It is easy to see how Islam changes a village of poor people, calm and peace with security.

God view us through our taqwa to Him and that has no affilitaion with whether one is a born muslim or was a convert. I met an individual who refer to himself as a muslim but do not know how to do his daily prayers. Nothing has shocked me more. Their parents never taught them and he had no idea what i was talking about when i asked him where he's going for Friday's prayers.

It is still frequent to find many individuals who are muslim just by name. But they sort of live their social life of what is taught by Islam. They do not drink alcohol, utmost respect for their parents, etc. They fast and pray for Eid, but occasional daily prayers, or none. Their level of taqwa is not satisfactory. And this i think is mainly because they are less fortunate and on not receiveing optimal religious knowledge. They can't afford to wander out of their village. And this a responsibility and burden to all other muslims to reach out to the poor less knowledgeable and guide them, whoever they are.

Ths issue of having a Muslim name is of course irrelevant to God but it has its effects on the general public. For some, by having a muslim name it links you to the religion superficially. There was a story of once a chinese convert who didn't change his name (and his religion officially - maybe he thought it was just documentative). When he died, his taoist parents claimed his body and wanted to burn him. They insisted he was still a taoist while his muslim friends are struggling to get him buried in a muslim cemetery. The goverment had to make a decision and since by law there was nothing to identify him as a muslim (either name or religion declaration), the parents won the claim of his body and did their ritual. May God bless his soul.

But it is still up to the individual. If i were a convert, i would change my name. Because people will know i'm a muslim just by reading or hearing my name, instead of needing to ask or check with me (socially). You know, it's the little things in life, and this might have an impact when you're "physically" different from the majority where people might overlook the real fact.

As the say, Heaven is placed on the sole your your mother's foot. And they didn't qoute that with "muslim mother". And the sunnah you qouted instills yet again how much we owe our parents, no matter of their religion, state of sanity or attitude. You embracing Islam should not cause to distance from your parents. They might disapprove, but we have to make sure that we always have the open hand towards them till they die. Blood is thicker than water and time will make they realise that you are still their son they once loved. A convert's struggle to maintain a perfect relationship with their non-muslim parents is arguably the highest levels of jihads that one is required of. There is no one more emotionally capable to attend to them if not for their for their own children. That is the essence of humanity. No one child deserve paradise if not with the blessings of their own parents. And parents' greatest treasure from this world are their righteous children who are "salehin". For God is all forgiving and merciful. Pray for God's forgiveness to our parents, for their safety and to lead them in the right path. Insya'Allah. Do your part and God will reward us accordingly.

I am born a muslim but did not go to a islamic school. Now that i'm finishing my undergraduate studies in engineering, i'm going to catch up and concentrate more on Islam, God willing.

Converts are usually more enthusiatic and determined to seek knowledge and generally they know more that most of muslims. They do it because they yearn for it and not because of social influence. But beware of where you seek that knowledge though. My parents always told me that we must learn from a book guided by a islamic teacher and not on our own. Syaitan will cloud our mind. That's is how extremism is born. They suit what they read to their agenda and not by reason with proper guidance. Read more on recommended books rather than relying on the internet. There are a lot in life that you can do on a personal level, like learning arabic, perfecting your prayers (spiritually), dzikir, reciting and memorizing the Qur'an, and be a great neighbour. I don't have a lot of close muslims friends, but i am more family-orientated. I also hang out with non-muslim friends but i'll just restraint on what is forbidden to me. We must not forget that our actions and contribution to this world also counts as an "ibadah". And that by socializing with the majority will show the rest on how beautiful our religion is, how it changes us and most importantly they do not view that muslims have to be in isolation from the society to practice our religion.

I hope i had not offended anyone by what i had wrote.

Wa'salaam

[Sulikha]

:salam2:

It is sad to hear that muslims are distant from each other and can't communicate well,:astag: . I have same matter sometimes Alhamdullilah I am born muslim, what I mean is that my sisters who speak arabic sometimes think I speak arabic [ for my Hijab]but when they come to know that, there is not much communication other than :salam2: becouse they don't speak english [most of them that I know] I don't speak arabic what else to say hmm :wasalam: . Again it all comes to laguage barrier. We are all one in Islam Brothers and Sisters.

:wasalam:

[sumeye86]

Selam Alaikum

Thank u for writing this letter..I think this has been the best thing ive ever read other than Quran(which im still reading). Im also a new convert..7 months soo far..Its been hard for me since im having a difficult time telling my parents...Insh Allah ,God will accept my prayer...

Im trying to learn Arabic..but then even English is not my native language soo its really hecktick sometimes... since there's absolutely no source in my own language..Im trying to learn Arabic and understand it in English...it feels like giving up once in while...but Elhamdullah im still striving to become a better Muslim..

Again thank u for the letter...May God bless our sisters and brothers.Ameen

[hussainv1]

assalamualaikum warah matullah hi wabarakatahu
indeed a very good post..this shows the difficulty faced by new converts within and outside the community..born muslims should learn how to accept fellow muslim converts and give them a sense of belonging to the community.
MAY ALLAH BLESS ALL MUSLIMS.

by
hussain ahmed
bangalore,india

[kayagila]

Alhamdulillah
Very well said! You were strong to hold fast to the facts.
I am sorry you have come across some 'distant' muslims in your encounters. Keep in mind that each of us are in different planes of being children of God. It is as a result of your discernments that you can assess the variety and tempermants of muslims.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your letter of what the reverts are faced with.
Not only that, but I have to thank God for my ears to hear beautiful music. And I stress, not haram words, haram meanings, haram anything....but gorgeous orchestrations of music!
Do I do this in order to fulfill the life of Islam? To do away with music that has been my life? (I know about Cat Stevens.....my music has always been towards God.....unlike the secular concerts that Cat gave....)
Do I become 'better' than those with faith in the Torah and the Bible, because I understand and believe that the prophet Muhammad was visited by the angel Gabriel?...when no one ever told me this before in the history books, or in the teachings of the church?
I am aware that the practices to be a better 'servant' of God is prevelant in Islam. The ritual of prayers helps to discipline this servanthood of God.
We all are striving to please God. Since I speak English, I have a sense of God rather than Allah, in Arabic, as some foreign entity. Please, those who are Arabic in natural language, continue to use Allah for God. My native tongue is God for God.
I have had experiences that have opened my eyes to Islam, and it is very difficult to 'change' into another person that I am...to please the Arabic speaking people who have been 'born' already in this natural tongue.
May God bless all who rever him. Alhamdulillah.....Praise be to God.
Sallam...Peace

Asalmualikum,
Thank you for postiing this.

