Marriage: The Quest for Love & Mercy

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As-salaamu'Alaykum wa'Rahmatullaahi wa'Barakatuh,

This thread will be comprehensive in relation to marriage. It is taken from 'The Quest of Love and Mercy" by Muhammad al-Jibaly. It is very simple and an excellent read, more importantly it is according to the Qur'aan and Sunnah. I will update consistently and should be completed soon, Insha'Allaah.

It will provide advice for the qualities to look for in a spouse, issue of courting, things to avoid, the marriage contract, the Wali, the Mahr (dowry) and the Walimah. I know it does not include matters relating to intimacy; such information is more suitable in the private brother/sister areas.

Importantly, please remember this website is not a matrimonial website rather this should provide us all with answers to questions in relation to marriage. If you are seeking marriage it is advisable to talk with your family, good (emphasis) friends and/or the Imam at the Masjid.

I will also include an advice from Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (in relation to marriage) at the end and a few beneficial question and answers.

The sections are broken down below for ease:

A Blessed Bond (The Advantages of Marriage) (Post #2 - #21, http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?p=470665#post470665

Spouse Selection (Characteristics to look for) (Post #22 - #35, http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?p=470807#post470807

Courting (Covers important issues) (Post #36 - #55, http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?p=470827#post470827)

The Marriage Contract (Bride/groom eligibility, the woman's wali, the mahr, conditions, contract and a couple of points on the Walimah) (Post #56 - #92, http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?p=471021#post471021

General Important Advices onwards (Post #94 - #102, http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?p=471079#post471079

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The Quest for Love & Mercy

A Blessed Bond


Marriage is One of Allah’s Laws

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) created our world and the laws that govern IT. Among Allah’s laws is that we need food to survive, air to breathe, rain for vegetation, and so on.

One of Allah’s important laws is that things are created in pairs, and from these pairs, reproduction occurs, Allah says:

“We have created all things in pairs, that perhaps you may remember.”

(Qur’aan 51: 49)

This applies to human beings who are made of male-female pairs as well.

Humankind started with our father, Adam, and our mother, Hawwa (Eve). From that pair, Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) created all of the other people, as He says:

“O people! Revere your Lord who has created you from a single soul, created from it its mate, and dispersed from both of them many men and women.”

(Qur’aan 4: 1)

And He says:

O people! We have created you from one male and one female, and have made you nations and tribes so as to know one another. The noblest among you in the sight of Allah is the most pious. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing and All-Aware.”

(Qur’aan. 49: 13)

This continues to be the way of reproduction for humans, as Allah says:

“Allah has given you spouses from yourselves, and has given you, from your spouses, children and grandchildren, and has provided you with good things for your sustenance.”

(Qur’aan 16: 72)

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Definition

The word commonly used in Islamic texts for marriage is nikah. In the original Arabic language, it means “intercourse”. But it was then applied to the marriage agreement because it is a means to intercourse.

(Lisan-ul-‘Arab)

Thus the statement, “He performed nikah on the daughter of so and so,” normally means that he executed an agreement for marriage. On the hand, the statement, “He performed nikah on his wife,” means intercourse. In this book, we will most replace the word “nikah” with its English equivalents to avoid confusion.

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Allah commands the believers to marry and help those under their charge to marry as well. He says:

“Marry the unmarried among you and the righteous of your male and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His favours. Allah is Bountiful and Knowing.”

(Qur’aan 24: 32)

Also, Allah’s Messenger :saw: commanded the young people to marry, and advised those of them who could not afford it to fast as a means of controlling their sexual desire. Ibn Mas’ood (radhiy’Allaahu anh) reported, “We were with Prophet :saw: while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Messenger said:

“Young men, those among you who can afford marriage should do so, for it helps lower the gaze and guard the private parts (from zina). And those who cannot afford it should fast, for fasting is a repression (of desire) for him.”

(Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

Similarly, Anas (radhiy’Allaah anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“You should marry. And those who cannot afford it should fast, because it restrains their desire.”

(At-Tabarani (in al Al-Awsat) and ad-Diya ul-Maqdisi. Verified to be authentic by Al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 4058)

And Uthman (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Anyone among you who has the ability should marry, because it helps lower the (lustful) gaze and guard the private parts. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, because fasting is a restraint (of desire) for him.”

(An-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami no. 6498)

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Allah’s Messenger :saw: indicates that Allah promises to help any person who aspires to marry in order to avoid sinning. Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger said:

“There are three individuals that it is a right upon Allah to help them: a fighter for Allah’s cause, a mukatib (a slave who makes a contract with his master to purchase his freedom) who wants to pay himself off, and one who seeks marriage for the purpose of preserving his chastity.”

(Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi, an-Nasa’i and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3050)

In another report, Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) said that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“It is a right upon Allah to help one who seeks to marry for the purpose of avoiding what Allah prohibited.”

(Recorded by Ibn ‘Adiyy. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3152)

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A strange phenomenon has recently developed among Muslims, without being confined to one country or nationality – a phenomenon whose consequences can prove to be most devastating to the Muslim community. This phenomenon is the alarming number of unmarried Muslim men and women.

On an individual level, it may appear that bachelorship poses a very insignificant threat to the Islamic world. However, in Islam, unlike other religions, matters are weighed in light of their benefits or harms to the community as a whole. So, what is the effect of single unmarried men and women on the community?

To find the answer to this question, all one has to do is look at the non-Muslim communities. Every day we are confronted by the perversion and sinful practices that the non-Muslims find acceptable in their societies. This occurs because of the unnatural decision to abstain from marriage.

No Muslim would want the Muslim Ummah to fall into lifestyles like those of Pompeii or Sodom and Gomorrah – towns that Allah totally destroyed because of the perversion and disobedience. Protection against a fate similar to that can only be through lawful marriage.

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Previous Prophets

Previous prophets of Allah have married women, and none of them was known to practice celibacy. Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“And We have surely sent messengers before you (O Muhammad :saw:) and granted them wives and offspring.”

(Qur’aan 13: 38)

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The Prophet Muhammad :saw: indicated that marriage is part of his SUnnah, and that whoever neglects it is not of his true followers. Even though he derived the greatest pleasure and highest satisfaction from the prayer, Allah’s Messenger :saw: expressed that he still had the desire for worldly pleasures such as women and perfume. This is only natural for a human messenger. Anas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Of you worldly life, I have been made to desire women and perfume. But the satisfaction of my eye has been made in the salah.”

(Ahmad, an-Nasa’i and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahaih-ul-Jami’ no. 3124)

‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Marriage is a sunnah (way) of mine; and whoever does not follow my Sunnah is not of my followers. Marry because I will display your outnumbering the other nations on Resurrection Day. Whoever has wealth should marry, and whoever does not should fast, because fasting is a restraint for him.”

(Ibn Majah. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 2383)

Ibn Abbas (radhiyAllaahu anh) said to Sa’id bin Jubayr (radhiyAllaahu anh):

“Marry: indeed, the best of this Ummah (the Prophet :saw:) had the most wives.”

(al-Bukhari and Ahmad)

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Some of the followers of the earlier prophets tried monasticism as a self discipline that could possibly bring them closer to Allah. However, they were not able to fulfil it as well as they had hoped. The reason is imply that it contradicts human nature, and that is why it is not permitted in Islam.

‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Khuwaylah, daughter of Hakim Bin Umayyah Bin Harithah Bin al-Awqas as-Sulami (from the tribe of Sulam) visited her. Khuwaylah was married to Uthman Bin Maz’un. Allah’s Messenger :saw: saw her and noticed her messy appearance; so he asked ‘A’ishah,

“O ‘A’ishah! What makes Khuwaylah appear so messy?

‘A’ishah replied,

“O Allah’s Messenger! This woman’s husband fasts during the day and prays during the night. So it is as if she does not have a husband, and thus she neglected her appearance.”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: then summoned Uthman bin Maz’un and said to him,

“O Uthman! Are you doing that because you dislike my Sunnah?

He replied,

“By Allah, no, O Allah’s Messenger! Rather, my whole interest is to follow your Sunnah.”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: then said:

“Verily, I sleep and pray, fast and break fast, and marry women. This fear and revere Allah O Uthman, because your family has a right upon you, your guests have a right upon you, and yourself (body) has a right upon you. So, fast and break fast, and pray and sleep.”

(Ahmad, Abu Dawood. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 2015)

In another report by ‘A’ishah, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said to him:

“O Uthman! Monasticism has not been enjoined upon us, Do you not have an example in me? By Allah, verily I fear Allah and safeguard His boundaries more than any of you.”

(Ibn Hibban, Ahmad and at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir). Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa ul-Ghalil no. 2015)

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As we have seen above, fulfilling a natural desire in a lawful way is not wrong, and it does not represent a lack of piety. Rather, that is the way of the Prophet :saw: who is the most pious of all people.

To the same meaning, Anas reported that a number of men went to the houses of the Prophet’s wives and inquired about the Prophet’s :saw:
manner of worship. When the Mothers of the Believers described that to them, they thought that he :saw: did too little. Then they argued,

“How could we reach Allah’s Messenger :saw: level, when all of his previous and later sins have been forgiven.”

So one of them pledged,

“I will always pray the whole night without sleeping.”

One said,

“I will fast every single day.”

One said,

“I will abstain from women and never marry.”

One said,

“I will never sleep on a mattress.”

And one said,

“I will never eat meat.”

When the Prophet :saw: heard of that, he addressed them and the other Muslims, saying,:

“Indeed, by Allah, I fear Allah and revere Him better than any of you; yet I fast (some days) and break my fast (on others), I pray (part of the night) and sleep (the other part), and I marry women. So, anyone who dislikes my Sunnah is not (a follower) of me.”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

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Being ordained by Allah the Most Wise and All-Knowing, marriage is sure to have many virtues and advantages. In what follows we list a number of them.

Preservation of Faith and Religion

Righteous spouses assist one another in preserving their Deen by offering help, support and advice that enable them to obey Allah and abstain from sinning. Anas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“When Allah grants one a righteous wife, He has helped him (by that) to preserve half of his religion. Let him then fear and revere Allah in regard to the other half.”

(at-Tabarani and al-Hakim. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 625)

In another report from Anas, the Prophet :saw: said:

“When a servant (of Allah) marries, He has (by that) completed half of his religion. Let him then fear and revere Allah in regard to the other half.”

(at-Tabarani (in al-Awsat) and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 625 & Sahih al-Jami’ no. 430)

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Men have a natural desire for women, and vice versa. Satan takes advantage of that to entice men and move their lusts when a woman approaches or moves away from them. He pictures her to them in an attractive and appealing form, which may lead them to various forms of sinning in compliance with their lusts.

Usamah Bin Zayd (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“I have not left after me a trial more harmful to men than women.”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

A married person has a quick means of protection against the Devil’s whispers and seductions. Jabir (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Messenger of Allah :saw: said:

“A woman approaches in the (tempting) form of a devil, and moves away in the (tempting) form of a devil. When any of you finds in a woman something that attracts him, he should go to his wife, because she has the same as the other woman has, and that satisfies his desire (in a lawful way).”

(Combined report recorded by Muslim, Abu Dawood and others (as-Sahihah no. 235)

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Love and mercy are important sentiments that brighten one’s life and give him a feeling of reassurance, security and happiness. One of Allah’s (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) great favours is the love and mercy that He instills among the married couple. They dwell into each other, just as one dwells into a house that gives him protection, security and happiness. Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves, spouses that you may dwell (in joy and security) unto them, and He set between you love and mercy; surely in that are signs for those who reflect.”

(Qur’aan, 30: 21)

Furthermore, there is a wonderful feel of closeness between the married couple – similar to the closeness of a garment to a person’s body. They provide for each other protection, comfort, and cover. Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them.”

(Qur’aan 2: 187)

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As is indicated above, Allah has instilled in human beings the desire for the opposite gender. This desire may be satisfied in unlawful ways that would have destructive effects on the individuals and societies.

Alternatively, one of Allah’s great favours on us is that he provided us with marriage as a lawful channel for venting our desires. Ibn Umar and Ibn Amr
(radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“This life is a temporary accommodation, and the best of its accommodations is a righteous wife.”

(Muslim, Ahmad and an-Nasa’i)

Ibn ‘Abbas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that a man came to the Prophet :saw: and said,

“We have an orphan girl under our custody. A poor man and a rich man have both courted her. She prefers the poor man, but we prefer the rich man. (What should we do?)”

The Prophet :saw: responded:

“For those who like each other, nothing has proven as good as marriage.”

(Ibn Majah, al-Hakim and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 624)

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Not only is marriage a lawful means of fulfilling a person’s desire, but is also a means of increasing one’s balance of good deeds.

Abu Dharr (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that some of the companions of Allah’s Messenger :saw: complained to him,

“O Allah’s Messenger! The wealthy people have taken away all of the rewards. They pray as we do and fast as we do, and they give charities
from their extra monies.”

He :saw: replied:

“But has Allah not given you that which you may offer as charity? Verily:

Every tasbih is a charity;

Every takbir is a charity;

Every tahlil is a charity;

Every thmid is a charity;

Commanding good is a charity

Forbidding evil is a charity

And having relations (with your wife) is a charity.

The companions asked,

“O Allah’s Messenger, does a person even receive a reward for fulfilling his
desire?”

He :saw: responded:

“Assume that he directed it towards a prohibition (zina), would that not result in a burden for him?

They replied,

“Yes, indeed.”

He :saw: deduced:

“Therefore, if he directs it toward that which is permissible (his wife), he
gets a reward for it.”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: then mentioned a number of other things that constitutes charities, and concluded by saying:

“And all of that may be covered by two rakat that one would pray in the mid-morning.”

(Muslim, Ahmad and others)

Commening on this, al-Albani (rahimahullaah) said:

“As-Suyuti said in Ithkar ul-Athkar that one’s relations (with his wife) is a charity, even if he did not have any intention in that regard. My opinion is that this may be true for each relations, but he should have a prior intention in that regard at least when he first married her. And Allah knows best.”

(Adab uz-Zifaf p. 138)

In a similar hadeeth, Abu Dharr (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“It is required for every person, every day upon which the sun rises, to
offer charity for himself.”

Abu Dharr asked,

“O Allah’s Messenger! How can I give charity when I have no money?”

