new revert... need advise

[seekingtruth2]

First i want to say today,the 28th day of Shaban,1427 A.H., I took my Shahadah!!!! I'm very elated on this day. However my joy is shadowed by my family's reaction to this. I am divorced for 1 year now and have 2 beautiful children, a son 22 years old and a 16 year old daughter. I have spoken to my daughter about my desire to revert to islam until I thought she was more accepting of my decision. Today I wore hajib for the first time and this made her very angry. I took it off after a while of being home to make her more comfortable but I don't know if this was a good and wise decision in the eyes of Allah. Please give me any advise on this matter that you can for I wish to do the right thing. I feel very torn at the present moment because my daughter is ashamed of me and my decision but it is one I will not change and I feel very strongly about as I'm sure everyone here will understand...
Thank you for listening

[Somair]

As-salaam-u-alaikum sister,

Alhamdullillah congratulations on taking the shahadah!!! Sometimes we don't appreciate the amount of sacrifice new reverts have to make, being forced to choose between two things they dearly love; this deen and their family. I know it must be heartbreaking for you, especially with your kids, but it's all a test, and Allah (SWT) will certainly reward you for your patience through this all. Insha'Allah the beauty of Islam will emminate to them through you and hopefully they will start questioning their bitterness for you and change. Take care.

walaikum-as-salaam

[Ahmed ibn Ibrahim]

Assalamu Alaikum - Welcome to the TTI community, sister.

Bismillah...

My wife-to-be is in a very similar situation, and our Imam has given us some very qualified advice that I believe may be helpful.

As Brother Somair meantioned, this will be a testing time for you. Not only with your family, but likely also out in the world. You must be brave, and aspire to be a good example through your thoughts, words, and actions. If your children get angry, you need not - for what is there to be angry about concerning Islam itself? InshaAllah, your children will see changes, true vitality and a healthy life-style from you and will be inspired to join us on the Straight Path. This is a time when many will revert back to Allah, so there is much hope for you all.

A second point I am inspired to share is that it is not nessesary to wear the Hijaab in your own home, outside of Sallah, when you are surrounded by your immediate family (those who you cannot possibly marry).

You say your daughter is ashamed of you. For why? Surely she must have some preconcieved misconceptions about Islam. May I suggest asking her about what she understands Islam to be about? With some dialogue between you two on this matter, you will be able to shed light on the truth about Islam and enjoy quality time as mother and daughter. Take the oppourtunity to point her to some of the truths found here on TTI.com, or within your own Qu'ran. Only truth dispells untruth.

Some common misconceptions, thanks to rediculous media vomit:
-Islam is the religion of terrorists.
-Islam has no respect for women.
-Islam is full of lies.
-Islam is only for Arabs.

Perhaps one of the other brothers or sisters can illaborate further on these misconceptions for you. The truths behind each seem so obvious to me, and I would share more with you if I didn't have to go preform my own Sallah and make other preparations for tomorrow.

Peace be with you, and again congratulations on your revertion and for your obedience to Allah and bravery (especially in this day and age) in wearing your Hijaab. I hope you are as happy as my fiance, with her's. =)

[mr. ok]

:bismillah:

:salam2: my dear brothers and sisters (Muslims & non-Muslims).

First off CONGRATULATIONS! I am pleased to hear that you have embraced Islam, mashAllah. Tell (explain) your daughter why a hijab is worn, the reason behind it, and maybe then she will realize the importance of wearing a hijab.

If she understands the reason behind wearing a hijab then maybe she will be more acceptable and reasonable (not that am saying she is unreasonable).

We all have the ability to do better. We just got to put our minds into it (mentally ready). I wish you strength, courage and happiness.

Best Regards,

Mr. Ok

[AishaR]

:salam2:

Welcome dear sister to the site & to Islam. Congratulations on your Shahadah. My heart goes out to you as I am in the same situation but with my parents. I wont lie to you sister, it isnt easy! My parents are not worried about my being muslim but will not accept my hijab. They will agree that I have changed for the better since reverting but the hijab is a no no. I spent all last w/e trying to explain why I MUST & WILL wear my hijab to no avail. My mum thinks some of my hijabs are very beautiful but cant & will never accept it.She understands why I want to wear it. I went to take my mum shopping & she refused to go out with me in hijab. I know it is a test of my deen but it isnt easy sister. Inshallah, your daughter & my parents will be accepting but in the meantime we have to be strong.

:wasalam:

[west]

The most difficult thing for us as reverts is the decision to wear hijab. My family understand when I go out that I will wear it BUT remember you do not have to wear it in your home while your kids are around. If its hot, you can even wear a shorts in your own home.