This was a very 'realistic' post to read and identify with. Thank you for having this article in this web site.

Assalaam alaikum may i just say one thing i'm not really gualified but about calling god Allah, it's sort of comporsery becaouse you can say Gods or Goddes that really does not refer to Allah the only One even with a capital G it just doe'nt suit him please try To say Allah Remember he choose arabic as our language ans Islam as our Deen we will speak it as soon as we die it's best to learn it in this world it's much easier when you are asked who is your Lord in the grave you can reply ALLAH!!!

[revertmuslimah]

Asalaamu alaikum brother,
I am also a revert alhumdulillah. I am very lucky though my experience to yours has been very different being a woman. I have 3 muslim sisters who are so supportive and friendly and also a few muslim brothers. I said my shahadah in front of them at the mosque in front of the imam at the local mosque. It is very hard sometimes as we were not born into Islam but chose to embrace it therefore we do not have the background or the baggage of culture to help or hinder us. My sisters and I were nearly in tears during my shahadah and I know it was as special day to them as it is to me. I think the best way to learn and practice Islam is to read the Qu'ran, Hadith and follow Sunnah all muslims should support each other in the quest to please Allah (subhana wa ta'ala). Also this is a wonderful piece of advice i was given my one of my sisters who is also a revert 'if you do not know if what you are doing is wrong remember the intention is' Allah is forgiving if we make mistakes and will mercy on us. As long as the intention is good and pure we are still being good muslims. There are many fears and hardship in enbracing Islam especially in todays world. What I do is ask Allah from my heart to grant mt the strength and patience to overcome any obstacles Allah doesn't give us more than we can cope with. I think maybe it would be a good idea for Reverts to set up their own forum perhaps especially as it would benefit us. Sometimes I worry that I am not doing things properly and I always worry that I will look stupid if I ask but if I dont how will I know! I agree that you sometimes have to be wary that people are unintentionally misleading you so its best to research yourself as well just to be sure. I'd better stop because i'm waffling.

may Allah have mercy on us all and grant us strength and patience to be better muslims inshallah.

Wa alaikum asalaam

[sugarbb]

i feel for you brother but this is a wake up call to all muslims (incldg myself first) to play our part to help new reverts. There is no excuse to be ignorant. May Allah guide us all in the future. InsyaAllah.

[Wulf]

Asalaam Alaykum

A most interesting read. From converastions that have had with a few revert Muslims, this set of circumstances is not uncommon. I myself have had offers of help that do not come to fruition.

I get the feeling at times, that to some people, Culture comes first, language second, the Qur'an third and to be perfectly honest it can be quite disheartening. It hasn't been that people cannot speak or understand English, they can.
I do not condemn, that is not my way. I just smile and take my leave.

To date, I have not visited a Mosque for prayer. I fear being on the inside while being left on the outside.

W'Asalaam

Ibrahim

[sirine]

salam worf,

I agree totally with what you said. Many people unfortunately think that a culture, a religion or a language are proper to one individual. But hamdoulillah, everybody can learn arabic and embrace islam. It s not something impossible to reach, we only need faith in our heart and everything will be ok inchaallah.

Yesterday a convert told me that he hated to be called convert, that even born muslim can convert because they were also blind and didnt know about islam till a day when they realise the beauty of their religion. And in fact, i realized that he was so right. Many converts know much more than born muslims machaallah.

May Allah guide us.

[Haji2005]

Dear Andalusian

Thank you for sharing your experience. I feel your pain and I hope your stay here has given you some support.

I agree that most mosques in the USA, lack the induction "new comers" training that is essentially required for new converts to learn, understand, and adapt to their new way of life "Islam". Thus, most struggle similar to your struggle.

I hope if any of the mosque leaders ready your post here will consider your suggestions and start the implmentation promptly. One of the areas that can also be considered is developing a entrusted mentoring or buddy system for new converts.

Most of the converts I have met in the USa are of exceptional character, education, and manners. I hope and wish that these new converts will become the leaders of their respective communities as the continue to learn.

:salam2: :)

[Rabdatolah]

FRUSTRATIONS OF A MUSLIM CONVERT


The "miracle" of the increasing number of converts is not only that people are finding the light of Islam in an age of such darkness but that they are coming to the faith despite the actions of some of its believers.


Introduction


I have been a Muslim for over two years now. Whilst I am deeply satisfied with Islam on an intellectual and theological level, much too often I have been far from happy in my experiences with fellow Muslims on a practical level. I have faced considerable difficulties in my attempts to develop as a Muslim. Although I have made the acquaintance of many Muslims through various mosques I have attended, this has been overwhelmingly only on a superficial level. I am close only to two Muslims in the city where I live. I met them coincidentally. One is a neighbor, the other a former colleague whom I now rarely see.


Lack of Induction


Although I have a good understanding of the basic theology of Islam and Islamic history, two years after my conversion I am to some extent still struggling with the practical daily basics. According to a hadith,"The search for knowledge is an obligation laid on every Muslim."(Ibn Majah, Baihaqi). A convert needs to search for more knowledge than a born Muslim who has had a lifetime of schooling in the faith. In my personal experience, it seems that established Muslims make at best only a token effort to assist new Muslims in fulfilling their religious obligations.

To my profound disappointment, as far as my Islamic education is concerned, I have been left to fend for myself. It would seem that no mosque I have visited has a systematic induction program for new converts. The mosques in my area are all dominated by south Asian immigrants, with a sprinkling of Africans on Fridays. They are not attuned to the needs of indigenous converts. In fairness, I seem to be the only white person (i.e. convert) at the mosques I attend, so they may not perceive a need. But nevertheless, I live in a major city with a significant Muslim population and many mosques. Surely there must be somewhere where a new Muslim adult can receive training in the practical daily basics. Surely the established Muslim community should know where to refer the convert even if they are not suitably geared up themselves at the local mosque.

The Catholic Church has a thorough practical and theological induction program that is actually compulsory for people who wish to join it. The Anglican Church actively advertises its Alpha Course to attract and teach new converts. We Muslims seem to have nothing organized.