He :saw: replied:

“That is because among the forms of charity are:

Saying Takbir

Say “Subhaan’Allaah

Saying “Al’Hamdu’Lillaah.

Saying “Laa ilaha illallaah

Saying “Astaghfir’Ullah

Commanding the good;

Forbidding the evil;

Removing thorns, bones, and rocks from the people’s way;

Guiding a blind man;

Helping a deaf and dumb man hear and understand;

Directing a person who lost something to loss – if you know where it is;

Running, with the power of your legs, to help one who is desperately seeking help;

Raising, with the power of your arms, an object for a weak person;

Having relations with your wife; you get a reward for this as well –

All of these are forms of charity that you earn for yourself.

Abu Dharr (radhiyAllaahu anh) asked,

“How could I get a reward for fulfilling my desire?”

The Prophet :saw: responded:

“If you had a child who reached puberty, and you expect good from him,
but he died, would you seek Allah’s reward for that?”

Abu Dharr replied,

“Yes!”

The Prophet :saw: asked:

“Are you the one who created him?”

Abu Dharr replied,

“No, it is Allah who created him.”

The Prophet asked:

“Are you the one who guides him?

Abu Dharr replied,

“No, it is Allah who guides him!”

The Prophet asked:

“Are you the one who sustains him?”

Abu Dharr replied,

“No, it is Allah who sustains him!”

The Prophet :saw: then said:

“Thus, place it (your seed) in what is lawful (relations with your wife), and avoid for it what is prohibited (zina). Then, if Allah wills, He would give it life; and if He wills, He would make it die, and you would be rewarded (in both cases).”

(Ahmad, Ibn Hibban and an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 575)

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Marriage allows a person to live in harmony with his human nature and eliminates from him feelings of conflict and dejection. As indicated earlier, abstaining from marriage is an unnatural act that has been prohibited by the Prophet :saw:. To the same meaning, Sa’d Bin Abi Waqqas and Samurah bin Jundub (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported:

“Allah’s Messenger :saw: prohibited abstinence from marriage.”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

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We saw above that marriage was a practice of the prophets. Since they were all chosen by Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) as examples for humanity, their practices are good, and it is our duty to follow them as much as we can.


Deserving Allah’s Help

We saw earlier that Allah will surely help anyone who marries intending by that to guard himself against sinning.

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When a married couple has a good relationship based on faith and taqwa, their relationship will extend into the next life and the woman will continue to be the wife of the last man to whom she was married in this life.

Abu ad-Darda (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Any woman whose husband dies and she marries after, she will then be (in the hereafter) for the last one of her husbands.”

(at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir). Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2704 & as-Sahihah no. 1281)

‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“A woman will be for the last one of her husbands.”

(Ibn Khuzaymah, Ibn Hibban and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 6691 & as-Sahihah no. 1281)

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Preserving Humankind

Marriage fulfils Allah’s law for the reproduction, as we have discussed earlier. Thus it constitutes a correct means of preserving humankind – until Allah inherits the Earth and all what is on it.


Preserving Kinship Ties

Contrary to zina, marriage preserves and reveres the kinship ties. It establishes the paternal relationships between the children their parents, giving them all a feeling dignity and self esteem. That strengthens the feelings of love and care within the society.

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Marriage is the proper way to establishing correct and permissible relationships between men and women. This helps maintain chastity, and protects the Muslim individuals from slipping into the filth of zina and other sins related to it. Thus, marriage closes the door in the face of many acts of moral degeneracy and decadence, which are among the major causes for the destruction of societies.

Safeguarding the society from Physical Diseases

Together with zina and its relates vices comes a host of destructive diseases. Among those are gonorrhea, syphilis, venereal ulcers, and most recently, AIDS. Marriage is an important means of protecting the society from these and many other diseases that can be easily transmitted, and that do not even spare children.


Establish the Family Environment

Marriage is a necessary step toward establishing a healthy environment for nurturing and rearing children. Our children are the fruits of our generation and the future men and women of our Ummah. Through good marriages, we furnish them with the love, mercy, compassion, and guidance, that they need for proper growth and development.

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In Islam, what counts is not quantity alone, but quantity together with quality. Therefore, we are urged to increase the number of GOOD Muslims – not superficial Muslims. Good Muslims are those who live by Allah’s commands and follow His Messenger’s :saw: guidance. Such are the people who should increase and multiply so as to establish Allah’s religion in this life and enter His gardens in the nest.

A Muslim should marry with the intention of increasing the number of righteous Muslims. Subsequently, he should strive to raise his family upon to the true religion. Only then, would they be among the numbers of Muslims who will please and delight Allah’s Messenger :saw: on Judgement Day to the extent that he will boast about them in front of the multitudes of nations who will be present.

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Marry, because I will exhibit your large numbers (on Judgement Day).”

(Ibn Majah. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 1514)

Abu Umamah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Marry so that (on Judgement Day) I will be delighted by your outnumbering other nations. Do not practice monasticism like the Christians.”

(al-Bayhaqi and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2941 & as-Sahihah no. 1782)


Strengthening the Muslim Community

When a nation multiplies in the right and lawful way, it preserves the kinship relationships and protects its citizens from diseases – which results in a powerful nation. To the contrary, adultery loosens and severs kinship ties, and results in the spread of diseases and perversions, which cause the nations to decline and fall. Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) wants the Muslim Ummah to be a powerful nation capable of establishing His laws and spreading His guidance in a most efficient way. This may only be fulfilled through maintaining chastity with lawful marriage.

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Selecting a Wife

A conditional choice

In Islam, a man is given some choice in regard to marriage. Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“If you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry whatever pleases you of (other) women: two, three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just (with them) then (marry) only one woman, or those that your right hands possess (of captives and slaves). That is better in preventing you from doing injustice.”

(Qur’aan 4: 3)

However, “whatever pleases you of women” is a general directive that is further clarified in many texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah. There are certain important qualities that a man should seek in the woman whom he wants to be his life-partner and the mother of his children.

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The first and foremost vital quality for a wife is righteousness. The Prophet :saw: urged the men to seek a woman of faith and piety, and indicated that a man attains happiness through marrying her.

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Messenger of Allah :saw: said:

“A woman is sought in marriage for four reasons: wealth, social status, beauty, and din (piety). So seek the one with din – may you then be successful.”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Thawban (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that when Allah revealed the warning in regard to those treasure gold and silver (Qur’aan 9: 34-35), the sahabah (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) wondered,

“What kind of wealth should we then keep?”

And Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) said,

“I will find the answer to this.”

He rode his camel fast until he caught up with Allah’s Messenger :saw:,
and he (Thawban) was right behind him.

He asked,

“O Allah’s Messenger! What kind of wealth should we keep?”

He :saw: replied:

“Let each of you keep a heart grateful (to Allah), a tongue constantly extolling (Allah), and a believing wife who would assist him in regard to the affairs of the hereafter.”

(Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 2176)

Abu Umamah and ‘Ali (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) similarly reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“A heart grateful (to Allah), a tongue extolling (Allah), and a righteous wife who would assist you in the affairs of your life and religion – these are people’s best treasures.”

(al-Bayhaqi in Shu’ab ul-Iman, at-Tirmidhi, Ibn ‘Abd-ur-Razzaq (in al-Musannaf). Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami no. 4409)

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In this life, a righteous wife is a main source of happiness, whereas an evil wife is a major cause of misery. Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas (radhiyAllahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“There are four sources of happiness and four sources of misery. Among the sources of happiness are: a good wife who pleases you when you look at her; and when you are away from her, you trust her in regard to herself and your property, an easy ride that enables you to catch up with your companions, a house that is spacious and of many facilities, a good neighbour.

And among the sources of misery are: an evil wife who dismays you when you look at her, who uses her tongue against you, and who, when you are away from her, you would not trust her in regard to herself or your property.”

(al-Hakim. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1047 & Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3056). The fourth item in this hadeeth has been combined from another report recorded by Ibn Hibban, al-Khatib and others, verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 282 & Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 887), A shorter form of this hadeeth is recorded by at-Tayalisi and verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1803 & Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3629)

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One should seek a wife who is known to be of good character or who has been raised in a good moral atmosphere. In a hadeeth similar to the earlier one by Abu Hurayrah. Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that Allah’s Messenger said:

“A woman is (usually) married for one of three qualities: she is married for her wealth; she is married for her beauty; or she is married for her religion. So take the one of religion and manners – may your right hand then be prosperous.

(Ibn Hibban, Ahmad and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 307)

A woman of low moral standards should be avoided, even if she has other attractive qualities such as wealth or beauty.

Abu Musa al-Ash’ari (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“There are three individuals that, when they supplicate to Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala), there supplication is not answered: a man who has a wife of bad character but he does not divorce her, a man who lends money to another man without taking witnesses, and a man who gives money to a weak-minded person.”

(al-Hakim and Abu Nu’aym. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3075 & as-Sahihah no. 1805)

In this hadeeth, “bad character” pertains mostly to qualities such as looseness and promiscuity, making the woman’s conduct dubious and her chastity questionable.

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Virginity is not a condition for marriage, but is a recommended quality – provided that one has both options and that the women he is considering are equal in other respects. Virginity then becomes a weighing factor for a number of reasons that will be outlined in the subsequent sub-sections.

Jabir bin Abdullah reported that when his father died (Jabir’s father ‘Abdullah bin Amr Bin Haram, was martyred in the battle of Uhud. Jabir was then nineteen years old), he left behind nine girls that Jabir had to look after. Soon after that, Jabir married a non-virgin, and when the Prophet :saw: met him he asked him,

“Have you married, O Jabir?”

He replied,

“Yes.”

He asked him,

“Is she virgin or non-virgin?”

He replied,

“Non-virgin.”

He :saw: then said:

“Shouldn’t you have considered a virgin who plays with you and you with her, and she laughs with you and you with her?”

Jabir replied,

“Indeed, my father ‘Abdullah died leaving many daughters. I did not want to add to them another young girl like themselves, so I married a grown woman to take care of them and look after them.”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: then said:

“Indeed, you have made a good decision. May Allah bless that tremendously for you.”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

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Since of the important purposes of marriage is reproduction, it is recommended to marry a younger woman who would normally be more likely to bear many children. In turn, this is more likely to apply to virgins than non-virgins.

‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Marry virgins, because they have sweeter mouths (i.e. speech) and more fertible wombs, and are easier to be satisfied with little wealth.”

(at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir). Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 623 and Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2939)

Ma’qil bin Yasar (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that a man came to Allah’s Messenger :saw: and said,

“I encountered a woman of honour and beauty, but she cannot bear children. Should I marry her?”

He said,

“No!”

After asking him two more times, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Marry a woman who is loving and can bear many children, because I will boast of your numbers (on Resurrection Day).”

(Abu Dawood and an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2940 & Irwa ul-Ghalil no. 1784)

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One should seek to marry a woman who is expected to have a loving and caring attitude toward her husband. This is normally possible to sense from her environment and family’s reputation. The above hadeeth of Ma’qil bin Yasar alludes to this. Similarly, Abu Uthaynah as-Sadafi (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“The best of your women are those who are bearers of man children, loving (to their husbands) comforting, and tolerant – provided that they have taqwa of Allah.

And the worst of your women are those who display their charms (to other than their husbands), and who walk with arrogance. Such are the hypocrites, and those of them who will enter Jannah are as rare as are the red-beaked and red-legged crows.”

(al-Bayhaqi (in as-Sunan) and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3330 & as-Sahihah no. 1849). The last part of it (about the crow) is also recorded by Ahmad and others from ‘Amr Bin al-‘As (radhiyAllaahu anh) and verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1850)

Ibn Abbas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Your women who will be of the dwellers of Jannah are those who are loving (to their husbands), bearers of many children, and caring toward their husbands.”

(Tammam ar-Razi, Ibn ‘Asakir and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 287)

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An important quality to be sought in a wife is contentment. A dissatisfied wife would make her husband miserable and push him to do anything to please her.

It is easier for a virgin than a non-virgin to be content with her husband’s financial situation and with what he gives her. Similar to Ibn Mas’ud’s earlier hadeeth, Jaabir bin’Abdillah (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Seek (in marriage) virgins, because they have more fertile wombs, sweeter speech, less slyness and are easily satisfied with little (wealth).”

(at-Tabarani (in al-Awsat) and ad-Diya-ul-Maqdisi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 624 and Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 4053)

And Utbah bin ‘Uwaym bin Sa’idah al-Ansari (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“Marry virgins! They have sweeter speech, more fertile wombs and are satisfied with little.”

(Ibn Majah and others from Sa’idah and Jabir. It is verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 623)

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Naivety, simplicity, and innocence of heart are commendable qualities to be sought in a wife, and are more present in virgins than non-virgins – because of their lesser experience in the ways of life. This is demonstrated in the above hadeeth of Jabir (radhiyAllaahu anh).

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Beauty, wealth and prestige are all mentioned in the earlier hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah as being secondary qualities that should not be sought at the
cost of righteousness.

However, we cannot totally disregard these qualities – especially beauty. Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger :saw: said:

“The best of women is that who pleases him (i.e. her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders, and does not subject her person or money to what he dislikes.”

(Ahmad, an-Nasa’i and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami no. 3298 & as-Sahihah no. 1838)

Similarly Abdyllah bin Salam reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: was asked,

“Who are the best of women?”

He replied,

“The best of women is that who pleases you when you look at her, obeys you when you order her, and safeguards you during your absence in regard to herself and your wealth.”

(at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir) and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3299 & as-Sahihah no. 1838)

A woman’s appearance being “pleasing” to her husband applies first to pleasing him when he observes her righteousness and obedience to Allah. But it may also apply to pleasing him with her physical beauty. That is why it has been ordained to look at a woman when courting her.

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A man should seek a wife who is compatible with him, and a woman should seek a husband compatible with her. ‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Make a (good) choice for your seed: marry (women) who are compatible (to you), and marry (your daughters) to them (who are compatible).”

(Ibn Majah, al-Hakim and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2928 & as-Sahihah no. 1067)

The question is in regard to the definition of compatibility. In general, it has two major requirements: din and character. These two qualities are among the required qualities for a wife that we discussed above.

Din and character may not be compromised and are the focal point for compatibility. A man or woman who is lacking in either of them is a poor candidate and should not be considered.