Modesty is the key when you are surrounded by other women and especially men who you can marry
Try and lead by example and then your daughter will understannd.

Ramadaan Mubarak

[Karima]

Asalamualikum,

For your daughter...my daughter is ashamed of me, if you have any muslima friends who have daughters around your daughter's age, have them come and meet her. Perhaps, she could ask questions easier to someone her age about all of the clothes, and such....and realize that it is not so bad to wear the hijab.

Your daughter is normal for being like this...as parents would be the same way. Try to let them see from others that this is ok....to wear a hijab.

Sallam

[seekingtruth2]

good idea I will try this approach, there is a girl at my mosque the same age as my daughter who is also the daughter of the woman who is helping me so much with various aspects of learning islam. ( they paired me up with someone immediately and I think this is a wonderful thing!) I will try getting them together a few times, maybe the conversation will come natually.

[Mabsoot]

wa alaykum salam,

inshaAllah, she will change her ideas once you explain how the Hijab is not something unique to Islam, but also Christianity and Judaism, just the latter have slowly erased it from their religions. But, when religious Christians or Jews wear it, they are not seen as oppressed or strange. They are made out to be pious, righteous and honoured. Infact, in some parts of the Balkans, Orthodox Christians wear something almost similar to the Black chador that is worn in Iran!

The Hijab is the woman's responsibility to wear, and she should do so through her own choice. As long as nobody is forced to do something, than it should be accepted.

Your daughter is judgemental. Why does it make her angry? Its your free choice. . . Does she know the high status Islam puts for women? Perhaps a comparison between the rights Muslim women have, as opposed to the rights Christian or Judaic women were given.

What greater rights did women have than the right to choose their own spouse? The Right to buy/sell their own land? The right to do business and importantly!! Keep the Money!!! - The wife does not have to give her husband her earnings if she doesnt want to. - Is this oppression of women?
There are definately some very ignorant Muslims out there. Just as there are a great number of ignorant and close minded Christian, Jews, Buddhists, Sikhs etc.

However,


- Sure a Muslim can err. Nobody is perfect. However, the difference between the muslims and these other Religions is this:

Islam is perfect. It was revealed to all mankind from God. The Quran is the miracle revealed to all mankind and it shall never change. Not one letter.

There will always be a group of Muslims who will be on the clear guidance. It is not difficult! - Its to base our lives on the Quran and the clear guidance of our beloved Messenger Muhammad :saw:. Our understanding of the rulings of Islam come from these two sources... and if we do not know, we rely on those who are known to be on the truth and have the knowledge. - For example the Companions of the Prophet :saw:, the 2nd generation of Muslims, the reknowned scholars and so on.

Extremism, maltreatment of women, racism, these things do not originate from the true fundamental teachings of Islam. Rather, these are contrived from various philosophies, political revolutionary ideas and the ignorant not following the ignorant.

So it is important for the non-Muslims to extend their perception of Muslims and to understand what Islam is and what it is not.

They are the ones who have a responsibility to check their facts from the right sources i.e. from Muslims.. Not be lazy and just take Fox News or CNN as their Religious education! -

Travel and see beyond your own horizons, meet with other people who are different and learn about them. This world is a pretty small world! and we need to understand how to live with one another.

Muslims too have an obligation to gain knowledge. True Islamic knowledge based on the Quran and Sunnah. To have correct understanding of the basis of Islam and to acquire this knowledge from the correct sources. To maintain the correct Muslim character by following the Quran and emulating the Prophet :saw:.

There are also examples if we look at the Prophets mentioned in the Quran and their example. Yusuf (joseph), Isa (Jesus), Ibrahim (Abraham), Harun and Musa (Aaron and Moses) are all mentioned. How they spoke to and advised their families and those who were in power at the time. For example, Ibrahim advising his father and Moses advising the Pharoah. We will see a great etiquette and manner in their way.

We as Muslims must also look at and emulate the Companions of the Prophet :saw:.

All these people were the best of creation, they were wise, had the best characters and honourable personalities. The Prophet :saw: is our chief role model. – So there is much for us to aspire too. InshaAllah, may Allah help us.

Furthermore Muslims are obliged to maintain good relations with their family, their neighbours and other communities including non-Muslims. Its our good manners and patience which will help the non-Muslims understand Islam and Muslims.

wasalam

[mansooranwar]

Dearest Sister in Islam,
Assalam O alakum

I congratulate you for being so couragious, and making all that effort to seek nearness to Allah. I am sure all what is happening Allah is rewarding for our efforts and InshaAllah Allah will help you to help your children ...just take slow steps ...