When it comes to lack of both meaningful social welcome and organized teaching of Islam for new Muslims, American convert, teacher and writer, Yahiha Emerick, hits the nail on the head in his article Ten Things Every Muslim Must Do. At number six on his list, he says:

If you see any new Muslims at your Masjid (mosque), then partially "adopt" them into your family. The convert experience is basically one of isolation and loneliness. You'd be surprised to know that most converts are outright ignored by the people in the Masjid. Beyond a few pleasantries and handshakes, they are usually never made to feel welcome or accepted. They are often cut off from their non-Muslim friends and relatives so they are doubly vulnerable. A new convert should be invited into various people's home for dinner a minimum of six times a month. Get together with others and make sure you all put the new convert on your guest list for any sort of gathering.


Internet - the good, the bad and the dangerous!


Since my conversion to Islam I have had some horrible experiences with Muslims both on the Internet and face to face. I briefly mention these experiences here as a warning to other new Muslims. The Internet can be a wonderful place for learning about Islam. In fact, since my conversion, the Internet has been my primary source of materials with which to educate myself further about Islam. There are many excellent sites, but I would caution the new Muslim not to accept the information on all sites blindly, particularly if they have an arrogant, strident or unpleasant tone or stray from plain facts and concentrate on controversial opinion or on an overtly political agenda.

I would also urge new Muslims to avoid email forums or chat rooms about Islam absolutely. There are some nasty people lurking there - self-styled pseudo scholars preaching hellfire, doling out personal abuse and decrying sincere Muslims as non-believers. I was left utterly demoralized at one time and very, very angry on several occasions. I have now unsubscribed from all such forums. New Muslims should keep in mind the Hadith: "Verily, Allah is mild and is fond of mildness, and He gives to
the mild what He does not give to the harsh." (Muslim) If a website or e-group you come across is far removed from the above, then remove yourself from it!

There are also nice, well-meaning people who offer advice about matters of faith and practice without being in any way qualified to do so. If they get things wrong, they could unwittingly be leading the uninitiated astray and doing more harm than good. Be wary of accepting anything without a quotation from the Quran or authenticated hadith to back it up.

Having said that, if it is one of the nasty brigade who has come seemingly armed with references, firstly check the actual quotation in your Quran. Have they really only quoted what is there or have they embellished it with their own interpretation? It happens. And, if the quotation is genuine but sounds harsh to your ears, then use a commentary to become aware of the context in which the verse was revealed. Read widely. For every hard-line, unpleasant interpretation, there is usually a mild one from a serious writer or scholar.


Beware the Zealots!


Some real-life encounters can also be disconcerting. Whilst I have enjoyed an excellent rapport with some converts, the proverbial "zeal of the converted" can overflow in others. Some can turn into hard-line absolutists - a caricature of a Muslim. Also beware the political zealots. Recently while in London I had to endure a sermon at Jumma salat (Friday afternoon congregational prayers) held at a university in which the student acting as imam was very obviously pushing the agenda of a radical minority political grouping and spoke at length about whom it was our duty to kill!

Sadly far too many young Muslim men in England - the occasional convert and, particularly, the sons of Asian immigrants - get far too worked up about this or that political agenda and are in danger of overlooking the peaceful, spiritual core of Islam. As the writer Abdal-Hakim Murad puts it in his excellent essay British and Muslim, unsettled, discontented second generation Asian immigrant Muslims in Britain tend to locate their radicalism not primarily in a spiritual, but in social and political rejection of the oppressive order around them. Their unsettled and agitated mood is not always congenial to the recent convert, who may, despite the cultural distance, feel more comfortable with the first rather than the second generation of migrants, preferring their God-centered religion to what is often the troubled, identity-seeking Islam of the young.

Amen to that! These young radicals are prone to behave in the most obnoxious and nasty manner towards those other Muslims who do not agree with them. I would simply call the following words from the Quran and ahadith to their attention:

"Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious; for your Lord knows best who have strayed from His Path, and who are truly guided."
Quran 16:125

"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind."
(Muslims & Bukhari) Top

Must we proceed at the pace of the most prudish?
Whilst I have enjoyed many conversations about Islam in mixed male-female company (including with ladies who wear hijab), a small but vociferous minority of female born Muslims I have encountered have been very stand-offish and overly prudish. Despite the fact that the Quran teaches us that

"The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other." <Quran, Al-Taubah 9:71>

My own understanding is that what is improper is for one man and one woman to be alone together, but there should not be a problem about other mixing provided that proper Islamic behavior is maintained. I, a man, would never even have had the opportunity to discover Islam in the first instance were it not for friendships with several born Muslims (three of whom were women) prompting me to investigate the religion.

According to the prominent Sudanese Muslim scholar and leader, Dr. Hassan al-Turabi who is widely portrayed in the west as an Islamic fundamentalist, in his seminal 1973 work On the Position of Women in Islam and in Islamic Society'

"In the model society of Islam, Muslims used to assemble freely and frequently; they were mostly acquainted with each other, men and women; they conversed and interacted intensively. But all those activities, were undertaken in a spirit of innocence and in the context of a virtuous society...Islam tolerates that one may greet women or talk to them in decent and chaste language and with good intent. The Prophet used to do so."


"Muslim Name" and Attire?


Another gripe I have is the ignorance of many born Muslims about what they believe to be the necessity for a convert to adopt a so-called Muslim name. When I took my Shahada, I was asked not whether I wished to choose a "Muslim name" but what name I wished to adopt. Not knowing any better at the time, I did reluctantly choose a new name, and used it briefly in Muslim circles. However, I did not change any of my official documents. Only later did I discover that there is, in principle, no requirement whatsoever to change one's name. The original converts to Islam at the time of Prophet Mohammed usually kept the Arabic name they always had. The only exceptions were people who had a name with unpleasant or pagan connotations. So-called "Muslim names" are, in the main, simply Arabic ones or traditional names from countries that were early adopters of Islam. There is no requirement for a new Muslim to adopt one of these.

While I respect (though do not necessarily agree with) the choice of those Muslim converts who have adopted a new name, I expect all Muslims to respect the right of other converts such as myself to retain their original name. I generally now use my "real" name, not the "Muslim name" that was initially thrust upon me. Sadly I have come under pressure from some ignorant born Muslims on this matter.