Other qualities may add to the compatibility between the two spouses, but none of them can be considered mandatory. Among the examples of compatibility factors is age, language, financial status, family status, national background, etc.

However, one must understand that, except for din and character, all of the other qualities are secondary and should not be overplayed, especially if they would be used as grounds for discrimination based on race, social status, country of origin, etc.

With the above understanding, we can say that age is an important “secondary” compatibility factor. It could become major if the age difference is such as to prevent one of the two spouses from being able to fulfil the marital rights of his (or her) partner.

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Din and Good Character

The Prophet :saw: instructed the guardians of women to marry them to men of good din and character. When a man of known righteousness and good character seeks to marry a woman, he should be seriously considered.

Abu Hurayrah, Ibn ‘Umar and Abu Hatim al-Muzani (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“If a man comes to you seeking marriage, and you are satisfied with his din and character, marry him – lest a fitnah (harm) and great destruction become rampant on the earth.”

(at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 270 & as-Sahihah no. 1022)

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Unfortunately, when looking for a husband, the woman’s family or wali first look at his bank account, instead of his iman, taqwa and aqeedah (creed).

Furthermore, many of today’s Muslim women have been affected by un-Islamic ideologies. They do not seek a husband who has taqwa and good character, which would guarantee for them a lasting, loving relationship. Rather, they seek a husband who is affluent, has an prominent position, or holds a higher degree of education – all at the cost of religion, morals and eventually, happiness.

While we do not call on Muslims to live in poverty, we emphasise that wealth is a minor factor that should never be compared to din and manners. We should trust Allah’s promise:

“Marry the unmarried among you and the righteous of your male and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His favours. Allah is Bountiful and Knowing.”

(Qur’aan 24: 32)

Whereas Allah gives such a generous and true promise to the righteous, there is absolutely no guarantee that he will not, in the blink of an eye, take away the wealth of a man who is non-religious and ungrateful to Him.

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When a woman marries a man with din and good character, she will not lose out in any respect: if he keeps her, he will do so in a good manner; and if he releases her, he will do so in a good manner. Furthermore, a man with din and good character will be a blessing for her and her children, and they will all help each other learn and improve in their din.

A woman should avoid a man who does have these attributes – especially is he is negligent of the prayers, drinks alcohol, commits zina, or commits any of the other major sins. Wealth and social status should be her main criteria in deciding for or against a husband.

Sahl bin Sa’d as-Sa’idi (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that once while the Prophet :saw was sitting with some of his companions, a man passed by them. The Prophet :saw: asked one of the companions,

“What do you think of this man?”

Some of them said,

“This is from among the noble people. By Allah, if he seeks marriage, he will be married, and if he intercedes, his intercession will be granted.”

The Prophet :saw: did not say anything.

Another man then passed by them, and the Prophet :saw: asked,

“What do you think of this man?”

Some of them said,

“This is one of the poor Muslims. It is expected that if he seeks marriage, he will not be married; if he intercedes, his intercession will not be granted; and if he speaks, no one will listen to him.”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: then said:

“This man is better than an earth-full of the likes of the otherman!”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

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Definitions

When a man finds a woman of good attributes for marriage, his next step would be to propose to her or her family. We call this “courting” or “khitbah”; it is the act of asking for a woman’s hand in marriage. Depending on the situation, the interested man may personally approach the woman or her representatives, or may ask some of his relatives or friends to represent him in that.

If a man’s proposal is accepted, the woman is considered “engaged” to him. This “engagement” counts as a legally unbinding attachment that precedes the full and binding attachment of the marriage contract.

Even though an approved khitbah is not legally binding upon the two involved parties, it still constitutes a mutual pledge of marriage; and breaking it without valid reason would be an immoral act of dishonesty.

A valid reason for breaking a khitbah would be for the bride’s side to discover a serious problem in the bridegroom of which they were not aware when they gave their approval. Similarly, if the bridegroom discovers a problem in the bride that he did not know when he asked for her hand, he may take that as grounds for breaking the khitbah.

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In a hadeeth cited fully later, a man asked the Prophet :saw: to marry a certain woman to him, and he said:

“Go (have her as wife); I marry her to you for the portion of Qur’aan that you have memorised.”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

In the case of ‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha), who was a virgin, the Prophet :saw: proposed to her father. ‘Urwah bin az-Zubayr reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: asked for ‘A’ishah’s (radhiyAllaahu anha) hand from her father Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr (radhiyAllaahu anh) said,

“But indeed, I am your brother!”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: replied,

“You are my brother in regard to Allah’s Din and His Book. But as for her, she is permissible for me (to marry).”

(al-Bukhari. Al-Albani indicated that, even though this is a report from ‘Urwah who is a tabi’i, he must have heard it from his aunt ‘A’ishah or his mother Asma’ (Irwa ul-Ghalil no. 1818)

On the other hand, the Prophet :saw: approached Umm Salamah directly. Umm Salamah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that her ‘iddah (A woman’s waiting period after her divorce or her husband’s death before she may remarry) was over. Abu Bakr proposed to her and she refused him. Allah’s Messenger :saw: then sent someone to ask for her hand on his behalf and she agreed.

(an-Nasa’i, Ahmad and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 1819)

Abu Bakr bin Hafs reported that when Ibn ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) was asked to propose on someone’s behalf he would go to the woman’s family and say:

“All praise is due to Allah, and may Allah bestow His salah upon Muhammad :saw:. Indeed, so-and-so is asking for the hand of so-and-so in marriage. If you marry her to him, praise be to Allah (for facilitating this); and if you reject him, exalted is Allah (Who is above all deficiencies that exist in His creation).”

(al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 1822)

Buraydah bin al-Hasib (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that a group of al-Ansar told ‘Ali (radhiyAllaahu anh),

“Why don’t you consider Fatimah (radhiyAllaahu anha) (for marriage)?”

Acting upon their advice, he went to the Prophet :saw: who asked him,

“What does the son of Abu Talib need?”

He replied,

“O Allah’s Messenger! I came in regard to Fatimah the daughter of Allah’s Messenger.”

The Messenger :saw: replied,

“Marhaban wa-ahlan – Welcome, and a family member.”

- and he said no more. Ali went back to that group of al-Ansar who were waiting for him. They asked him,

“What do you bring?”

He said,

“I do not know, except that he said to me, ‘marhaban wa-ahlan.’”

They said,

“Just one of these two words would suffice you from Allah’s Messenger :saw:; he offered you the ‘family’ and ‘vastness’.

(Ibn Sa’d, at-Tabarani and Ibn ‘Asakir. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 173-174)

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A widely spread practice among Muslims is that, when a man asks for a woman’s hand and her family accepts his proposal, they all raise their hands and recite al-Fatihah. This practice is a bid’ah because it has no basis in the Sunnah or the practice of the pious predecessors.

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Permission

When a man intends to marry a certain woman, and prior to formally proposing to her, it is permissible for him to look at her and see as much of her as normally possible. This would help him make the right decision and be sure that he truly is comfortable with her looks and would like to have
her as wife.

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that he was with the Prophet :saw: when a man came to him and told that he had just married a woman from the Ansar. The Prophet :saw: asked him,

“Have you looked at her?”

He replied,

“No!”

He :saw: said,

“Look at her, because there is something (a smallness) in the Ansar’s
eyes.”

(Muslim and an-Nasa’i)

Al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah and Anas bin Malik (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that al-Mughirah wanted to marry a woman, so Allah’s Messenger :Saw: said to him,

“Go look at her: it will then be more possible to have harmony between the two of you.”

(Ahmad and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 96)

He went to her house. She was inside her bedroom, and he met her parents and told them,

“Allah’s Messenger :saw: instructed me to look at her.”

They remained speechless, but the young woman raised one side of her bedroom’s curtain and said,

“I strongly reproach you! If Allah’s Messenger :saw: instructed you to look at me, look. But if he did not, do not!

He looked at her, and then married her. He later mentioned,

“No other women attained her status (of love) with me, even though I married more than seventy women!”.

(Ahmad and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 96)

Muhammad bin Maslamah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“When it comes into a person’s heart to court a woman, it is permissible for him to look at her.”

(Ibn Majah, Ahmad and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 98)

Also, Jabir bin ‘Abdullah (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that he heard the Prophet :saw: say:

“When one of you courts a woman, if he could see of her as much as would convince him to marry her, he should do so.”

Implementing this instruction, Jabir (radhiyAllaahu anh) said:

“Afterwards, I wanted to marry a woman, so I used to hide to observe her – until I had seen that which led me to marrying her.”

(Abu Dawood, Ahmad and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 99 & Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 1791)

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It is prohibited for a man to look intently at a woman if he is not her mahram. Looking at a woman for the purpose of marrying her is an obvious exception to this rule and must, therefore, fulfil certain conditions.

Abu Humayd as-Sa’idi (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“When one of yo courts a woman, it is permissible for him to look at her if he only looks because he seeks to marry her – even if she does not know (that he is watching her)”

(Ahmad and at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir). Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 97)

From this and other texts, we derive the following conditions:

1) The difference between a casual look and the look of a man seeking marriage is that the latter is allowed to stare and repeat the look.

2) Looking should be for the purpose of marriage, and not for purpose of fulfilling a desire or lust.

3) A man may only look at a woman who is available for him to marry, knowing that, should be the purpose, her family could possible approve of him.

4) Looking should be without touching or khulwah (privately meeting with her).

5) Looking should be limited to the body parts that a woman is permitted to expose to strangers, namely, her face and hands.

Some scholars based on the above hadeeth of Jabir, permit the man to look at more than the minimum that we specified above. We do not favour this opinion for a number of reasons. Most importantly, it could easily be abused by the sick-hearted, opening for them a wide gate for defaming or lusting after innocent women.

If a man finds that looking was not sufficient to give him a satisfactory idea about this woman that he intended to marry, he may appoint a woman from his relatives to look at her closely and tell him more about her.

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With the wide availability of photography nowadays, a frequently asked question is whether it is allowed for the interested couple to exchange photographs.

Before answering this question, we need to point out a few important matters:

1) Photographs or pictures of beings with souls are generally prohibited in Islam. They are only allowed in situations of definite maslahah (benefit) for the Muslims, and only when no other permissible means can fulfil the same purpose as they do.

2) Even if a photograph was classified as being permissible in a particular situation, it may not show a prohibited thing, such as a woman without full hijab.

3) When a courter looks at a woman that he wishes to marry, his looking can be controlled by her or her wali, so that it would not invade her privacy or exceed what is permissible. To the contrary, a man can stare at a woman’s photograph longer, show it to others who are not supposed to see it, and keep it in his possessions even if the courting negotiations do not reach a successful conclusion. This leads to a serious harm for the woman – with her private photographs becoming widely accessible for whoever cares to view them.

For all of the above, exchanging photographs is not permissible – except in situations where one of the woman’s mahram’s would show her photograph to the courter without leaving it in his possession.

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Just as a man is allowed to look at his intended wife, a woman is allowed to look at her intended husband – with the above conditions, and nothing that a man’s ‘awrah extend from his navel to his knees. However, unlike men, a woman’s looking should reflect a certain level of modesty and reservation that are characteristic of her femininity.

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Talking and correspondence are permissible between a man and a woman whom he is seriously considering for marriage. However, this should be done under controlled conditions: in the presence and watch of the woman’s wali or his representative, avoiding khulwah, touching or other prohibitions, and limiting it to what is necessary for helping the couple make their decision.

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The Internet is one of the newest and most powerful communication tools that were ever conceived by humanity. The average person nowadays spends many hours every week on the Internet: surfing, searching, reading, writing, learning, chatting, buying, selling, and so on. It is not suprising, then, that many individuals look for spouses in this wonderful land! Men and women “chat”, e-mail one another, and even exchange digitised pictures!

However, courting and marrying over the Internet often has negative results. It involves many sinful or questionable practices, among which are the following:

1) Each individual paints about himself or herself an unreal picture that is meant to impress the other side. One describes what he (or she) wishes to be, not what one really is! Being in a private room with a keyboard and a monitor provides a big chance for pretence. Thus, lying and deceit are prevalent in this kind of communication.

Asma’ (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“A person who pretends having that which he does not is like one who wears two garments of deception”.

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

2) A woman’s wali is normally responsible for investigating about a prospective husband’s family, friends, manners, finances, etc. With Internet courting, on the other hand, a woman forsakes all of this and makes herself the ultimate judge, allowing her emotions and the courter’s cunning to make one of the most important decisions of her lifetime!

3) A great deal of precious time is wasted in writing polished e-mails and exchanging worthless “chats”. ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud and Abu Burazah (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that Allah’s Messenger said:

“A human being’s feet will not depart from before his Lord, on Resurrection Day, until he is questioned about five things: his lifetime and how he consumed it, his youth and body and how he utilised it, his wealth and how he earned and spent it, and what he did in regard to what he knew.”

(at-Tirmidhi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 946)

4) Digitised pictures are often exchanged. As indicated above, this practice is largely prohibited, especially since digitised pictures can be easily and permanently stored on the computer, and electronically exchanged with other “interested” individuals.

5) In many cases, the Internet communication takes place between a man and a married woman (often with children)! The woman starts seeing her husband’s mistakes well magnified, and her Internet chatter grows in her thoughts into a perfect hero that will surely save her from the miserable life with her husband. We have witnessed a number of such cases that ended in divorce, or in the woman running away from her husband’s house to join the hero that she never met! As we will see in the next section, turning a woman against her husband is a great sin.

Because of the above and many other reasons, Internet courting is a dangerous practice that should be largely avoided by the righteous Muslims.

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Courting a Married Woman

It is prohibited to court a woman who is married. The same is true about a woman whose husband divorced her a non-final divorce (a first or second time) and she is still in her ‘iddah (waiting period). The reason for this is that in both cases she is considered under the authority of her husband, and no other man may challenge that authority.

It is indeed a great sin to turn a woman against her husband with the intention of marrying her. Abu Hurayrah and Buraydah (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“He is not one of us who turns a woman against her husband or a slave against his master.”

(Abu Dawood, Ahmad, al-Hakim and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 5436, 5437, 6223, & as-Sahihah no. 324, 325)

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When a Muslim man is proposing to a woman, it is not permissible for other Muslims to propose to her. They should wait until her side (she, her family, or her representatives) takes a clear position from the proposal: either acceptance or rejection. If that proposal is rejected, others may then approach her for marriage.