[Andalusian]

Assalamo Alaikoum
Lhamdo li Allah you are muslim today. I hope that things will be fine with you and with your daughter.
Incha'Allah with time she will be able to understand your choice.
Wa Alaikoum Assalam

[seekingtruth2]

My daughter is angry because she is ignorant of islam... just as I once was... This is I admit is my fault, may Allah grant me forgiveness,She is just angry because she sees this as a racial issue and not one of God or religion.. and no longer will she listen to me... She has said that she is angry because she feels like I'm putting much more effort into being a good muslim than I did as a Christian. Learning a new language, dressing differently, praying more and piously... she feels that if I want to be closer to God than I can do this as a Christian and not believe that Mohammed is a prophet of God( this seems to be especially upseting to her) she said that she would accept now any other religion if I wanted to convert but it just cant be Islam... she asked me to please at least be a catholic or something...lol...I have tried to make her to understand why and try to explain everything in great detail for she might have the same understanding that I came to or at the very least accept my decision... but now she is theatening to move out if I dont change my mind.... she just said this a few hours ago...I feel all I can do is to pray and that somehow this will all work out according to the will of Allah. I will maybe try harder to do all this a little slower for her, maybe this will help her to see.
Thank you for your kind words and inspiration

[Kayote]

Assalam-u-Aliekum,

First of all, I donot want to let go of the good news! Masha'Allah you are fortunate enough to be guided by Allah & as you have already taken the first step, Allah will continue to guide you Insha'Allah. CONGRATS ON ACCEPTING ISLAM!!! :D

Only thing I can say regarding the daughter issue is... I suspect she knows that as mother you will find it very hard to take in the fact that shes moved out. Donot rush things, just as you have/had to learn a lot about Islam in due time, she will (Insha'Allah) or will have to accept your decision. Do not fall for her threats, kids know very well how protective parents are & they can use that to their advantage. With my mum, I certainly do (please keep this a secret!). :(

And I think you already appreciate that its all too much all too sudden for her. Give her time & Insha'Allah she will start asking questions by herself.

On my part, I shall make dua for you.

WaAliekum Assalam

[mr. ok]

:bismillah:

:salam2: my dear brothers and sisters (Muslim & non-Muslims).

Its me again, lol. How's your daughter doing? Is she still angry at you for wearing the hijab? I hope not.

We should not look at what someone is wearing but why that person is wearing what he/she wears.

Best Regards,

Mr. Ok

[seekingtruth2]

salaam to u.
yes brother she is still angry... being very stubborn and pig-headed she is...I have spoken to her to try to explain... I will just give her time... allah can work miracles so this shouldnt be too hard!!!! thank you for your concern..

[38khadj]

:salam2: Sister

Bismillah
I too am a revert of 5 years Allhamdolilla. Inshallah give her time maybe she will never except it that will be Allahs will.
My daughter was fine when I reverted but my son wasnt so happy. Even now he is 18 when I go to see him, I have to accept that he dosnt want to be seen with me in front of his friends - so I dont put him in that position.
he has just got his own flat but dosnt want me and my husband to go there in case he gets picked on. Hurt as I may be I accept his deccsion and will meet him at my mums house.
Where as my daughter dosnt care when i go to see her we go all over its never been a problem for her Allhamdolilla, in fact she is very protective!
sister you will have choices to make but Allah will Inshallah guide you and for every sacrifice you make you will be rewarded in this world or the hearafter or maybe both Inshallah. Allah knows whats best we sometimes think something is really bad for us but Allah thinks different and vice versa Allah knows best.

May you forgive me for anything I might of said wrong for the sake of Allah

[zarah]

:bismillah:


:salam2:


:ma: you have embraced Islam and come to deen.

Welcome to the website!:biggrin:

:wasalam:

[nazeri]

Assalamualaikum sister

First of all I want to express my joy to hear the good news that you have taken Allah as your creator. Inshaallah , I pray that you will be under the guidance and protection of Allah until the day of judgement.
As for you family , be patient with them for all the prophet of islam were so patient with their family. Prophet Abraham was so patient with his father , prophet Noah was also patient with his family so was prophet Muhamaad , our beloved prophet. Allah guide whom He will sister and inshaallah with your steadfastness and the patient that Allah give you , it will knock gently one of the window in the heart of your daughter to Islam. Inshaallah.

Nazeri
Malaysia

[Dr Ali]

ASAK . congragulations . may ALLAH help u in aspects of ur life . what i think is the reaction of ur daughter is quiet normal and obvious . we cant blame her for that . and i think its not even wise for u to start debating with her because she wont be able to understand what u will tell her . and that is not her fault . the best way i think is to be quiet . try to avoid situations which would make her angry . just try to stay firm in the teachings of ISLAM your behaviour will force ur daughter to accept the truth because ISLAM has so much power in it that it will attract her . and it is not in ones hand to do everything . surely its ALLAH who guides everyone . try to make DUA for her in every pray . INSHALLAH u will find ur daughter to be on the right path soon . take care . ALLAH HAFIZ

[br_rizwan]

:salam2:

Alhumdulillah Sister..Welcome to TTI community..