To be frank, I feel that adopting a "Muslim name", makes it easier for one's existing circle of family and friends to dismiss one's conversion to Islam as an act of eccentricity which they can brush off. By changing one's name and starting to wear, say, Pakistani clothing, one confirms in their minds the foreignness or alien nature of what is supposed to be universal Islam. I believe that these actions, or dare I say distractions, make it harder for most people from non-Muslim countries to identify with Islam, the welcoming and inclusive universal religion open to all, and see how it could be relevant to their own lives.

The spiritually motivated western convert to Islam, whose Islam is centered on God not agitation, has a golden opportunity to depoliticize the widespread negative western perception of Islam and to diminish the impression that Islam is for strange, backward, sometimes frightening foreigners - Arabs and Asians - but not for westerners. In my view, this opportunity is thrown away or at the very least is hobbled by self-inflicted damage when a western convert unnecessarily adopts a foreign name and clothing, thus only reinforcing the preconceived notions and prejudices that non-Muslim fellow westerners tend to hold about Islam.


Relationship with non-Muslim parents


Again with regard to the issue of a "Muslim name" and similar matters, I think it is also important to bear in mind here the teaching of Islam with regard to one's duty to family, particularly one's parents even if they are themselves non-Muslims.

Your Lord had decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you are kind to parents whether one or both of them attain old age in your lifetime. Say not to them a word of contempt or repel them but address them in terms of honor and out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord, bestow on them your mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood".
(Quran 17:23-24)

Indeed there was an occasion when Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) commanded a believer to care for his non-Muslim parents rather than participate in Jihad (holy war).

Abdullah ibn Omar relates: "Once a person came to the Messenger of Allah and expressed his desire to participate in jihad in order to please Allah. The Holy Prophet asked him "Are your parents alive?" The man said "Yes. Both are alive". The Holy Prophet said 'Then go and serve them well".
(Bukhari and Muslim).

I felt that it was important that my parents who are both practicing Catholics should realize that I was not rejecting them, my upbringing or most of the things they held dear. It was simply that I had come to a new understanding of theology. Rejecting the name they had given me could really have been interpreted as being quite insulting to them, which in itself would be contrary to Islam. I am thinking here of the following ahadith:

"He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must please
his father and mother."
(Bukhari & Muslim)

In my case, I felt that abandoning for no good reason the very name given me by my loving parents would have been straining the ties of relationship, creating displeasure and certainly not indicative of showing kindness to or taking friendly care of my mother and father.


So-called "Islamic Causes"


When I, a westerner and a former practicing Christian, became a Muslim, I became just that - a Muslim, a believer in the religion of Islam, i.e. someone who believes in the oneness of God as opposed to the concept of Trinity and who accepts Mohammed (pbuh) as a prophet of God. I'm the same person with the same name, wearing the same western style of clothing (though now respecting the modest dress code of Islam) and eating the same style of food (though now making sure that my meat is halal). I have not rejected my country, its culture or tradition. I simply now hold different theological beliefs.


Final Thoughts


Based on my personal experience, my advice either to new Muslims or anyone considering the possibility of accepting Islam would be simply to judge a religion not by its adherents, many of whom may fall far short of the ideal in a variety of ways (and I include myself in that!), but rather by the theology and teachings of the religion itself. To be honest, I remain in Islam very much in spite of and not because of my experiences with Muslims. Only a handful have been of any help to me and quite a few hard-line politicos and joyless, uptight puritans have been a real hindrance. However, despite my great disappointment at both the lack of organized support available to new Muslims and the widespread politically focused rather than God-centered Islam so prevalent today, plus my intense dislike of the nasty behavior and attitudes of some of the Muslims I have encountered in person and online, I have most definitely found in the religion of Islam an intellectual and theological satisfaction that I never knew in Christianity. And at the end of the day, one's beliefs about God are what truly matters.

Allahu a`lam. God knows best.


Source :salam.

Salam Alaykum, i was really touch by your letter and i just wanted to tell you that i wish i could do something for you to help i myself need more knowledge about islam but like you mentioned that "one's beliefs about god are what truly matters".I was born in a muslim family i'am married and i have 2 beautifull kids Alhamdoulilah.I would like to know more about you and i would love to help you let me know what i can do.May Allah bless you and keep you strong!!Assalamo Alaykum wa rahmatolah wa barakatu.IN ALLAH WE SHALL RETURN!

[jabba]

Deleted, because i can't say how I feel, I have to act like a robot around everyone, just to be liked. my feedback, like me won't be missed anyways

[DOC_BRO]

Asalam o Alaikum,
I really feel so embarrased that we being muslims are so much so called muslims just namesake.
One question i wanna ask our convert brothers/sisters that sometimes i feel afraid to ask a brother if he is a new muslim or a revert because I think he might be offended or think that since i am a born muslim i think i m better or else.... so i just keep away from that question unless i am told by that person himself. So can someone(specially new muslim) pls tell me how would it be appropiate to approach a convert//new muslim??? coz this might give me a better idea n help me a what u might personaly think or would expect to be asked.Would it be appropiate to invite him home???I am sorry but i need to learn that so in future its easy for us.
But yes this article is another eye opener for us...
JazakAllaho Khairum

[aaminah]

thank you for posting this, very well said. i almost don't want to post anything here anymore after being misinterpreted and received hurtful private msgs. im adopting and still need to learn more to be better muslim, born muslims are lucky for they were guided by muslim parents, family and muslim community on what Allah wants us to be like. Unlike most converts who needs to search and search to learn more. I notice though that when you don's miss prayers(salah), do it at right time, add 2 raka'a... Allah swt will guide you more and show signs to correct your mistakes MashaAllah.

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Although I am a born Muslim my ways are very American. i encounter the wall as I call it. At my masjid, they do not know me. I do my thing. I attend a class; I clean up the kitchen, the brothers are very rude to me. The sisters are cold.
I am a Pakistani by parents, Irani by birth, English by accent, and American by way of life..and a Muslim by choice...
I encounter the wall. I encounter the silent treatment. It is sick. It is sick.
I go to the masjid for the love of Allah. I go to the masjid for the fear of Allah...I have two sisters who are my friends: one is afro-american and the other is anglo-american...and they get the same cold shoulder...so we sit together...
Doc Brother tell you wife to tell her friends to welcome reverts/converts and in my case a bornone. Include us in your conversations, invite us to your homes...show us the manners that are from the core of Islam. Talk to us.