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Avoid suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales. Do not spy, nor look at the faults (of each other), nor oppose each other, nor envy one another, nor hate one another, nor desert each other – O Servants of Allah, be (true) brothers. Let not a man court a woman whom his brother is courting: (He should wait) until he marries or leaves her.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

Uqbah bin Amir (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“A believer is a brother to another believer. It is not permissible for a believer to negotiate a deal that his brother is negotiating, nor propose to a woman to whom his brother is proposing – until he leaves.”

(Muslim)

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Let not any of you propose to a woman to whom his brother is proposing. (He should wait) until he marries or quits.”

(an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1817 & as-Sahihah no. 1030)

Abdullah bin ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Let none of you negotiate a deal that is being negotiated by another one, nor propose to a woman to whom another one is proposing.”

(al-Bukhari, an-Nasa’i and others)

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Let not a man propose to a woman to whom his brother is proposing, nor negotiate a deal that his brother is negotiating. A woman may not be married to a man who is married to her paternal or maternal aunt. A woman should not request that her sister be divorced so that she would fill her own plate (with food – is she is a co-wife) or get married (instead of her), because she will only receive what Allah has prescribed for her.”

(Muslim)

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The following forms of courting are also prohibited:

1) A man who has four wives may not court an additional woman – unless he divorces one or more of his wives.

2) A man is not allowed to court a woman whom he is not allowed to simultaneously marry with a current wife, such as her sister or aunt.

3) A man who had divorced a wife three times is not allowed to court or consider her unless she married after him another man who, after consummating their marriage, wilfully divorces her.

4) A woman who is in her ‘iddah from a husband’s death or a terminal divorce (this includes a third and final divorce, or marriage termination through khul’ (upon her request) or faskh (by the judge’s decree)) may not be approached with direct proposals before the end of her ‘iddah. She may only be approached by a subtle hint, such as telling her,

“When you finish your ‘iddah, a man with just a few children may want to marry you.”

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“There is no blame upon you for that to which you (indirectly) allude concerning a proposal to a women, nor for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you are going to remember them. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not decide to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah if Forgiving and Tolerant.

(Qur’aan 2: 235)

[ditta]

It is permissible for a man to offer his daughter or the woman under his custody for marriage to those whom he trusts as being worthy of her.

‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that after the death of his sister Hafsah’s husband, Khunays bin Huthafah as-Sahmi (radhiyAllaahu anha), Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) offered Hafsah to Uthman. A few nights later, ‘Uthman apologised,

“I have decided not to marry right now.”

Umar then offered her to Abu Bakr, and he did not give him an answer either. This saddened ‘Umar; but the Prophet :saw: consoled him saying:

“One who is better than Uthman will marry Hafash, and ‘Uthman will marry one who is better than Hafsah.”

(The Prophet :saw: meant his daughter Umm Kulthum)

A few nights later, Allah’s Messenger :saw: asked him for her hand, and ‘Umar accepted. Later on Abu Bakr met ‘Umar and asked him,

“You were probably bothered when you offered me Hafsah and I did not give you an answer.”

‘Umar said,

“Yes!”

Abu Bakr then explained,

“Truly, what had prevented me from giving you an answer when you offered her to me was that I knew that Allah’s Messenger :saw: had mentioned (marrying) her, and I was not to expose Allah’s Messenger’s :saw: secret. Had he declined marrying her, I would surely have accepter
her.”

(al-Bukhari and an-Nasa’i)

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) tells us about another case where a righteous man offered one of his daughters in marriage to Musa (alayhis-salaam):

“He said, “Indeed, I wish to marry to you one of these two daughters of mine, on condition that you serve me for (at least) eight years; but if you complete, it will be (a favour) from you.”

(Qur’aan 28: 27)

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Description of Istikharah

Istikharah means seeking good through putting one’s complete trust in Allah. A believer should perform istikharah before starting any important undertaking. Since marriage one of the most important decisions that a person takes, it is important for both the man and woman to perform istikharah before they give the final word that binds them together.

Jabir bin ‘Abdillah (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: used to teach his companions to perform istikharah in all of their affairs – as though he was them a surah from the Qur’aan.

He told them:

“When one you is about to do something (important), let him pray two non-obligatory rak’at and then say:

“Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, wa-as’aluka min fadlik al-azim, fa-‘innaka taqdiru wa-la aqdir, wa-ta’lamu wa-la a’lam, wa-‘anta ‘allam ul-ghuyub.

Allahumma inkunta ta’lamu anna hatha-‘l-‘amra (and he names his intended affair) huwa khayran il fi dini wa-ma’ashi, wa-‘aqibati amri wa-‘ajilihi wa-‘ajilhi, fa-qdurhu li, wa-yassirhu li, thumma barik li fi. Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hatha-‘l’-amra huwa sharrun li fi dini wa-ma’ashi, wa-‘aqibati amri wa-‘ajilihi wa-‘ajilihi, fa-srifhy ‘anni wa-srifni ‘anhu, wa-qdur liy-al-khayra haythu kan thumma raddini bih –

O Allah, I ask You to chose for me with Your knowledge and decree for me with Your might, and I ask You of Your great favour. Indeed You decree and I do not, and You know and I do not; You surely are the Knower of all that is hidden. O Allah, if You know that this affair (and he names it) is good for me in regard to my religion, my living, and its outcome – both immediate and future, decree it, facilitate it, and then bless it for me. And if You know that this affair is harmful for me in regard to my religion, my living, and its outcome – both immediate and future, divert it from me and divert me from it, and decree for me good wherever it may be, and then make me content by it.”

And indeed, never would he regret who asks the Creator to choose for him, and consults the creation, and ascertains his actions.”

(al-Bukhari and others)

From this hadeeth, it is obvious that the istikharah is a special du’aa that has the following characteristics:

1) It is said when travelling to perform an important act, and just before embarking on that act, with the expectation that Allah will chose the best.

2) It is preceded with a voluntary prayer consisting of two rak’at. One may raise one’s hands while saying it – as is recommended for any du’aa’.

3) After a person makes istikharah, he should undertake what he was planning to do before it. If that is good for Him, Allah would surely facilitate it, otherwise, He would bring about some circumstances to hinder it.

4) Contentment with its outcome may not be felt immediately, but will surely materialise with time.

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a) A misconception concerning istikharah is that it is made when a person is undetermined between two or more alternatives. It is clear from the above hadeeth that it should only be made after he had decided which of the alternative to undertake.

b) Some people think that one of the important requirements of istikharah is to perform it just before going to sleep, and that some dreams should indicate what to do.

c) Other people think that the istikharah puts in the heart an inclination toward the proper choice.

There is no basis for either of these two assumptions, and the above hadeeth supports neither. In fact, the hadeeth indicates that when, as a result of the istikharah, Allah hinders an affair that a person was about to undertake, that might bring some dislike into his heart, and he therefore ask Allah to give him contentment.

[ditta]

We have seen from the above hadeeth that, in addition to istikharah, it is recommended to consult with some knowledgeable people before making an important decision.

Thus it is recommended for the man and woman (or her wali) to investiage about his or her intended partner, making sure that she or he was the required good attributes.

When a person’s advice is sought in regard to individuals that are considered for marriage, business partnership, etc, he should provide truthful and honest advice. This advice should be limited to matters relevant to the affair in question, and should not be exceeded to other areas because that may then count as a prohibited form of backbiting.

Fatimah bin Qays (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that her husband ‘Amr bin Hafs (radhiyAllaahu anh) sent ‘Ayyash bin Abi Rabi’ah (radhiyAllaahu anh) to deliver to her a third and final divorce, and he sent with him a quantity of dates and barley as a present to her. She protested to ‘Ayyash and requested more support, but he responded,

“By Allah, you do not deserve support unless you were pregnant.”

She went complaining to Allah’s Messenger :saw:, and he asked her,

“How many times did he divorce you?”

She replied,

“Three times.”

He said,

“He is right then – he does not owe you any support (because the marriage was terminal).”

The Prophet :saw: told her to spend her ‘iddah in Umm Sharik’s (radhiyAllaahu anhum) house, but then remembered that some of his male companions go into her house. So he said:

“Spend your iddah in the house of your cousing ‘Abdullah ibn Umm Maktum’s. Indeed, he is a blind man, and when you remove your head-cover, he cannot see you. When you complete your ‘iddah, inform me.”

When she completed her ‘iddah, Fatimah went to the Prophet :saw: and told him that both Mu’awiyah bin Abi Sufyan and Abu Jahm asked for her hand. Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“As for Abu Jahm, he is harsh with women and never takes the stick off his shoulder; and as for Mu’awiyah, he is a poor man without any money. Marry Usamah bin Zayd.

She disliked that, but the Prophet :saw: repeated,
“Marry Usamah bin Zayd.”

She concluded:

“Then I married Usamah; Allah put a great deal of good in him, and I was very happy with him.”

(Muslim, Abu Dawood and others)

[ditta]

As we indicated above, it is important to provide truthful information in regard to the two individuals involved in a khitbah. The information should be limited to matters that expected have a bearing on the marriage. Absolute truth is required from the two involved parties: the man seeking to marry and the woman being sought, as well as their representatives, and any other individuals who are asked for advice.

Hiding any problems that one knows about is a sinful act of mistrust in Islam, and could result in numerous future predicaments.

For instance, one is required to indicate any physical problem in the two individuals involved in the khitbah. If either of them has a physical deficiency, such as impotence, venereal diseases, etc., he (or she) should make it known to the other individual before approving the engagements.

As for the one who thus learns about some problems in the other person, he is not allowed to publicise that knowledge or expose those secrets.

[ditta]

There are many violations that some Muslims have introduced into the process of Khitbah. Many of those violations arise from blind imitation of the non-Muslims. In what follows we mention a few of them:


Privacy & Intimacy between the engaged couple

After the engagement, and before the marriage contract, the woman’s family permit her to go out with the “fiance”, have khulwah with him, and even touch and kiss him.

Some people think of the engagement as a “test-drive” period in which they fully try out their partners to see if they will be able to pursue a long life together. With that, they commit many sins, minor and major, including zina. And interestingly, many of these engagements prove unsuccessful and end up in separation before marriage!

Some families like to extend the engagement period to months or even years, thereby providing more chance for the engaged couple to fall into sinning.

[ditta]

In many Muslim countries, the khitbah is held publicly in the form of a reception or party in which drinks are served, music is played, and the bridegroom kisses the bride or takes pictures with her. All of that is in great discord with the Sunnah and the Islamic teachings, and should therefore be totally avoided.

Furthermore, a khitbah should stay from the people’s eyes because no legal shariah consequences result from it. If, for any reason, a publicised khitbah is not concluded with actual marriage, serious harm may results from publicising it, especially in regard to the bride’s reputation.

[ditta]

The engaged couple often exchange “engagement” rings, and the bridegroom gives the bride jewellery and gifts at the time of khitbah. This is in violation of Islam, since there is no reason yet for any property or gift exchange to take place – until they are legally bound by the marriage contract. In many cases, this premature act leads to serious disputes if the engagement is broken for any reason.

Furthermore, the “engagement” ring has no basis in Islam. It originates from an old Christian practice that the Muslims should not imitate.

[ditta]

Importance of the Marriage Contract

The marriage (or nikah) contract is enacted between a man and woman for the purpose of enjoying each other and forming a good family.

The marriage contract is the formal bond that turns two individuals from strangers to husband and wife. As a result of the marriage contract, many rights and obligations become imperative and many fruits are anticipated.

To many people, the marriage contract is the most important contract they execute throughout their lives. Each marriage contact normally carries a lasting effect over a large number of individuals, many of them yet to be born.

Since the marriage contract has such a great and solemn significance, Islam imposes a number of guidelines that is must fulfil.

[ditta]

Marriage is a serious matter and should be dealt with seriously. It is not allowed for a man to marry and then claim that he did not really mean it or that he was joking,

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“There are three matters that are considered serious in both serious and non-serious talk: marriage, divorce, and returning (a wife who was divorced a non-terminal divorce).”

(Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 1826 & Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3027)

Fudalah bin ‘Ubayd (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“There are three matters in which it is not permissible to joke: marriage, divorce, and emancipation of divorce.”

(at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir). Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 1826 & Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3047)

[ditta]

The Islamic marriage has six conditions, two pillars, one obligation, and one optional element. Dropping a condition, or a pillar invalidates the contract. Intentionally dropping the obligation is a sin.

Conditions – Bridegroom’s eligibility, Bride’s eligibility, Bridegroom’s consent,
Bride’s consent or permission, Wali’s approval, Presence of two witnesses.

Pillars – the offering (ijab), the acceptance (qabul).

Obligation – the dowry.

Optional element – imposed conditions.

[ditta]

To be eligible for marriage, the bridegroom should fulfil the following requirements:

Must be a Muslim male, should be chaste, should be sane, should attained puberty, may not be related to the bride by a permanently prohibiting blood, milk, or marital relationship, may not be related to the bride by a temporarily prohibiting marital relationship, must perform the contract willfully and not by compulsion.

[ditta]

To be eligible for marriage, the bride should fulfil the following requirements:

Must be a Muslim, Christian, or Jewish female, should be chaste, should be sane, may not be married or still in ‘iddah from another man, may not be related to the groom by a permanently prohibiting blood, milk or marital relationship, may not be related to the groom by a temporarily prohibiting marital relationship, must perform the contact willfully and not by compulsion.

[ditta]

Ruling

Being one of the two individuals involved in a marriage contract, the bride should have a say in reward to the partner with whom she would be associated in a long-term partnership.

‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Take the women’s permission in regard to their private parts (i.e., marriage).”

(Ahmad and an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 930 & as-Sahihah no. 398)

Abu Musa al-Ash’ari (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“When one of you wants to give his daughter in marriage, he should take her permission.”

(at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir) and Abu Ya’la. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 300 & as-Sahihah no. 1206)

A bride’s permission is a required element of the marriage contract. Without this permission, the contract is either null and void, or may be invalidated by the Islamic authorities – based on the bride’s request.

We will see below that, depending on the bride’s situation, the mode of her permission varies from being fully vocal and assertive to being passive and compliant with her wali’s decision.

[ditta]

A virgin bride (in Arabic: bikr) is a woman who never had intercourse with men. That would normally mean that her virginity hymen is present and intact; however, this is not an absolute condition because some virgins may lose their hymen in an accident or illness.