As one of brother said that this is time of your test..how serious you are with your decision. so Be firm insha allah everything will goes right for you ..

:ma: :wasalam:

[proudmuslimah]

I know how you feel dear sister. I reverted to Islam this past summer, and my family has been very resistant. They threaten to disown me and accuse me of alienating my family. It pains me to feel as though I must choose between my family, whom I love so dearly, and my precious deen. All I can say is pray that Allah (swt) will grant understanding and comfort to your children. I believe that they will see the positive changes in your life, and grow curious. I feel my parents will never understand.

[Kayote]

:salam2:

I just offered my Isha prayer & as I was coming back to my room, I remembered you guys so I made dua for you that Allah ease your burden.

Just thought Id share to let you know, you & other brothers & sisters are in our minds & we are praying for you.

:wasalam:

[Andalusian]

:salam2:

I just offered my Isha prayer & as I was coming back to my room, I remembered you guys so I made dua for you that Allah ease your burden.

Just thought Id share to let you know, you & other brothers & sisters are in our minds & we are praying for you.

:wasalam:

:salam2:
:jazaak: brother
:wasalam:

[Nightwind]

Assalam alaikum sister,

Like you, my children were angry with me. They even did disown me for a while. The only one that supported my decision was my husband, now ex husband. I gave up a 15 year marriage to a very good man when I chose Islam. But he was also my best friend and respected my love of Islam and desire to be a Muslim so we parted as best friends with deep respect for each other. My sons however were another story. They were both grown and on their own already. My younger was the most angry. He would hardly even speak to me for months. He was angry that I divorced my husband and moved away from my home and started my life over in a different city. But when I made the decision to become a Muslim, I made the choice to love Allah above all things and to make the sacrifices that would go with it. It hurt deeply losing my sons, but I decided to try and just ride it out and be patient.

I told them that no matter how much they were angry with me, I would always love them and always be there when and if they needed me. I kept the door open to them. In time, they began to see that I was still their mom, just a much happier mom than they had ever known before. They came back slowly, so did my mother who also had turned away.

Looking back on it now, my first public outing with my son is actually humorous to me. He came to my home in dress uniform, army special forces, along with one of his friends (6'2" with waist length dreadlocks). When I came down the stairs to go to eat in a restaurant, I was in hijab. He said "noway.....noway in HELL am I going out with you like that." I simply told him that I wear the hijab, period, or I don't go out. He was upset but he reluctantly went out with us. It was quite a site, a soldier, a Muslimah, and a oversized Jamaican looking dude in a Mexican restaurant. We stopped the conversation when we entered then became the topic of conversation. Now we all laugh about it.

It was a hard first year for me. But now, I am rewarded for my patience. I see my children more now than I ever did before Islam. I am closer to both of them. When we all get together to eat, they always make sure to have halal food for me and my husband of one year. They still invite my ex husband and he and my new husband are on great terms. Alhamdulillah, I could not be happier now.

Be patient sister but be very firm. Remember, you are the mom. make it clear that becoming a Muslim did not make you become a lesser person, but a stronger one instead. As a Muslim, you should demand and expect respect from your children. Show them by example compassion, love, respect and the beauty that Islam has brought to your life. If your daughter complains about what you wear, simply remind her that you have not always approved of what she wore either, but like you had to, she needs to get over it.

Time is the key. And making and keeping contact with good Muslim people will give you the strength to get through this trial. Allah will test us. He will test our sincerity and our faith. But always remember, he wil never give you anthing that you can not get through. If Allah has brought you to it, Allah will get you through it. For now, you have found a new family to keep you strong here. The people that helped me through the hard times have become my dear and precious extended family. I will never meet most of them in person but they will always have a piece of my heart. You will look back soon and see the same thing.

[Kayote]

Salam

Nightwind, Masha'Allah thats such a beautiful story! Im so impressed!

May Allah give us the same strength. Amen.

WaAliekum Assalam

[fendi_ibrahim]

Assalamoo'alaikoom...

First..Congratulation for the shahadah...I'd love to experience the wonderfull moment when new revert recite shahadah..And Allah swt will always test how far we believe in Him. So, be patient..and hikmah (wisely) in practicing Islam...especially in the circumstances which muslim community is minor. May Allah guide you and guide us all, always.

I also agree with the opinion given by brother Brandon Al-Abraham.