[nyerekareem]

:salam2:

i have no muslim friends. i know a few muslims, but unfortunately they are only muslim in name. i pray that Allah SWT guide them. i get people to say salaam or shake hands but no one has ever tried to befriend me. so i am a very lonely person, especially since my family aren't muslims. they have no problem with islam at all, but they aren't ready to decide their faith. it's been a rough path.

:wasalam:

[DOC_BRO]

Asalam o Alaikum
Sister thats really sad to hear. So see i really wanna learn the etiquettes of my behaviour approach so sister mirajmom why dont u or brother mabsoot start a thread abt how to greet or interact with a new muslim. Frankly speaking mostly i have real hesistation as to how the other person might take it because in US its kind of odd to ask personal question or u might integrate ones privacy kind of thing hope u understand wht i mean??? i am not making an excuse but i dont wanna starting with wrong question or notes when the other muslim brother might be expcting to hear something which makes him more comfortable and i end up asking something stupid.
So I think there should be a thread with some simple example based on out new muslim brothers and sister as to what they might have expected or would have liked to be asked. I knw that every person has a diffrent mind but by discussing we can make a general approach and that might be helpful to of us and by that we can make sure no new muslim feels stranded alone infacts feels the brotherhood.
I do salam now a days to whomever i think or feel like he's a muslim in the street or mall I did meet this african american brother whom i met last wk when i was in Newark,NJ he had a small beard and as always i always look for some muslims sometimes i count them also :) funny but i am very emotional with brotherhood thing so I knew for sure in my heart tht he is a muslim i said salam o alaikum, its a big Gateway center like middle of all the fastfood and buisness ppl walking around and he replied loudly walaikum asalam and u knw how their voices are like very loud and he asked me how did u figure out i was a muslim i said 'a brother knws a brother very well' and he laughed loudly.. we had a chat.From the look itself seemed he was a staunch muslim Alhumdolilah I felt very happy after tht moment i felt i did something good today. So tht is wht we want our brothers n sisters to feel the bond.
And let me tell our reverted/brother n sisters i personally feel most of the new muslims have a wider knwledge n better understanding of Islam compared to the born muslims n We really do respect them for their deep faith as its a eye opener for us born muslims with such reaction 'ohh where was i all these yrs???when a new muslim learned so much in such less time... i guess i could have learned something too!!!...'
JazakAllah ho khair
Ma'Salam

[melissa123]

Thanks for the post, it was a good reminder :)

[Ahmed Najash]

WOW! I never realized.

[Wulf]

A'salaamu 'aleikom

Well, here I am five months later and some things have changed, not many, just some.
I attend a large masjid quite often. Jummah is so crowded that a downstairs room is also used. To most, I am but a face in the crowd, which is ok by me. The salaams tend to be perfunctory in nature, lacking any real affection. With the exception of one or two people, the sound of my voice tends to make many veer away from me, as if i have contracted some contagion that may be passed on. But thats ok.

The light comes from another masjid. It is a long way from where I live, but I go there every Sunday to hear lectures and to study. This place actively practices Darwah, reaching out to the wider community, making "New Muslims" feel accepted and welcome. There are dinners for reverts to meet and discuss where they are in their lives. The salaams are full of warmth, the smiles are genuine, and help with questions is readily available.

I ask myself, "Why is this so?" Then I look again, and realise that the Masjid is small, the people are young, not set in their ways with predjudices about non Arab speaking or Indian Muslims. When someone says, "How are you?" It is a genuine question, and they really want to know, not just an obligatory enquiry, as demanded by good manners.
For some reason thay are mindful that I travel 50 kilometres to be there for Asr and Magrib. Yet for me it is no great thing, just something I do. Although with the traffic, I would probably feel safer walking through Bagdad with an American Flag.
Most of all, they do not treat me as if I am someone special just because I am new Muslim. They treat me special just because I am a Muslim, no different to anyone else there.
I do not seek recognition for choosing the path I have taken. It is enough that Allah (subhanna wa ta'ala) recognises me, when the sun shines no more, and I stand before him to be judged for my deeds, intentional or not.
After these five months, I look and see that, albeit that I had to teach myself many things about Islam, including how to pray, patience and prayer has led me to further knowledge. Even though I mostly face life alone, I know that I am not totaly alone, I just pray, and talk to Allah (subhanna wa ta'ala), and I am healed.

So how does one aproach a New Muslim? The same as you aproach any Muslim. The new muslim is more nervous than you are. They see you, and think, How do I talk to that person? What shall I say? It is like meeting your spouse for the very first time.
For some, the tension becomes so great, they simply change their minds. They feel it is easier being what they were, rather than face the rejection from what they had tried to become.

So if you are, like myself, a new Muslim, be patient and sooner or later things will work out. If it is possible visit other masjid, if not then Allah (Subhanna wa ta'ala) will lead you, if you would just but ask Him.

One other thing, If there are those who would critisize your lack of knowledge, without guidance, just turn you back. Their boasting to show off so called superior knowledge, is like the sound of an empty bucket, full of air.
If one offers gentle critisism, but guides you to the right path? Listen, and know that Allah (subhanna wa ta'ala) is with you.

W'salaam
Ibrahim

[OmarTheFrench]

Here in France we have some luck.

We have a community(young peoples) who are helpful with us(new revert).

Because even if they are born in a Muslim family, they didn't practicing, so when they turn seriously to Islam, they understand your difficulties of new revert, and help us.