A virgin is usually naive and inexperienced in the ways of life and people’s cunning. She has no knowledge about men and is unable to evaluate a potential husband. Thus, it is not possible for her to make a clear decision in that regard, and it is left for her wali, who is usually her father, to make the decision on her behalf. Even then, he must consult with her and take her approval before executing the marriage contract.

When a virgin is adorned with the strong haya (modesty and shyness) that adorned the early Muslim virgins, she would extremely reluctant to voice her opinion in regard to a man who seeks to marry her. In that case, her passive expression of approval is sufficient.

A passive approval is expressed by the bride’s remaining silent, nodding her head, or making any other motion to indicate that she does not object to the marriage. On the other hand, is she does object, she must declare that with a clear action or statement.

The bride’s passive approval is the minimum required permission. However, it is possible for her to express her approval in a more assertive way, such as saying, “Yes, I would like to marry him.”

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“A non-virgin woman (i.e., widow or divorcee) may not be married without her instruction; and a virgin may not be married without her permission, and her silence indicates consent.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

‘Umayrah al-Kindi (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Take the women’s permission in regard to themselves (i.e., marriage). A non-virgin expresses herself with her tongue; and a virgin’s silence is (a sufficient proof of) her acceptance.”

(Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 13, 3084 & Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 1836)

Ibn Abbas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported:

“A virgin woman came to the Prophet :saw: and told him that her father gave her in marriage against her will. The Prophet :saw: then gave her the choice (of maintaining for terminating the marriage).”

(Ibn Majah. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih Ibn Majah no. 1520)

[ditta]

A non-virgin bride (in Arabic: thayyib) is a woman who has had at least one sexual intercourse with men – whether it was in regular marriage or zina.

A thayyib normally has more experience in life and more ability to make a decision in regard to her marriage. Thus, she should be allowed to voice her opinion and make her decision, and her decision must be honoured by her wali. This is clearly expressed in the above hadeeths.

Similarly, Ibn ‘Abbas (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“A non-virgin has more right to herself than does her guardian; as for a virgin, her permission is taken in regard to herself, and her silence is (a sufficient) permission.”

(Muslim and Abu Dawood)

Al-Khansa’ Bint Khitham al-Ansariyyah (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that her father gave her in marriage (without her permission). At that time, she was non-virgin. She disliked that marriage and complained to the Prophet :saw: who invalidated the contract.

(al-Bukhari and Ahmad)

[ditta]

An orphan girl is a virgin who lost her father. Thus, her wali is not her father. In regard to the permission for marriage, she is given more say than a normal virgin.

Abu Musa al-Ashari (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Give a (virgin) orphan girl the right to decide in regard to herself (in marriage), and her silence is (a sufficient) permission.”

(at-Tabarani and Ahmad. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 14 & as-Sahihah no. 656)

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“A (virgin) orphan girl’s permission should be sought in regard to herself (i.e., in marriage); if she remains silent, that counts as her permission; and if she expresses her refusal, she may not be forced against her will.”

(Abu Dawood, an-Nasa’i and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 1349, 8194 & Irwa-ul-Ghalil no. 1834)

‘Abdullah bin Umar (radhiyAllaahu anhuma) reported that when Uthman bin Maz’un (radhiyAllaahu anh) died he left behind a daughter from his wife Khuwaylah bin Hakim. In his will, ‘Uthman had appointed his brother Qudamah bin Maz’un as her guardian. Ibn ‘Umar asked for the orphan girl’s hand from Qudamah (who was his maternal uncle), and Qudamah agreed to marry her to him. However, al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah (radhiyAllaahu anh) approached her mother and beguiled her with money. The mother this leaned towards him, and her daughter followed her mother’s inclination and refused to marry Ibn ‘Umar. They disputed and went before the Prophet :saw:.

Qudamah said:

“O Allah’s Messenger! She is my brother’s daughter. He appointed me as her guardian, and I gave her in marriage to ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar – forsaking neither righteousness nor compatibility. However, she is only a woman, and she now leans according to her mother’s inclination.”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: respond:

“She is an orphan, and she may not be married except with her permission.”

Ibn ‘Umar added:

“Thus, by Allah, she was taken away from me, even after I had taken charge of her (by marriage), and was married to al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah.”

(Ahmad, ad-Daraqutni and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani
(Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1835)

[ditta]

Ruling

A woman may not independently give herself in marriage. Her wali (guardian) should represent her in doing that. He should take her consent if she is a virgin. Otherwise, he should follow her instruction.

Abu Musa al-Ash’ari, Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, Jabir bin ‘Abdillah and Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“A marriage (contract) is not valid without a wali.”

(Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1839)

Thus, the presence of the wali for the execution of the marriage contract is a condition for its validity.

[ditta]

Normally, a woman’s wali is her father. If, for any reason, her father is unable to be her wali, her wali would then be her next closest mahram (grandfather, son, brother, uncle, etc).

If the woman’s close relatives are non-Muslims, they may not be her shar’i guardians.

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“Allah will never grant to the unbelievers a way (of authority) over the believers)”

(Qur’aan 4: 141)

A woman may not take another woman as her wali. Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“A woman may not give another woman in marriage, nor may a woman give herself in marriage.”

Abu Hurayrah added:

“For, indeed it is an adulterous who gives herself in marriage (without her wali’s consent).”

(Ibn Majah, al-Bayhaqi and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1841)

If the bride does not have a Muslim blood-relative as wali, the Islamic authority, represented by the ruler or judge, would appoint a wali for her. In many non-Muslim countries, the local iman of a Muslim community carries out the common duties of an Islamic judge, and would therefore be the wali of a woman who has no wali.

‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“A marriage (contract) is not valid without a wali. And the (Islamic) authority is the wali of the one who does not have a wali.”

(Ahmad and Abu Dawood. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1840)

[ditta]

A common practice in many non-Islamic countries is that a woman, having no Muslim mahram as wali, would appoint her own wali. This is wrong, and she has no right to do so. As we saw above, this is the right of the Islamic judge or imam.

This incorrect practice has caused a number of bad consequences, among which are the following:

1) The appointed wali if often found unworthy of the trust invested in him and incapable of properly serving his principal’s interests.

2) Some women take liberty in dealing with the wali. They treat him as an intimate friend or relative, often sharing with him intimate secrets and going into khulwah (complete privacy) with him, which often leads to committing major sins.

3) Some women expect from the wali much more than what is within his capacity. His only duty is representing the women and serving her best interest in regard to the marriage negotiations and contract. Once that is done, his duty ends and he stops being her wali. Some women, however, think that the wali’s position is permanent, and they contact him for every little or big problem in their life. This results in a relationship that is quite intimate and may lead to serious sinning as above.

[ditta]

From the above, we conclude that the presence of the wali (or his representative) is a required condition for the validity of the marriage contract. Therefore, a marriage that is held without the wali’s consent and approval is null and void.

‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that the Messenger :saw: said:

“Whichever woman marries without her wali’s permission, her marriage is void, her marriage is void, her marriage is void. If he (the husband) performs intercourse with her (despite the invalidity of their marriage), the mahr becomes her right because he had access to her private parts. And if they dispute (with the wali about this or other matters), the ruler would then be the wali of the one who does not have a wali.”

(Ahmad, Abu Dawood and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1840)

[ditta]

A wali is required to represent his principal and serve her best interest. From the above hadeeth of ‘A’ishah, we see that if the wali causes unnecessary harm to his principal or prevents her from doing things that Allah has made permissible for her, she may protest and dispute that before the Islamic authority. In that case, and if her allegations were found true, the Islamic judge may command the wali to change his course of action, transfer his guardianship to another man, or make other decisions as he sees fit in her case.

Ma’qil bin Yasar (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that he married his sister to a man who subsequently divorced her. After the end of her ‘iddah, he came seeking to remarry her. Ma’qil said to him,

“I married her to you, gave you furnishings, and was generous to you, but you divorced her! No, by Allah, she will never go back to you!”

But the man was reasonably good, and the woman wanted to go back to him.

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) then revealed:

“And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their husbands – if they agree between
themselves on reasonable terms.”

(Qur’aan 2: 232)

Ma’qil then said to Allah’s Messenger :saw:,

“Now I listen and obey, O Allah’s Messenger!”

So he let them remarry, and expiated his oath.

(al-Bukhari, ad-Daraqutni and others)

[ditta]

The wali, whether natural or appointed, holds a major responsibility before Allah toward his principal. He should represent her and look after her interest in the best possible way. He should make sure that the man who seeks marrying her is suitable for her. His criteria should be what pleases Allah, and not what brings him better social status, wealth, or other worldly gains.

If it is demonstrated that the wali is not worthy of his responsibility, he loses his walayah (position as being wali) according to the procedure outlined earlier.

[ditta]

Another condition for the validity of a marriage contract is the presence of at least two trustworthy Muslim male witnesses.

‘A’ishah, Imran bin Hasayn, and Abu Musa al-Ash’ari (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“A marriage (contract) is not valid without a wali and two trustworthy witnesses.”

(Ahmad, Ibn Hibban and others.Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1839, 1858, 1860)

The witnesses should witness and hear all of the contract’s details, including the permission given by the bride to the wali.

[ditta]

Definition and Ruling

In Islam, the dowry is a mandatory marriage gift given by the husband to his wife at wedding. In Arabic, it is called mahr or sadaq.
Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) commands:

“And give the women (upon marriage) their dowry as a free gift.”

(Qur’aan 4: 4)

Commenting on this ayah, al-Qurtubi (rahimahullaah) said:

“This ayah indicates that the woman’s sadaq is mandatory. There is a consensus on this (among the scholars), and there is no difference in its regard...”

(Al-Jami’u li-Ahkam il-Qur’aan)

And Allah commands:

“And give them (the women that you marry) their compensation as an obligation.”

(Qur’aan 4: 24)

And Allah commands:

“So marry them (slave girls) with their people’s permission, and give them their compensation according to what is reasonable.”

(Qur’aan 4: 25)

Even though the mahr is an obligation on the husband, there is no proof to make it a condition for the validity of the marriage contract. As we will see below, a marriage contract could possibly be executed without specifying a mahr. However, that should normally be avoided because it may lead to future complications and disputes.

[ditta]

The mahr is the sole right of the wife and no one may take any of it without her permission – not even her parents.

Some people may object to the above citing the story of the old man offered his daughter in marriage to Musa (alayhis-salaam) and took her dowry in the form of labour work from Musa. However, as-San’ani indicates that was possible permissible in the laws prior to Islam but was abrogated in Islam. (Subul-us-Salam)

Furthermore, Musa’s service to the old man may have profited Musa’s wife as well. Also, she may have agreed with her father to take something from him in exchange for Musa’s service, or wanted to give up her mahr as a gift to her father.

The mahr is a compensation that wife takes in return for making herself available to her husband. Thus, Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) gives her full right to it, even at the time of divorce – if her husband divorces her without any default on her part. Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“If you want to substitute one wife for another, and you have given one of them a qintar, do not take back any of it. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have intimately dealt with each other, and they (your wives) have taken from you a solemn covenant?

(Qintar: According to Lisan-ul-‘Arab, it is a large indefinite quantity of gold or silver. Most commonly, the Arabs used to mean by it four-thousand dinars (or gold coins))

(Qur’aan 4: 20)

We will show below that the “qintar” in this ayah does not only refer to the mahr, but also to gifts and other items that the husband gives to the wife whom he then wants to divorce without a serious reason.

Therefore, it is up to the wife if she wants to keep all of her mahr, give some of it to her parents or other people, or even give some of it back to
her husband.

(Note that the way a woman dispenses of any of her property would still be subject to her husband’s approval)

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“And give the women (upon marriage) their dowry as a free gift. But if they willing give up any of it to you, enjoy it with pleasure and satisfaction.”

(Qur’aan 4: 4)

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The dowry can be money, jewellery, clothes, or other material things. It can also be a non-material gift, as we’ll see below.

The amount of the dowry should be in accordance with the husband’s financial ability and with what is reasonable for the bride in her social status. It is normally determined by agreement between the husband and the bride (or her wali).

Sahl bin Sa’d (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that woman once came to the Prophet :saw: and offered herself (in marriage) to him. He :saw: declined and indicated that he had no need for any (additional) wives. A man who was present with him said, “O Allah’s Messenger! Marry her to me.”

The Prophet :saw: asked him,

“Do you have anything (to give her)?”

The Prophet :saw: said,

“Give her at least an iron ring.”

But still could not afford it. He :saw: asked him,

“Have you memorised any portion of the Qur’aan.”

He replied:

“I memorised such-and-such surahs.”

The Prophet :saw: then said:

“Go (have her as wife). I marry her to you for the portion of the Qur’aan that you memorised.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

One may ask,

“What benefit did she get from his memorisation of the Qur’aan.”

The answer is that he would then be expected to teach her some of what he had memorised, and to treat her kindly according to the upright principles learned from what he memorised. All of that would be of much more benefit to the bride than maternal gifts.

In addition to a cash sum of money that is usually specified as the mahr, some cultures require from the husband other financial commitments toward the bride, such as clothes, jewellery, and so on. In the Islamic law, all of that counts as part of the mahr, and it is best to clearly name it in the marriage contract to avoid future disputes.

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Islam does not set an upper limit for the dowry; but it is recommended to make it light and easy on the husband. A burdening mahr could be a bad omen of a miserable and non-compassionate marriage.

In many Muslim countries, the woman’s parents request extremely high dowries. That has led many young men to forsake marriage or postpone it for a number of years, which has in turn led to the spread of zina and other sins among the young. Thus, the parents should be considerate and should realise that demanding too much from the husband brings harm to their daughters and the whole Muslim community.

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that a man came to the Prophet :saw: and said,

“I have married a woman from al-Ansar.”

The Prophet :saw: asked him:

“How much (mahr) did you give her?”

The Prophet :saw: replied,

“Four uqiyyahs.”

(Uqiyyah: an old measure that correspond to forty dirhams)

Noting his limited financial condition, and that he needed help paying that mahr, the Prophet :saw: said disapprovingly:

“Four uqiyyahs? It is as though you scoop silver from the side of this mountain.”

(Muslim, an-Nasa’i and others)

Abu Hadrad al-Aslami (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that he came to the Prophet :saw: seeking help in paying a woman’s mahr. The Prophet :saw: asked him,

“How much did you promise to give her?

He replied,

“Two hundred dirhams.”

The Prophet :saw: responded:

“Had you been scooping (silver) from Bathan (name of a valley in
al-Madinah), you would not have pledged more than that.”

(al-Hakim and Ahmad. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 2173)

‘Uqbah bin Amir (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“The best of marriages (or dowries) are the easiest.”

(Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 3279, 3300, as-Sahihah no. 1842 & Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1924)

A dowry that is light upon the husband is a sign of blessing for the bride. ‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Verily, a sign of blessing for a woman is that her engagement, sadaq, and womb (i.e., giving birth), are all made easy.”

(Ahmad, al-Hakim and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2235 & Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1928)

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If the marriage contract is executed without specifying a mahr, that does not forfeit the wife’s right to it.

‘Uqbah bin ‘Amir (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said to a man.

“Do you agree that I marry so-and-so woman to you?”

He replied,

“Yes.”

The Prophet :saw: then said to the woman,

“Do you agree that I marry you to so-and-so man?”

She replied,

“Yes.”

So he married them to each other without naming a mahr for the bride or giving her anything. That man was of those who witnessed the al-Hudaybiyah Covenant, and he got a share from the battle spoils of Khaybar. When he approached death, he said,

“Indeed, Allah’s Messenger :saw: gave me so-and-so in marriage but I did not then give her anything. Be my witnesses that I now give her as mahr my share from Khaybar.”

So she took that share and sold it for one-hundred thousand.

(Abu Dawood, Ibn Hibban and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1924)

‘Ulqumah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that some people came to ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud (radhiyAllaahu anh) and asked him about a case where one of them married a woman without naming a mahr for her and he died before consummating the marriage.

‘Abdullah said,

“Since I departed from Allah’s Messenger :saw:, I have not been asked a harder question. Go ask someone else.”

They kept trying to get an answer from him for one month, at the end of which they said,

“Whom would we ask if we do not ask you, and you are one of the most esteemed of Muhammad’s :saw: companions in this land, and we cannot find anyone else?”

He said,

“I will try to give you my best opinion in her regard. If it is right, that would be from Allah alone Who has no partners. And if it is wrong, that would be from me and from Satan, and Allah and His Messenger would be clear from it.”

Then he said,

“She should be given a mahr similar to that of other women of her family (or social status), without increase or reduction, and she should accomplish the ‘iddah (of four months and ten days), and she should be given her share of the inheritance.”

Some individuals from the tribe of Ashja’ were then present, and one of them, called Ma’qil bin Sinan al-Ashja’i, stood and said:

“I testify that your judgement is similar to what Allah’s Messenger :saw: judged in regard to a woman of ours called Baru’ bint Washiq.”

Since embracing Islam, ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud was never seen as pleased as he was when he heard this.

(Abu Dawood, an-Nasa’i and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1939)

From the above reports we conclude that if, at wedding, a woman was not assigned a mahr, or if her mahr was too small compared to her husband’s situation and the mahrs that are usually given to other women of her status, that does not forfeit her right to a fair mahr. She may then dispute that with the Islamic authorities.

Therefore, extreme care should be taken by the woman’s wali to make sure that his principal is given a fair mahr at the time of marriage. If she then chooses to give up part or all of it to the husband, she should do that voluntarily and knowingly.

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The mahr that the Prophet :saw: gave to his wives varied from one to another. In the case of Safiyyah (radhiyAllaahu anha), her dowry was emancipation from slavery.

Anas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported:

“The Prophet :saw: freed Safiyyah (and married her); and her freedom was her dowry.”

(al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Umm Habibah (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that she was married to ‘Ubayd Ullah bin Jahsh, and he died when they were at al-Habashah (Abyssina). So an-Najashi (the Abyssinian king) gave her to Allah’s Messenger :saw: in marriage. On behalf of Allah’s Messenger :saw:, an-Najashi gave her four thousand (dirhams) as mahr, and he then sent her to him with Sharhabil bin Hasanah.

(Abu Dawood, an-Nasa’i and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih Abi Dawood no. 1853)

Thus, Umm Habibah’s mahr was quite large. But it was not given to her by the Prophet :saw: himself. Rather, it was a gift from an-Najashi on his behalf. In all other cases, the mahr that Allah’s Messenger :saw: gave to his wives did not exceed five hundred dirhams.

Abu Salamah ‘Abd ur-Rahman reported that he asked ‘A’ishah (radhiyAllaahu anha),

“How much was the sadaq that Allah’s Messenger :saw: gave?”

She replied:

“His sadaq to his wives was twelve and a half uqiyyahs.”

(Muslim)

Abu al-‘Ajfa reported that ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) once gave a khutbah in which he said:

“Do not be excessive in regard to the women’s dowries.”

He added:

“Had that been an indication of honour in this life or taqwa before Allah, the Prophet :saw: would have been most worthy of it among you. Yet, Allah’s Messenger :saw: did not give as dowry to any of his wives, nor did any of his daughters receive more than twelve uqiyyahs.”

(Abu Dawood, an-Nasa’i and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1927)

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It is important to warn against a weak story that is alleged to have taken place between ‘Umar and a woman, and even to note that some great scholars, such Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimahullaah), have quoted this story without realising its weakness.

Once ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) gave a speech in which he admonished against excessiveness in dowries and said,

“I will not allow any dowry larger than that of the Prophet’s :saw: wives and daughters.”

A woman protested saying:

“O Command of the Believers! You just forbade the people from being excessive in dowries. Why would you prevent us from receiving something that Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) gave us?”

She then recited:

“If you want to substitute one wife for antoher, and you have given one of them a qintar, do not take back any of it. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin?”

(Qur’aan 4: 20)

Upon hearing this, ‘Umar said (two or three times),

“All people have a better understanding than ‘Umar. Indeed, a woman is right and ‘Umar is wrong.”

Then he went back to minbar and addressed the people saying:

“Indeed, I had forbidden you from being excessive in the women’s dowries. But now I say: let every do with his wealth as he pleases.”

(This is a combined report recoded by Abu Ya’la, al-Bayhaqi, and ‘Abd-ur-Razzaq. It is declared to be extremely weak by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1927 & Raf ul-Malam pp. 33-34)

After indicating the weakness of this report, al-Albani (rahimahullaah) said:

“Furthermore, the woman’s quotation of this ayah is out of place. The ayah refers to a woman who is divorced without reason. It means, ‘If you wish to substitute a new wife for a previous one that you dislike and have no patience to treat with kindness – even though she did not commit any obvious sin, and if you had previously given her a large amount of money – whether she had received it all or you had pledged it to her, making it a debt owed by you to her, do not take back any of it.

Rather, you should leave it all to its rightful owner. You only wish to substitute her with another woman for the sake of your desire and enjoyment, and not for any shar’i reason that would have permitted your taking some of her money – such as her demanding separation, thereby hurting you by forcing you to divorce her. Is she did not do anything like that, how can you take any of her money?’”

(Commentary on Raf ul-Malan ‘an il-A’immat il-A’lam pp. 34-35)

This story is commonly cited by speakers and writers, trying thereby to prove variety of points, some being absolutely false. Among the false conclusions are the following:

It is permissible to demand excessive dowries.

There is nothing wrong with women standing in a masjid and correcting the imam or other speakers.

Women may give public addresses to a mixed audience.

No scholar of Islam deserves much respect, because even a common woman may easily expose his mistakes.

Women should be allowed as members, or even heads, of religious councils, such as shura boards of Islamic centres and organisations.

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Demanding from the husband mahr and gifts more than what he can afford could be a reason for destruction. If that becomes a standard practice among Muslims, it would inevitably lead some men to fall into theft, bribery, gambling, and other prohibited means in order to satisfy the greed of their wives and families. This would eventually destroy the whole society.

Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Indeed, the dunya (worldly life) is sweet and lush. And indeed, Allah gives you custody over it to see how you will do. So, beware of the dunya, and beware of the women, because the first fitnah (trial) of the Children of Israel was through women.”

(Muslim and others)

This fitnah is explained in another narrated by Abu Sa’id that once the Prophet :saw: gave a long speech about incident from this life and the Hereafter, and among what he mentioned was the following:

“Indeed, what first destroyed the Children of Israel is that a poor man’s wife would require from him as much clothing and jewellery as a rich man’s wife.”

(Ibn Khuzaymah and Ahmad. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 591)

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It is recommended to give the bride her mahr immediately after execution of the marriage contract. As we saw in the above examples, the Prophet :saw: only asked the husband for what he would offer at the time of marriage, and not what he could pledge for a future date.

Yet, it is a very common practice to divide the mahr into two portion, an advanced portion paid at the execution of the marriage contract, and a postponed portion to be aid when divorce or death takes place between the spouses.

Postponing the mahr is, in general, an innovated inconvenience that departs from the normal practice in the Sunnah. It defeats the very purpose of mahr, which is to be a gift given to the bride prior to having any intimacy with her. It also burdens the husband with a large amount of money that he must pledge as a postponed debt to an indefinite term.

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A woman’s mahr is a serious debt around a man’s neck. Thus, it is a major sin to take it away from her without her consent. Ibn ‘umar (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Indeed, among the greatest sins before Allah is that of a man who marries a woman, and after he fulfils his need with her, he divorces her and takes her mahr; and a man who hires another man but does give him his pay; and a man who kills an animal without reason.”

(al-Hakim and al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 1567 & as-Sahihah no. 999)

This hadeeth also points to a situation that is common in some of the Western countries. Some Muslim men coming from other countries marry Western Muslim women for a slight mahr, enjoy them for a period of time, and often obtain through them citizenship in their countries. Once they have fulfilled their need from the, they divorce them with a clear conscience! Thus, they take advantage of their wives and, furthermore, underpay them their mahrs. They should fear Allah and remember that if they get by with such actions in this life, they will not do the same before Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) on Judgement Day.

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Permissibility of Setting Conditions

At the time of enacting the marriage contract, the two parties may wish to set conditions whose violation would invalidate the contract. This is permissible and acceptable, as long as the conditions do not violate any Islamic principles. The conditions are normally set by the wife’s side, because the husband can terminate the marriage by uttering the divorce and needs no conditions to facilitate that for him.

‘Uqbah bin Amir al-Juhani (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“Indeed, the conditions that deserve to be fulfilled the most are those which allow you access to the women’s private parts (by marriage and relaions).”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

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If the conditions are Islamically acceptable, they must be fulfilled, and violating them would be sufficient cause for the wife to terminate the marriage if she so desires.

Al-Athram and ‘Abd-ur-Rahman bin Ghanam reported that a man married a woman and accepted her condition of wanting to stay in one house (i.e., town). Later on, he found it necessary to move to a different land, and his wife’s family disputed that with ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh). ‘Umar said,

“Her condition must be honoured.”

The man objected,

“This is unfair to the men. So whenever a woman wishes to divorce her husband she would do so!”

And Umar replied:

“The believers are required to maintain their conditions; and the rights cease where there are conditions to fulfil.”

(Sa’id bin Mansur, Ibn Abi Shaybah, al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1893)

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On the other hand, a condition may be waived by the wife, as an act of benevolence or forgiveness. Also, the Islamic judge may suspend a condition if he finds that it violates an Islamic principle.

It is interesting to note that, in another case, ‘Umar suspended the same condition that he passed in the above narration. That could be due to some difference that he saw in the overall situation of the families between the two cases, leading him to difference judgements (and Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) knows best.

Sa’id bin ‘Ubayd bin as-Sabbaq reported that a man who married during the time of ‘Umar allowed his wife a condition that he would not take her out (of her hometown). ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) relieved him of this condition and said:

“A woman should be with her husband (i.e., wherever he moves).”

(al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1893)

Commenting on this, al-Bayhaqi (rahimahullaah) said:

“This report is closer to the Book and Sunnah, and agrees with others sahabah’s (radhiyAllaahu anhum) opinion.”

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As indicated above, if some of the conditions violate the Islamic teachings, they are automatically considered null and void. ‘A’ishah and Ibn Abbas (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that the Messenger :saw: said:

“Every condition not according to the Book of Allah is void, even if it be a hundred conditions.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

As an example, Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

“Let not a woman require (as condition for marriage) the divorce of her sister (in Islam) in order to take what is in her plate (of food) and marry (her husband). Indeed, she will only get what has been decreed for her.”

(al-Bukhari and Abu Dawood)

Umm Mubashhir al-Ansariyyah (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that after the death of her husband al-Bara’ bin Marur, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said to her:

“Indeed, Zayd bin Harithah’s wife has passed away, and I would like to find a wife for him; so I choose you for him.”

She was reluctant to accept and said,

“I have promised my husband that I will not marry after him.”

The Prophet :saw: replied,

“This (condition) is not right.”

Then he asked her,

“Do you dislike him?”

She said,

“How can I dislike him when Allah has placed him at such a close position to you? It is only the extreme concern my late husband had for me. But, I will do whatever you say.”

So the Prophet :saw: married her to Zayd and transferred her to live among his wives (That appears to be prior to the prohibition of adoption. Being the wife of his adopted son, the Prophet :saw: treated Umm Mubashshir like a daughter-in-law). When a goat was miled and the milk brought to the Prophet :saw:, he would first give it Umm Mubashshir to drink, before giving it to any of his wives. One day, the Prophet :saw: came into ‘A’ishah’s house while she was with her. He put his hand on ‘A’ishah’s knee and whispered something in her ear. She placed her hand over Allah’s Messenger :saw:, trying to push him away. Umm Mubashshir exclaimed,

“How could you do this to Allah’s Messenger!”

Allah’s Messenger :saw: laughed and said:

“Leave her! She sometimes does this or even more than this.”

(at-Tabarani and al-Bukhari (in at-Tarikh). Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 608)

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The Khutbah

It is recommended for the person conducting the marriage ceremony to start with khutbat-ul-Hajah that was reported by Ibn Mas’ud and Jabir (RadhiyAllaahu anhum).


Ijab and Qabul

Ijab and qabul (offering and acceptance) are the main and actual pillars of the contract. They signify the mutual agreement and acceptance between the two parties to join in this marriage bond. Ijab and qabul must be stated in clear, well defined words, in one and the same sitting, and in the presence of the witnesses.

The person conducting the ceremony may help the two parties say the following (or something to the same effect):

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The wali:

“I offer you the women under my custody (so-and-so) according to Allah’s Law and His Messenger’s :saw: Sunnah, and for the mahr and conditions to which we have agreed.”


The bridegroom:

“I accept marrying the woman under your custody (so-and-so) according to Allah’s Law and His Messenger’s :saw: Sunnah, and for the mahr and conditions to which we have agreed.”

The ijab and qabul must coincide in content. Any discrepancy between them would invalidate the contract. For example, if the wali says,

“I give you so-and-so in marriage for a mahr of one-thousand.”

And the bridegroom responds by saying, “I accept marrying so-and-so for a mahr of eight hundred.”

The contract becomes immediately invalid.


Writing the contract

Documenting the marriage contract is not a requirement for the contract’s validity. However, it is important to document it for future reference and to preserve the rights of the husband and wife.


Outcome of the Marriage Contract

Once the marriage contract is executed, all rights and responsibilities for the two spouses, including the wife’s advanced mahr, become immediately due.

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Definition and Ruling

The walimah (or wedding feast) is a meal offered by the husband to the friends and family after the consummation of marriage.

The walimah is wajib (obligatory) upon the husband. Buraydah bin al-Hasib (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that when ‘Ali (radhiyAllaahu anh) married Fatimah, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Indeed, a wedding (or a bridegroom) must have a walimah.”

So Sa’d said,

“I will bring a ram.”

And another man said,

“I will bring some corn.”

(Ahmad and an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2419 & Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 144-145)

When ‘Adb-ur-Rahman bin ‘Awf (radhiyAllaahu anh) migrated to al-Madinah, the Prophet :saw: made him brother –

(In the early years of Hijrah, the Prophet :saw: paired the Muslims as brothers, with one of the pair from the Muhajirun and one from the Ansar. The Ansar, being the original residents of al-Madinah, were ready and willing to accommodate their brothers from Makkah who had left everything behing them when they made Hijrah.)

- with Sa’d bin ar-Rabi al-Ansari. Sa’d told ‘Abd-ur-Rahman,

“My brother! I am the wealthiest man of al-Madinah, so I will divide my wealth in half between us; and I have two wives while you, my brother, have none; so see which of them you prefer: I will divorce her for you to marry after she concludes her ‘iddah.”

‘Abd-ur-Rahman replied,

“By Allah no! May Allah bless your family and wealth for you. Just show me the way to the market.”

Thus, he went to the market, traded, and soon made profit and brought home some aqit (dried yoghurt) and butter.

A while after that, the Prophet :saw: ‘Abd-ur-Rahman wearing yellowish garments (which were commonly worn by the newly-wed). He :saw: asked,

“What has happened.”

He replied,

“I have married a woman from the Ansar.”

He :saw: asked him,

“What did you give her (As mahr)?”

He replied,

“A date stone’s weight of gold.”

The Prophet :saw: then said:

“May Allah bless it for you. Offer a walimah – even if it be with only one goat.”

‘Abd-ur-Rahman later said,

“It then came to that, should I raise a stone, I would expect to find gold or silver underneath it (by virtue of the Prophet’s :saw: supplication).”

And Anas (radhiyAllaahu anh), the narrator of this hadeeth, concluded,

“After ‘Abd-ur-Rahman passed away, each one of his wives got a share of one-hundred-thousand dinars.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

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The following additional regulations apply to the walimah:


The Walimah’s Time

Following the Prophet’s :saw: practice, the walimah should normally be held on the wedding night or within the first three days following it.

Anas reported:

“Allah’s Messenger :saw: once consummated his marriage with one of his wives, so he sent me and I invited some men for food.”

(al-Bukhari and al-Bayhaqi)

Anas also reported:

“When the Prophet :saw: married Safiyyah, her freedom was her mahr. And he held the walimah for three days.”

(Abu Ya’la. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p.146)

In a similar report, Anas said:

“The Prophet :saw: camped between Khaybar and al-Madinah for three nights, consummating his marriage with Safiyyah. I invited the Muslims to his walimah, which had no bread or meat. Leather sheets were spread on the ground. Dates and aqit (dried yoghurt) and butter were tossed over them, and the people ate their fill.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

And Anas reported:

“When Allah’s Messenger :saw: had his wedding with Zaynab, he offered a walimah in which the Muslims ate their fill of bread and meat. Then (in the morning) he went out to the Mothers of the Believers, gave them salam, and supplicated for them. In return, they gave him salam and supplicated for him. This was his practice on the morning following his wedding.”

(an-Nasa’i and Ibn Sa’d. Verified to be authentic al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 137-138)

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We conclude from the above reports about ‘Ali and ‘Abd-ur-Rahman bin ‘Awf that it is recommended to include meat in a walimah, with a minimum of one sheep or goat – if that be affordable.

Anas reported:

“I never saw Allah’s Messenger :saw: offer as much food in any of his wives’s walimahs as he did in Zaynab’s. He slaughtered a goat and fed the people bread and meat until they were full.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

However, meat is not a condition for a walimah. We saw above that the Prophet’s :saw: walimah when he married Safiyyah did not include any meat.

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The walimah is the husband’s obligation. However, it is permissible for other Muslims to help him in its cost or preparation. We have seen above that a number of Muslims helped ‘Ali in preparing his walimah.

Similarly, giving additional details of the Prophet’s :saw: marriage with Safiyyah (radhiyAllaahu anha). Anas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that during the trip back to al-Madinah. Umm Sulaym prepared Safiyyah for the Prophet :saw: and presented her to him during the night. On the morning following his consummation of the marriage, he :saw: said:

“Anyone who has extra provision, bring it to us.”

Thus, people brought aqit, dates and butter, and made hays (name of a dish) with them, and everyone ate of that hays and drank from rain water that gathered in basins next to them.”

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

[ditta]

A newly wed should invite to the walimah his Muslim relatives, friends, and acquaintances, especially the righteous among them. Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“Do not accompany except a believer, and do not feed your food except to a pious person.

Sinful individuals and non-Muslims should largely be excluded from the invitation – unless there is an important benefit in inviting them, such as exposing them to da’wah, provided that their presence would not influence the attendees in a negative way.

In inviting to a walimah, there should not be a discussion between the poor and rich. Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Messenger :saw: said:

“The worst food is that of a walimah to which rich are invited but the poor are not. And he who rejects the invitation (to a walimah) has surely disobeyed Allah and His Messenger.”

(Muslim and others from Abu Hurayrah, Ibn ‘Abbas and Ibn ‘Umar, Some of the reports in al-Bukhari and Muslim indicate that this is mawquf, being the saying of Abu Hurayrah. But other authentic reports prove that it is stated by the Prophet :saw: (see Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1947 and as-Sahihah no. 1085)

In another report from Abu Hurayrah, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

“The worst of food is that of a walimah to which those who come (because of hunger) are turned away, and those who are invited do not wish to attend (because they have no need for food). And he who does not answer the invitation (to a walimah) has surely disobeyed Allah and His Messenger.

(al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

[ditta]

As-salaamu'Alaykum,

Alhamdu'lillaah. I hope this helps anyone who was unsure regarding the 'main' parts of marriage.

Below will include advice to the youth from Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (hafithahullaah) and after that I will post some beneficial question and answers, Insha'Allaah.

Wa-alaykum-us-Salaam.

[ditta]

From among the problems facing the adolescent is that they abstain from marriage. This is a big problem. The youth abstaining from matrimony produced serious harm and no one knows the outcome except Allah. They use the following alleged reasons for abstaining from matrimony.

1) Getting married at an early age diverts from studying and getting prepared for the future.

2) Getting married at an early age burdens the youth with the responsibilities of providing for his wife and children.

3) The most dangerous reason for the youth turning away from marriage is the obstacles which are placed in the path towards marriage such as extravagant celebrations. And at times youth cannot afford the expense of these celebrations.

In my opinion this is the biggest reason why these adolescents do not get married. The remedy for this problem is very simply if we correct our intentions.

First, it should be explained to the youth that the merits, superiority, and blessings that lie within marriage outweigh the obstacles and difficulties we previously mentioned. There is not anything in this Dunya except there is trade off. I am not saying that marriage is easy and that there are not any difficulties or hardships. There are difficulties and problems in marriage however; the benefits of marriage outweigh the problems and difficulties that occur. Consequently, these virtues make those difficulties and hardships forgotten. The benefits of marriage should be explained to the youth until their desire it. Marriage helps people protect their private parts and lower their gaze.

The statement of the Prophet :saw: points to this,

“O young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, verily matrimony controls the gaze and protects the private parts. And whoever among cannot afford to marry should fast.”

(al-Bukhari in his Saheeh (#1905, 5065), Muslim in his Saheeh (#1400))

The Prophet :saw: specifically instructed the youth to take part in marriage, because they are prepared for it and have the ability.

It is appropriate for the youth to get married at an early age if he or she has the ability and means to do so. Praise is to Allah-currently this is predominately the case. There isn’t any excuse for the youth to leave off getting married. The Prophet :saw: explained the merits of getting married at a young age. Matrimony protects the private parts, because the private part is very dangerous if unguarded.

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e., private parts from illegal sexual acts). Except with their wives and the (woman slaves) whom their right hands possess – for (then) they are not blameworthy.”

(Surah al-Ma’arij: 29-30)

Matrimony protects the private parts. This is to say that marriage safeguards a person from a great evil. Marriage protects that organ and lovers the gaze. If the youth gets married he will be delighted. He would not be looking here or there at women or at what Allah has prohibited. As a result, Allah saved this person from the haraam by giving him the halaal. By Allah’s bounty this person was saved from adultery and fornication.
Second, Marriage helps a person to attain tranquility and ease.

Allah says:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in the, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”

(Surah ar-Rum: 21)

Whenever the youth gets married his soul is relived from agitation, anxiety and he has a peace of mind.

“That you may find repose in them.”

(Surah al-Furqan: 74)

Verily, the matrimony of this youth is among the reasons for his tranquility and serenity. Accordingly, matrimony is a reason which numerous blessings spring from.

[ditta]

From among the benefits of getting married at an early age is the obtaining of children, which make the youth delighted at their presence.

Allah says:

“And those who say: “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes.”

(Surah al-Furqan, 74)

Wives and children are a delight; Allah promised that marriage brings about pleasure. This pleasure encourages and persuades the youth to take an interest in matrimony.

This is also similar to how Allah mentioned that children are a share of this world’s beauty.

“Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world.”

(Saheeh Hadeeth, Abu Dawood, an-Nasa'i and others)

Therefore, this world is adorned by children. The human being seeks out adornment the same ways he tries to obtain wealth. Similarly, he craves for children, because they are equal to wealth in their existence. This is in this world. Then in the hereafter righteous children can benefit their fathers as the Prophet :saw: said:

“Whenever the son of Adam dies his actions stop except three: Knowledge that benefits people, a recurring charity, and a righteous child that supplicates for his parent.”

(Muslim (# 1631), on the authority of Abu Hurayrah))

The second benefit of matrimony at an early age is that it produces children increasing the Muslim Ummah and Islamic society. The Prophet :saw: said:

“Marry the loving and fertile, for verily I want to have the largest Ummah on the Day of Resurrection.”

(Abu Dawood in his Sunan (#2050), an-Nasa’i in his Sunan as-Sughara (#3227) and others (Graded saheeh by al-Albani in his checking of Abu Dawood))

Great blessing result from marriage. From among them are the ones we previously mentioned. So if these virtues and blessings are explained to the adolescents, then the fallacious problems that hinder people from getting married will disappear.

As for the saying that, getting married at an early age diverts from gaining knowledge and from studying, this is not the case. Rather, the opposite of this is correct because tranquility, peace of mind, and pleasure never cease to be obtained through marriage. These things help the student to reach his goal because, he has peace of mind, and his thoughts are not cluttered due to discomfort and this helps him study.

Now on the other hand abstaining from marriage in reality blocks whatever knowledge he wants to attain, because it is not possible to acquire knowledge in a state of confusion anxiety. However, if he gets married his mind is at rest and his soul is at ease. He gets a house to take as a shelter and a wife who relaxes and helps him. These things help him to attain knowledge.

If Allah makes it easy and this marriage becomes a source of comfort to

become a relationship, then this is from among the things which make it easy for the student to pursue knowledge. Matrimony does not block the path to knowledge as some believe. For that reason having children is an enormous blessing in this life and in the next.

"As for the statement that marriage at an early age burdens the adolescent to supply provisions for his children, wife and other responsibilities, this also is not correct. Along with marriage comes blessings and well-being. Matrimony is obedience to Allah and His Messenger :saw: and there is good in every act of obedience. So if the youth gets married following the orders of the Prophet :saw: by seeking the blessings that have been promised with the correct intentions, then this marriage will be a reason for his blessings. The provisions are in the hands of Allah.

Allah states:

"And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allah."

(Qur'aan, 11: 6)

Consequently, if Allah makes it easy for you to get married then He will make providing for your children easy.

"We provide sustenance for you and for them."

(Qur'aan, al-An'am: 151)

Marriage does not burden the young man above his ability as some of the people think. Marriage brings benefits and blessings. Matrimony is a necessary Sunnah of Allah for the human-being. Matrimony is not a horrible nightmare. It is only a door from the doors of righteousness for the person with the correct intention.

As for the excuses about the obstacles placed in the path to marriage then this is from their evil behaviour. Marriage in itself does not require such things as a plump dowry, parties which amount to more than required or other expenses with no authority from Allah. Rather, what is required is a wedding with ease.

Hence, it is a duty to clarify to the people that these extravagances placed in the path to a wedding bring about evil consequences for their sons and daughters. These extravagances are not from their well-being. Therefore, it is a must to remedy these problems, so that matrimony can return to its ease and convenience.

We ask Allah the Glorious and Most High to grant us safety of success, guidance and to rectify the condition of all of us. We ask Allah to rectify the Muslim youth and to return the Muslims to their rank and honour the same way Allah gave the Muslims honour before. We ask Allah to return this honour and to rectify the Muslim state.

Allah says:

But honour, power and glory belong to Allah, His Messenger (Muhammad :saw:) and to the believers, but the hypocrites know not.”

(Surah al-Munafiqun: 8)

We ask Allah to give the Muslims insight in their religion and to protect them from the evil of their enemies. Peace and blessings be upon the Prophet, his family and all his companions. Praise be to Allah.

[ditta]

Question

What is the suitable age for marriage for men and women, because some young women do not accept marriage from those who are older than them? Likewise, some men do not marry women who are older than them. We request a response and may Allah reward you with goodness.

Answer

I advise young women not to refuse marriage from a man due to his age, such as his being then, twenty or thirty years older than her. This is not a reason, because the Prophet :saw: married ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, when he was fifty-three years old and she was a girl of nine years old. So being older does not harm. There is no sin in the woman being older, nor any sin in the man being older, because the Prophet :saw: married Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, when she was forty years old and he was twenty-five years old, before the Revelation came to him :saw:; that is, she, may Allah be pleased with her, was fifteen years older than him. Then he married ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, when she was small – six or seven years old and he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine years old and he was fifty-three years old.

Many of those who speak on the radio or the television deter people from marriage between men and women of differing ages – this is all wrong and saying such things is not permissible for them. It is obligatory for a woman to look at the (prospective) husband, and if he is righteous and suitable, she should agree, even if he is older than her. Similarly, a man should devote himself to finding a righteous, religious woman, even if she is older than him, if she is still young and still fertile. In short, the age should not be an excuse and it should not be considered something shameful, as long as the man is righteous and the woman is righteous. May Allah reform the situation of us all.

Ibn Baz (Rahimahullaah)

(Source: Fatawa Islamiyah Volume 5, Marriage)

[ditta]

Question

I was approached by one of my kin, but I have heard that marriage to those not closely related is better for the future of the children and other reasons. What is your opinion on this?

Answer

This rule has been mentioned by some scholars. They pointed to what has been mentioned regarding the fact that heredity has an influence. There is not doubt that heredity does have an influence in the creation of man and his physical makeup. This is why, when a man came to the Prophet :saw: and said: “O Messenger of Allah! My wife has given birth to a black boy.” He was suggesting regarding this woman: “How can the boy be black, when both his parents are white.”

The Messenger of Allah :saw: said to him:

“Do you have any camels.”

He said,

“Yes.”

The Prophet :saw: said:

“What are their colours.”

He said,

“Red.”

The Prophet :saw: said:

“Are there any among them that are brown.”

He said:

“Yes.”

The Prophet :saw: said:

“So from where did they get this?”

The man said:

“Perhaps they inherited it.”

The Prophet :saw: said:

“(Likewise,) perhaps this son of yours inherited it.”

(Al-Bukhari no. 5305 and Muslim no. 1500)

This proves that heredity has an influence and there is no doubt in this. But the Prophet :saw: said:

“You marry women for four reasons: her wealth, her nobility, her beauty and her religion. So try to get one who is religious, may your hand be covered with dust.”

(Al-Bukhari no. 5090 and Muslim no. 1466)

So the starting point in proposing to a woman is to look at her religion, and the more religious and the more beautiful she is, the more suitable she is, whether she be a close relative or distant. This is because the religious wife protects him regarding his property, his children and his house and the beautiful fulfils his needs and diverts his gaze, so that he does not look at anyone else with her. And Allah knows best.

Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)

[ditta]

Question

There is a widespread custom of a young woman or her father refusing those who propose to her until she has completed her high school or university education, or so that she may study for a number of years. What is the ruling on that? And what is your advice to those who do so, so that the young women might reach the age of thirty or more without marrying?

Answer

My advice to all young men and women is to marry without delay and to hasten to it, if conditions permit, as the Prophet :saw: said:

“O you young men! Those among you who have the means and the ability should marry, because it restrains the eyes (from evil glances) and preserves the private parts (from immorality). And whoever is unable to do so, should fast because it is a protection for him.”

(Al-Bukhari no. 5066 and Muslim no. 1400)

And he :saw: said:

“If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, then marry (your daughter to) him. If you do not do so, it will be a cause of trial in the land and great corruption.”

(At-Tirmidhi no. 1084)

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi with a Hasan chain of narrators.

And he :saw: said:

“Marry productive, lowing women, because I will have the largest number of followers on the Day of Resurrection.”

(Abu Dawood no. 2050, An-Nasa’i no. 3229, Ahmad 3/158, 245 and Ibn Hibban no. 4028)

It is also necessary due to the many benefits indicated by the Prophet :saw:, such as averting one’s gaze, protecting the private parts (from sin), increasing the size of the Muslim community, and safety from great corruption and evil consequences. May Allah grant all of the Muslims success in attaining that wherein lies righteousness in the matter of their religion and their earthly life. Verily, He is All-hearing, Near.

Ibn Baz (rahimahullaah)

[ditta]

Answer

The ruling on that is that it is contrary to the order of the Prophet :saw: because the Prophet :saw: said:

“If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, then marry (your daughter to) him.”

(At-Tirmidhi no. 1084)

And he :saw: said:

“O you young men! Those among you who have the means and the ability should marry, because it restrains the eyes (from evil glances) and preserves the private parts (from immorality).”

(Al-Bukhari no. 5066 and Muslim no. 1400)

Refusing marriage causes loss of the benefits of marriage, so my advice to my Muslim brothers who are guardians of women and to my adult Muslim sisters is not to refuse marriage in order to complete their education or teaching. However, it is possible for a woman to make it a condition of marriage that she be allowed to continue her studies until she has completed them, and likewise to continue to teach for a year or two, as long as she is not busy with children and there is no objection to this.

Although the idea of a woman progressing in university studies in subjects for which there is no need should be examined. I consider that if a woman has completed primary school level and is able to read and write sufficiently well to benefit from this knowledge in reading the Book of Allah, its explanation and recitation and the Hadiths of the Prophet :saw: and their explanation, then that is enough. Unless she is studying knowledge which is essential for the people, such as medicine and the like – as long as there is nothing dangerous, such as mixing or other things.

Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)

[ditta]

Question

Some young men excuse their reluctance to marry on the fact that it interferes with their worship and their devotion to Allah. What is your comment on this?

Answer

Our comment on this excuse is that it is weak; indeed, it is dead, because the Prophet :saw: rejected refusal of marriage in order to devote oneself to Allah for those of the Companions who wanted to do it and he said:

“I fast and I break my fast; I stand (in the night prayer) and I sleep; and I marry women, so whoever disliked my Sunnah is not from me.”

(Al-Bukhari no. 5063, Muslim no. 1401 and Ahmad 3/259)

Those people should know that marriage is a form of worship; indeed it is one of the best forms of worship, so much so that, some of the scholars – may Allah have mercy on them – have declared that marriage with desire is better than supererogatory acts of worship.

Many of the scholars have declared that it is an obligation – that is,
marriage – and there is no doubt that the reward of the obligatory deed is greater than the reward of the preferred deed and the obligatory deed is more loved by Allah than the supererogatory, as Allah, Most High says, in the Hadeeth Qudsi:

“My servant does not come nearer to Me by anything more beloved to Me than those acts which I have enjoined upon him. And My servant continues to draw closer to Me by supererogatory acts until I love him.”

(Al-Bukhari no. 6502 and al-Bayhaqi no. 346)

In this Hadeeth there is evidence that Allah, Most High loves obligatory acts more than He loves the supererogatory.

So we advise these young men who use this weak excuse – or rather, this dead excuse – to fear Allah, the Almighty, the All-Powerful and to marry, in obedience to the command of the Messenger of Allah :saw: and following his Sunnah and the Sunnah of his brother among the Messengers, peace be upon them, and in order to increase the numbers in the Muslim community, and so that Allah may benefit it through them.

Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)

[ditta]

Question

We are a group of girls who are sisters and we live in one house, and frequently suitors for our hands from among the religious young men have been rejected; and our father is suffering from mental illness. May the Judge in this situation take charge of the marriage contracts for us?

Answer

Yes, if the guardian refuses to give a woman in marriage to a man who is
suitable in his religion and his character. This is because guardianship passes to the one who comes after him among the paternal family members, the one with the greatest right, then the next one. And if they refused to give them in marriage, as most often happens, then the guardianship passes to the legal Judge and he gives the woman in marriage, and if the matter reaches him and he knows that her guardians have refused to give her in marriage, he must give her in marriage, because he has a general guardianship, as long as no particular guardianship is present.

The scholars of Islamic Jurisprudence (Fiqh) – may Allah have mery on them – have mentioned that if the guardian repeatedly refuses appropriate suitors, he will be considered a sinner due to this, and his fairness will be lost, as well his right to guardianship. Indeed, it is recognised in the Madhab of Imam Ahmad that his right to be an Imam will be lost, and so he may not lead the Muslims in congregational prayer and this is a very serious matter.

Some people – as we have indicated earlier – refuse appropriate suitors for those over whom Allah has granted them guardianship but the girl may be shy to approach a judge in order to request that he give her in marriage – and this situation exists at present – but she must compare between those things which promote good and those things which cause evil’ which is the greater cause of evil. To remain without a husband and for this guardian to arbitrarily exercise control over her according to his mood and his whim, then when she grows older and few propose to her, he gives her in marriage (to whom he wills), or to approach the Judge, with the request that he give her in marriage, especially since this is her legal right?

There is no doubt that the second choice – which is that she approach the Judge and request that he give her in marriage – is preferable, because this is her right and because in approaching the Judge and the Judge’s giving her in marriage there is a benefit for other girls too, because they will step forward as she has done, and because by approaching the Judge, she serves as a deterrent to those wrongdoers who commit injustice against those whom Allah has placed under their guardianship, by refusing to give them in marriage to appropriate suitors. That is to say, there are three benefits in this:

- A benefit to the woman, so that she does not remain unmarried.

- A benefit to others, if she opens up the door for women who are waiting for someone to make the approach so that they may follow her.

- Holding in check those unjust guardians who exercise control arbitrary over their daughters or those women over whom Allah has made them guardians.

Another benefit therein is the implementation of the order of the
Messenger of Allah :saw:, who said:

“If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, then marry (your daughter to) him. If you do not do so, it will be a cause of trial (Fitnah and greater corruption) in the land.”

(At-Tirmidhi no. 1084)

There is one other particular benefit, which is the fulfilment of the desires of those suitors who propose to women and who are suitable with regard to their religion and character.

Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)

[ditta]

Question

One of my kin has proposed to my daughter and I am under an obligation to him, (for example, for having lent him money, or shown some kindness to him etc.) but he is addicted to alcohol and he keeps company with bad people and prays little, or does not pray at all. He is also addicted to watching videos and television and other time-wasting devices and I am in difficulty regarding him. I request clarification of the ruling of Islam in the matter.

Answer

If the person proposing to your daughter is as you have described him, then it is not permissible for you to give her in marriage to him, because she is a trust in your hands, so it is incumbent for you to choose for her the most righteous man in his religion and his character.

It is not permissible for a person who does not pray to be married to a Muslim woman who does pray, since he is not a suitable match for her, because abandoning prayer is an act of major disbelief, according to the saying of the Prophet :saw::

“Between a man and polytheism and disbelief is the abandonment of prayer.”

(Muslim no. 82)

And the saying of the Prophet :saw::

“The covenant between us and them is prayer; whoever abandons it has committed an act of disbelief.”

(At-Tirmidhi, no. 2621)

Narrated by Imam Ahmed and the compilers of the Sunan, with an authentic chain of narrators.

There are many other evidences in the Book (of Allah) and the Sunnah which prove the disbelief of one who abandons prayer, even if he does not reject its obligation, according to the most correct of two opinions held by the scholars. However, if he rejects its obligation or mocked it, then he is guilty of major disbelief according to the consensus of the Muslims.

As for one who drinks alcohol but prays, he is not guilty of disbelief by doing this, as long as he does not claim that it is permissible, but he has committed a major sin and he has gone astray thereby.

Therefore, it is lawful for you not to give her in marriage to him, even if he prays, due to his sin and because he might lead his wife and children to this great crime.

We ask Allah to improve the situation of the Muslims and guide them to His Straight Path, and to preserve us and them from obeying vain desires and Satan, for verily, He is Most Generous, Most Noble.

Ibn Baz (rahimahullaah)

[ditta]

As-salaamu'Alaykum,

Alhamdu'lillaah, this thread is now complete. I hope some of the question and answers helped, I left some out which could have been included although the issues are pretty much covered earlier in the thread. If there are any mistakes please post here or you can PM.

I pray that Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aala) makes your marriage replete with blessings and happiness, now and in the future.

Wa-alaykum-us-Salaam.

[BrotherInIslam7]

:salam2:

Just want to thank you for your efforts in putting it altogether. JazakAllahu Khayran akhi..

InshaAllah the people who come across this thread will be increased in ilm with regards to marriage and it's rulings.

Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi

[islamirama]

This thread will be comprehensive in relation to marriage. It is taken from 'The Quest of Love and Mercy" by Muhammad al-Jibaly. It is very simple and an excellent read, more importantly it is according to the Qur'aan and Sunnah. I will update consistently and should be completed soon, Insha'Allaah.

Is it a book? is it ok to post it here like this, aren't there any copyrights being violated?

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

My understanding of copyright laws is this. When used for an educational purpose and one time only there is no infringement. I did this for many a text when I was an educator. People like me will go and dig up the book and buy even more.

Secondly, Brother Ditta is spreading knowledge. The purpose of Islamic education is not to gain financial benefits but to please Allah. The rewards of Allah are far better.

I am sure the author would rather have readers strengthen their belief system rather than hold the money in his hand. That is not to say he will not have benefited from the monetary gain. But that is not the prime objective.

[ditta]

As-salaamu'Alaykum

Yes brother it is a book. I have created a few other thread's such as Belief in Allah, World of the Noble Angels and Word of the Jinns and Devils by Umar al-Ashqaar. I posted these from start to finish. However I then realised about copyright Therefore I contacted the publisher (IIPH) who stated i could only use certain amount of words. I went through those thread's/posts and removed a lot posts.

It was difficult because there were some important points. I completely removed Word of the Noble Angels, removed a large section about the signs in the Universe regarding Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'aala) as the Creator. (Sometimes I feel I left too many posts although if I carried on removing, there is no longer a thread).

Regarding this thread then I contacted the publisher although I never received a response. Therefore I left this thread. I posted this thread because we had a lack of information regarding this. Every often we have marriage posts (and Alhamdu'lillaah having this accessible information allows them to be answered sometimes). Also, this is not the complete book.