[NurJannah]

:salam2:

This is a well articulated article I really agree with points made though, I would like to say something in addition to what you said brother. I am a born muslim but was not practicing till few years back and I new nothing about faith except Shahada, prayer. fasting, zakah and Hajj. I did not know how a muslim is suppose to behave. I did not know brotherhood and sisterhood I did not know anything. I was arrogent, a showoff, sarcastic to others and big time judgmental. I had all these things because I did not know how I am suppose to behave. Even when I was praying I had no Idea that praying only is not enough. After years of learning I am getting to know how to behave and still I have lot to change in my self. I am still not the best muslim I want to be.
The reason I am sharing this is that there are lot of people like me who simply do not know true meaning of being a muslim. Some of them are muslim by name only they do not have any knowledge of being anything other then that.
Some of them actually believe that shahada alone is enough for a passport to Jannah. I mean there are many people who really are Ignorant of their responsiblities. I am not making excuses for such people.
The other thing is that immigrents generally are not as open minded as European or Americans are, they generally keep to themselves but that does not always mean that all of them are biased against coverts.
Definetly We have to be better educated about our deen.
MaAssalam

[dianek]

"The other thing is that immigrents generally are not as open minded as European or Americans are,"

Then maybe they should not immigrate to those Europe or America. If you aren't open minded, then you don't belong there.......my husband complains about America all the time, and I have to remind it was his choice to come here. If he doesn't like my country, then get on a plane and go back home, but don't sit here and bad mouth it. I am not muslim but I have told my husband on multiple times that if Muslims wanted to show how open they are in searching for bringing people to islam, then they should get out of their box and comfort zone to reach out to others. They don't around here. They just "keep it in the family" so to speak. I think Outreach programs to NON-MUSLIMS would be a great opportunity for them and the non-muslim community. All my husband says is there isn't a large muslim community here.....I rest my case!

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

I'm the same person with the same name, wearing the same western style of clothing (though now respecting the modest dress code of Islam) and eating the same style of food (though now making sure that my meat is halal). I have not rejected my country, its culture or tradition. I simply now hold different theological beliefs.
TAKE CRE BROTHERS AND SISTERS JUST AS YOU CHECK HE MEAT IS HALAAL CHECK FOR WHICH TRADITIONS ,CULTURE AND IDEOLOGIES ARE UNISLAMIC.
Eg america's imperialism
india's traditions
chinas ideology. then halloween, and ll such stuff .
as for ur thinking about being unwelcome thats not true what puts off many born muslims{if there is any such thing we all have to strive dont we?] is the coldness or lack of confidence on the part of new onverts.a second reason is mny are ashamed for not practicing their islam properly .whatever the reason they are ur brothers and sisters in islam and all have right over each other .and he most honorable in the sight of Allah is the most pious.i m born muslim but when i strted becoming a true muslim i faceD These problems.its a test from ALLAH,both for you and other born muslims.tht apart GOD is a common noun and ALLaH is the proper name of God .of course you can use any of his beautful names.
lastly arabic is the lnguage of Quran so if we learn it better for us ..t the end of the day it is upto us how much we follow. Allahhafiz.
so just take care .

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

let the new coverts be the muhajireen and the born muslim be helpers and LETS PREVENT EACH OTHER FOR COMPROMISING OUR DEEN BECUSE ALLAH IS KEEPING ACCOUNT OF OUR DEEDS.WALLHHOAALAM.

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

Originally Posted by Karima
Alhamdulillah
Very well said! You were strong to hold fast to the facts.
I am sorry you have come across some 'distant' muslims in your encounters. Keep in mind that each of us are in different planes of being children of God. It is as a result of your discernments that you can assess the variety and tempermants of muslims.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your letter of what the reverts are faced with.
Not only that, but I have to thank God for my ears to hear beautiful music. And I stress, not haram words, haram meanings, haram anything....but gorgeous orchestrations of music!Do I do this in order to fulfill the life of Islam? To do away with music that has been my life? (I know about Cat Stevens.....my music has always been towards God.....unlike the secular concerts that Cat gave"

hello cHILDREN OF GOD ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????
lets check what we are posting?

[Hellen]

And I thought it was only me!!! infact one of the first things that was said to me was "Whats your new name then"...to which I responded "Im Helen always have been always will be"...Its been entirely a solitary experience and the information above is read and received with thanks...Its strange because Im fine with all other cultures, at my mosque its all asians ...everythings done in URDU so I understand nothing and Im left feeling alienated and excluded because Im British and white ???? then they proceed to tell me that they feel alienated within the community we live in ...kinda makes me wonder why they are so surprised....
All the information I

[Hellen]

Ive been in exactly the same situation and asked about changing my name Ive also had peoples cultures shoved down my throat to the point they even wanted to dress me in a pakistani outfit...My mosque only speak in URDU so I understand nothing and any information Ive been given has been written For "Brothers"...Im actually an outsider at my mosque and made to feel so...and then people wonder why in the UK Islam has such bad media

[MuhammadAbdAllah]

Once one arab said to me that everyone who is muslim is automatically an 'arab'. I asked him if he is on drugs. Arab is a race while a muslim is someone who adopts islam as his or her religion. A japanese who becomes a muslim, is an arab automatically??? this guy must have smoked something :-).

[Al-Kashmiri]

Once one arab said to me that everyone who is muslim is automatically an 'arab'. I asked him if he is on drugs. Arab is a race while a muslim is someone who adopts islam as his or her religion. A japanese who becomes a muslim, is an arab automatically??? this guy must have smoked something :-).

As-salaamu `alaykum

Thought I'd add that the scholars view the one who knows the `Arabic language as an `Arab. This is what many ullemaa' have held for centuries including Ibn Taymiyyah.

[khansahil]

jazakallah khair thanks for shareing this well it is not dat we dunt wana help sumtimes we just got stuck on wat to say n how to start n now as i came to diz forum ive learned alot thanks alkhamdulillah im gona be carefull next time i see sum1 who is converted n would help him or her in anything i can inshallah

[seema2005]

One thing I wanna add is that we shouldnt say 'convert' instead say "revert" as everyone is born a muslim state of fitr hence this is what should be used. Though I am a born muslim but I do believe that our revert brother and sisters have a stonger Iman and understanding of Islam and I think they should be handling the mosques and organizations instead as everywhere u go there are people bringing there culture in pakistani arabic indian and so on but they tend to forget that in Islam there is no culture Islam itself is a such a great guidance tht we dont need any false cultures , our religion provides everything then why stick to such untruly values.
May Allah have his mercy upon us AAMEEN.

[seema2005]

One thing I wanna add is that we shouldnt say 'convert' instead say "revert" as everyone is born a muslim state of fitr hence this is what should be used. Though I am a born muslim but I do believe that our revert brother and sisters have a stonger Iman and understanding of Islam and I think they should be handling the mosques and organizations instead as everywhere u go there are people bringing there culture in pakistani arabic indian and so on but they tend to forget that in Islam there is no culture Islam itself is a such a great guidance tht we dont need any false cultures , our religion provides everything then why stick to such untruly values.
May Allah have his mercy upon us AAMEEN.

[nyerekareem]

:salam2:

this is as if i had written the letter. because this has been my whole experience as a muslim. i have only stayed for 2 reasons:

1. i can't turn back knowing that islam is the truth.
2. that islam is perfect and muslims aren't.

i've been muslim almost half of my life and i don't think i have spoken more than a paragraph with anyone at the masjid. i wanted to but i was ignored.

last week after maghrib i went to shake the hand of a south asian brother and he looked at me as if i had 5 heads, cause i was " black " . the funny thing was that he was 3 shades darker than i was.
:wasalam:

[Asiya-sparkles]

Aauthu billahe minish shaytan nirajeem,
Bismillah Rachman Iraheem, Alhamdulillah Rabbil alameen

Salam alaikom wa Rachman tullah wa burrahktoh,

Dear brothers and sisters in Islam, I have been following this thread and was reminded that everything is from Allah subhana wa t'ala, and part of the testing of every muslim is the strength of our Iman and our intentions too.

InshAllah, I wanted to say that for us reverts there are many benefits from this test, we have to devote our time to reading the Quran and listening to scholars and learn the Prophetic example...the sunnah, we inshAllah develop sabr, because regardless of whether we are accepted or liked (and this applies to all muslims) we have rights and responsibilities as part of this ummah - and part of that is to enjoin the good and remind against and forbid the bad.

InshAllah, most important of all is to remind ourselves that everything we do, every greeting, reminder, interaction with each other even is an act of worship if the reason we are doing it is to please Allah.

The sahabah went out and declared 'li illaha ilallah Muhammadur rasulallah' (the shahadah) to the non-muslims, and they demonstrated a strength of Iman and certainty that this was absolutely the right thing to do. We should not fear aggression and hostility from each other, and perhaps the next time we are ignored or slighted, remind ourselves, and then the one we wish to extend salams to, that we are one ummah, and united we stand, divided we fall. Not just in the sense of in a modern climate, but also in the sense that before Allah, we should spread Islam with wisdom, and even if that is to continue to keep good relations with those who refuse to acknowledge us, inshAllah, Allah will soften the hearts, remind our brothers and sisters to do good deeds and increase love for each other. And remember that the one who extends that greeting sincerely and for the sake of Allah, is in reality earning a far greater reward than the greeting returned..that is a special bonus.

May Allah soften our hearts and unite our ummah.

salam alaikom wa rachman tullah wa burrahktoh

fi amanillah

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o alikum wonderful article brother its just the new muslims ... i live in a city where most of the muslims are arabs and they never treat non-arabs properly ... they luk at us like we r not muslims and it really upsets me cuz we muslims shud be one.

[miriam1229]

I agree, i am reading and studying...as a new revert, i too find this a very isolating situation at times,,,you no longer have any desire to join in w/non-muslims in the old activities that you left when you became Muslim...thankfully, i have 2 grown sons who are knowledgeable, and strong reverts ....of 7 years, who teach and support me. i listen to talks from the Zaytuna website and Halal Tube, especially Sk Hamza Yusef, and am learning how to be Muslim in a non-Muslim community where i live.. thank you for your insightful essay...you really hit on some things i can relate to. No mashids here in my city, only the distant cyber community...
Alhumdulilah! for all those of you here on this site..
Maryam Hajar

[Muslimah-Sarah]

thank u so much for ur helpful words about converting....i converted on 18th jan 09 and i am still struggling with parents and grandparents with regards to the change of relgion.
Your story helped me a lot..thank. Masha'Allah. =]:hijabi:

[PARVEZ SHAHIDI]

:salam2:
WOW, I did not realize it before. I want to invite new Muslims in Toronto, Canada area in my home during social gathering but I do not know any one. Please PM me.
:wasalam:

[miriam1229]

Wa laikum As-Salaam,
I disagree that there are not opportunities for learning or structure as you find in the Catholic church....Islam is based on learning from scholars who the bearers of sacred knowledge and passed down and is very available to those who to those who seek it out. Have you checked out *!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*! ..online academy? you can take online classes from excellent scholars and receive college credit and for you own deen. i too am a new revert, and westerner--And an ex-Catholic. Catholicism is so full of innovation that has changed with the times, their 'scholars' are not giving sound teachings. Also, when i was Catholic, i attended church after church to find one that was friendly and inviting, but never did..then i realized that i was not looking for God in the right place, and became a Muslim...after much soul searching, reading, etc. i find it challenging sometimes also, since i live in a non-Muslim community...but, the Prophet peace be upon Him, suffered all of his life and never complained or fretted ..we can learn from His example. Read and study the Quran, hadith, grammer, Arabic, etc etc...there is a bottomless wealth of sources. Ignore those who are not good examples of Islam...we are not their judges or keepers...leave them to Allah to deal with. I find your 'warning' article very disturbing, since you don't seem to take responsibility for growth in your deen but complain about so many things... the Quran does not state, and those who are mature in their Islam do not expect you to eat or dress in a manner different than your own culture..just follow the code for modesty and eat halal foods, and say alhamdulillah!..and don't fret, Brother. Islam is EASY, when one's mind and heart are open to the voice of Allah by seeking sacred knowledge and listening to the words of the Prophet,,it is the intention of Allah to make it easy for us, since He is all Merciful. If you need support, inspiration, and encourgement, i suggest you go to Halal Tube and listen to Sk Hamza Yusef and Imam Zaid...they are wonderful, american scholars that can help you in dealing w/being a Muslim in America.
Salaams,
Maryam-Hajar

[miriam1229]

my message is below...did not intend to repeat it..

[miriam1229]

Wa salaamulaikum sister,
I understand...my family and friends all reacted so differently to my reversion to Islam...my best friend is still not comfortable w/ it and reacts to the change in my dress, etc in a negative way. I have to remember who I am now dressing for...not for the attention from others, but for the pleasure of Allah. Stay strong and continue learning...take a *!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*! class and you will find a wonderful 'community' there for support. they are grounded and knowledgable in their deen.
Alhamudulillah, welcome.
Maryam-Hajar:tti_sister::tti_sister:

[Asiya-sparkles]

InshAllah, it is alright to copy n paste, but I thought this was also apt for this thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by sajjuaiah
As-salaam Alaikum,

Do ye think that ye shall enter the gardin of bliss without such trials as came to those who passed away before you? they encounterd suffreing and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the messenger and those of faith who where with him cried ''when will come the help of allah? Ah verily, the help of allah is allways near.

And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way. 2:186“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a
him to get out (from every difficulty).
And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever
puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish
purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things”[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]

Allah's help is always near.




ma'shAllah, this is true.

Imam Sadiq [pbuh] said:

"The Muslim believer whose calls were not answered by Allah in this world will wish that none of them would have been accepted when, in the Hereafter, he sees the abundance of rewards (given him for their not being answered and suffering the troubles in the world)."
Also I am told it is sunnah to deliver the khutbah first in Arabic and then translate it. InshAllah someone can help with hadith reference?

For us reverts (and indeed all muslims and those who are being led to Islam too), increasingly I'm understanding that the acceptance into the ummah is all part of rizq, and every aspect - whatever is witheld or granted is solely the beneficence of Allah. In sabr & shukr we grow, learn, increase in compassion, humility & benefits. I know some reverts who from the moment they revert are very active both in terms of the masjid and in terms of being invited into homes as guests, so Allah knows what we get the greatest rewards from, Alhamdulillah.

"When confronting a sage, try to be more inquisitive than talkative, and learn how to listen well as much as you learn how to speak well, and do not interrupt the statement of anyone."

Imam Amir ul Mu'mineen Ali [pbuh] said:

"Accept the apology of your Muslim brother and if he has not any, invent one for him yourself."

The Holy Prophet [pbuh] said:

"He who decreases a grief out of the grieves of this world for his Muslim brother, Allah will decrease for him a grief out of the grieves of the Hereafter."

[BinKhadija]

Asslam'u Alikum,

Awesome post, loved reading it. Read with smiling face at some points and - with bit of disappointment at our own behaviours - at others. Subhan Allah.

May Allah guide us all to the right path.

[almanar]

may Allah increase the writer's faith..and all of the believers..ameen

[Noor El-Huda]

The article was an eye opener. However, meeting reverts is a learning experience for born muslims. For example. In muslim countries, it is considerd as normal to start a conversation on public transport, Dr, court, just about anywhere. If you're on public transport, you talk to the sister next to you for the entire journey, about anything:

how many kids you have, how many you plan to have, and how you make a falafel!

We come to the west, and we learn that starting a conversation with people that don't know you is something negative. We travel a journey of miles on public transport and people are happy enough to read their book/newspaper. We also learn that you should not look at someone at all, its considered rude, and eye contact is a no no. Back home, that is considered as a starter to a conversation, so we look and stare, in a way to say, "I'm bored, you want to talk?"

It gets a bit confusing for many as to what a revert finds accpetable or not. As much as many want to be friendly to you, and offer their assistance, thoughts of 'minding their own business' linger in our heads. they may think that you could be feeling why the 'FUSS' because I'm a new muslim?! "Why do I have to tell you why I became a muslim? I'm so bored with that!" Not knowing what acceptable of not by you, sadly, we may keep it to a shy "salam alaykum", if anything at all . :shymuslima1:

When you see similar ethnic group sisters/brothers speaking together, please don't take it personal, they don't intentionally mean to isolate you, its more of they understand that its acceptable in their culture to start a random conversation, the converstaion is not limited to eg. speaking about the weather, because this is how much we feel is considered as permissable, before you start to seem rather weird and annoying. (UK)So, many are just reluctant because they don't want to seem intrusive and rude.

Please remember that that we are so proud of you , we know that it must be a road full of herdles, and we want to make it easier for you by helping you in anyway we can, but the majority of times, we don't seem to know how! so please help us to help you .:SMILY206:


E.g.

-If we say salam alaykum, please say more,...
"Walaykum assalam", its a nice atmosphere in this mosque". Add to it so we know you do want to talk.

-If you see a group haivng a chat, feel free to introduce yourself and come on in,. We'll be honoured to have you.

-If you have questions we will help you or at least try and direct you to someone.


so lets both make the effort, and keep away shaitan, who will try and make things difficult for both of us. :SMILY27:

[a_stranger]

:salam2:
We the born muslems have many many proplems .......most of muslem countries don t teach islam ....but some fight islam........when i was young i used to hide when i pray ......i was the only one with higab in many places those acts were looked as very strange......we didn t get the chance to learn islam and practice it as it is .....now many of us learn from revert brothers and sisters ......learn how to be firm , and strong in faith.....islam is a matter of faith not habits as most muslems think. Thank you for your post ....we born muslems need to study islam as you do and practise it.

[Noor El-Huda]

A little while ago, I attended a new-muslims' group in a mosque in UK. It was a borthers only and sisters only group. The sister's group was led by a revert sister and a muslim born sister. Each filled a certain role. I happened to be there and I was welcomed to join. It went like this:

It started off as a very informal friendly meeting. We sat on a carpet and sisters bring something to share each week so we had cake and tea. While sipping tea, the facilitator asked us to narrate a moment in our lives which we found was most difficult, (or something along these lines if I remember correctly. Sisters introduced themsleves and narrated in their turns. As they shared experiences, many found things in common. Some had known each other, others were new and found themselves with people they could relate to. New muslim sisters seemed to find comfort in knowing that they were not alone.

We then had an islamic session with a topic quite relevant to the new muslims.There was questions asked, some were answered to the best of their knowledge or noted down in order to be answered the following week .
The mosque was raising funds for those that were possibly suffering financial difficulties as a consequence of their conversion. We left after exchanging emails and phone numbers with each other.

I felt the importance of being there as a born muslim. It meant that I was able to have an understanding to the experiences of a revert. I hope that more of these sessions could take place around mosques. That they are catered for reverts but to welcome reverts and born muslims toghether, so that it facilitates opprotunity of be-friending a revert, and strengthening ties of brotherhood/sisterhood. I strongly urge spouses of reverts to join these groups for the purpose of help and understanding them.

I am aware that there are Islamic lessons for new muslims, but I think it should be more than an Islamic lesson. That informal session described above was very insightful and essential. We need more of these around that provide activities such as trips, invitations, and other ideas that hlep the revert and to bring them us closer with born muslims inshallah.:SMILY209: